Hi. Hope you guys done mind. I'm not married to him yet. Still dating. A year and a half today actually. I found this site by googling issues we've been having. When he was younger he was diagnosed with ADD and put on meds for a few years, saw a therapist and when he got about 15/16 and dropped out of school. He stopped both.
I met him at 21 and he was immature. Younger friends. No drive or desire to do anything. Didn't complete his GED or have his license. We became friends and I sort of pushed him to complete these things. I'm older by 6 years. It's been a struggle tho since then and I keep thinking he doesn't care about me since he is always arriving late, forgetting things, etc. he never puts things away. Closes draws and cabinets. Throws wrappers away. If I say something he will do it but it's gotten to where I feel like he's my child. I have to oversee and watch everything. I've come to assume he won't follow thru or will come home when expected and all we've been doing is fighting. He says he loves me. He'll get emotional but then won't change these things. And after reading this site I see that maybe it's really due to his ADD.
so how do I bring it up to him? How do I suggest maybe he goes to see a dr or talk to someone?
I love him but it's exhausting always being let down and always having to pick up the slack and always getting into stupid arguments about him coming home 2 hrs late without stopping at the store for dinner.
Thanks!
Everything that you wrote
Submitted by Moondust on
Everything that you wrote sounds like ADHD to me. Since he was diagnosed when younger and ADHD can't be "cured" he most definitely still has it. If he stopped taking his meds as soon as he was old enough to decide to take them or not on his own, he may feel like he was forced to take them as a child and it may take a lot of convincing to get him to try them again. The good thing is there are lots of options now. He may have stopped taking them because of side effects, so he will need to make sure the doctor is aware of those concerns. The right meds at the right dose can take some trial and error that not a lot of people have the patience for (let alone people with ADHD). So it can be a long road ahead.
I don't have any advice for how to bring up the subject. There's loads of information on this site as well as in the book - The ADHD Effect on Marriage. Hopefully you can find some good advice about bringing it all up to your boyfriend.