It is because of this site that I was able to realize what has been plaguing my marriage and relationships, ADHD. My wife came upon this site while trying to figure out a way to communicate with me, something we have NEVER had a problem with. She asked me to read through a few posts and I decided to indulge her, thinking to myself, "I'm not hyper, i don't fidget, there are certainly things that I focus on very well..."etc. Even she believed it to only, "have a lot stories that sound just like ours! but I'm not saying I think you have ADD/HD". It took me about 10 minutes of reading (especially the spouses without ADHD who posted) to begin crying and finally, for the first time in 27 years know what was wrong with me. Unfortunately it was the fighting with my wife that made me see everything so clearly. The snapping, not understanding why she was so upset, lying. Things that I never equated with myself, in my mind, I was a calm, easy going, understanding and loving husband. In my wife's mind, I was easily angered, lazy, forgetful, unloving and worst of all I had "changed". I hated hearing that! I knew that I hadn't, I accepted that, yes, we were fighting a lot more than usual, but just chalked it up to her being crazy or it being that time of the month...every week. Anyways, before I continue rambling too much, I just wanted to thank everyone who posts on this site, those with and those without ADHD. I can confidently say that this site saved my marriage and possibly my life. I have been blessed beyond measure with a loving wife who is willing to do ANYTHING to make our marriage a long, happy, and fruitful one. She has been my rock through it all and continues to stand by my side as I RE-find myself. I look forward to joining this community and offering help as I feel fit, but also knowing that I am not alone (as I have felt for most of my life) and that there are people willing to listen and take the time out of their days to respond to and help strangers...it is a very warm feeling. Thank you all!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
Submitted by aaron12 on 02/03/2012.
Thank you, Aaron
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Thanks so much for posting this, Aaron...it is for couples like you and your wife that I started this site and why my husband and I continue to put so much effort into keeping this community live and going. My best wishes to the two of you as you work through your issues...and thank you in advance for taking a few moments of your own time every once in a while in the coming months/years to respond to other strangers and give others the same gift they have given you.
aaron
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
Welcome to the site. I feel as though my own husband could have written your exact words.
He was diagnosed with ADHD last July. Began Wellbutrin 300 mg alone in July, and it really did nothing on it's own. Over the holidays, we were at a "do or die" point in our marriage and finally gave in to trying the serious stuff. He began Adderall on January 6, 2012 and he is the man I married (almost 25 years ago) all over again.
Do everything you can to get control of this demon ADHD. Take whatever medication you may need, go to counseling (alone and with partner), whatever it takes. READ not only Melissas amazing book, but ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you can to get full understanding of your ADHD, and what your wife, as well as your marriage in general has been through. Keep trying to conquer this demon. It can be done. A few short months ago, I was ready to divorce (or kill LOL) my husband. Things were THAT BAD. Now, after ALOT of work and struggle and finally getting things under control, we actually may stand a chance to HAPPILY celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, together, as a happily married couple this April 4th.
I wish you nothing short of the miracle that my husband has been blessed with. It's an uphill battle, but it's your wonderful wife, family, and future you are fighting for, and that deserves all you have to give. HUGS to you and your wife. Keep us posted on your progress, and don't give up until you find what works.
We recently purchased her
Submitted by aaron12 on
We recently purchased her book and are going thru it together one chapter at a time, so far it has been AMAZING! Not only the content, but the conversations that develop as a result are priceless! My wife has been doing so well with everything, better than me most of the time. Ever since I had my "ah HA" moment, I have had my mind consumed with more thoughts than before and it has lead to some worry. Am I doing this right? Is this a normal thing to say? Does anyone else notice how strange I feel? It has helped to keep me in check a little bit, however it is also making social activities a little...odd, I suppose would be the best term. I find that I don't interact as well or as easily with my friends as I used to, for fear that I'm doing something ADHDesque. I'm ready for that feeling to go away and for my confidence in myself to come back. Everyone in my life loved me long before I knew I had ADHD and will continue to do so, there is no reason for me to think this way, but I can't seem to help it. Being self-aware is a double edged sword I suppose. All this time I thought I was flawless :)
I am new to this site, and I
Submitted by Waterfall on
I am new to this site, and I am so thankful for your post! I intend to share it with my husband when he gets home. Please post more from the ADHD perspective. It really helps nonadhd spouses like me understand, and more importantly, have hope for our own marriages!