Hello. I've never posted here before but I've been reading on this site and others for the last couple of years about ADD/ADHD and it's effects on marriage. I even have the book. My husband is undiagnosed but has several signs of ADHD. Unorganized, speed driven, easily distracted. He said this morning that he wants a divorce. We have been married for over 6 years. We are a second marriage with a blended family, children ages 20-30 with four grandchildren from his children. His struggle with me is that he doesn't feel like that I trust him or that I know him. I've light-heartedly commented on his actions in the past by saying I think you have a severe case of ADD and we've laughed about it. Now I realize it is no laughing matter and by no means am I demeaning it. I merely threw it out there to get a response, whether that was right or wrong. He laughed and that was it. But, what I haven't told him is that his distractibility is to say the least hurtful and so confusing. He says he loves me and I believe that he does, but sometimes I get the feeling that he's only with me now because he doesn't want to fail at marriage #2. That thought comes and goes in my mind. Deep inside I know he truly loves me. I feel there is a connection loss between how he's feeling and how he's able to show me. He says he shows me through working hard to support us, etc. And he does that very well. I'm starting to think is it me who has the attention deficit? I mean that's not beyond the realm of possibility. Maybe I'm unable to comprehend his affection because it's something I'm dealing with. We're going to a Pastor who does restoration ministering for couples and families. He's gone three times already because he said he had a lot of issues to work out and then I could go see him. So I went one time two days ago. He said he feels like a failure on all areas of his life: marriage, kids, business. I'm currently staying with my parents because my husband is so angry at me. His pride is huge and that is the one thing that has always been the most difficult thing for him and that is when I doubt his love for me. I'm so confused. I just feel like ther is an aha moment in all of this that will being us back together. We are so in love, but missing some piece of the puzzle that is so sad. I don't know what to do. I'm standing firm on my faith that he loves me and God will make a way. I guess I just need any advice or words of encouragement. They would be more than appreciated.
Hugs! I have no good advice-
Submitted by smilingagain on
Hugs! I have no good advice- just support.
Please take care of yourself.
Thank you.
Submitted by donhop17 on
Thank you.
I also don't have any real
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
I also don't have any real advice, because I am lost in a situation of my own. But I wanted to say that I understand your feelings of confusion and questioning about what the issue really is and why it is so hard to figure out.
"I feel there is a connection loss between how he's feeling and how he's able to show me."
Yep. I feel the exact same way.
And I feel your pain of the uncertainty of it all. My BF and I got in a fight the day after Thanksgiving and he hasn't spoken to me since. Sigh.