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Negative Outlook on Life
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
First, I want to reiterate that while I know a lot about how ADHD affects relationships, I am not a therapist. That said, I do have some advice for you. First, don't get married until you are comfortable that you can not only be each other's best friends and love of each others' lives but also comfortable that you can count on each other. It's fine these days to stay together as a couple without being married...even, I suppose, if you want kids BUT kids add significant stress to a relationship (as well as joy, but more stress that you might guess in those early years).
Second, you definitely should seek out a counsellor. It sounds as if you have a number of things to work through and having a third party - the right one - can really help. Look for a counsellor who knows about ADHD and can help with that aspect of your lives. Run, as fast as you can, from any counsellor who doesn't think ADD is "real". (You are the customer in these relationships - make sure you end up with a counsellor that you like!!!)
Third - the most disturbing part of your whole note in my own mind is your comment that your boyfriend has "a very negative outlook on life because of peoples reaction to him over the years". This sort of thing can be okay when you are young, but watch out! It's not so fun to be with a person with a negative outlook when you are 50...particularly if that outlook is so negative that he hasn't been able to hold a job or make other friends.
Bottom line - dont' sell yourself short! It seems to me that too many people with ADD grow up without a full sense of ho wonderful and unique they are. You may love this man, but don't commit to marriage until you are confident that, over the long haul, he is exactly right for you!
Melissa Orlov