I am not actually married but I love my partner very much and I want her to be well.
I believe that everyone is on a sort of spectrum when it comes to ADHD or ADD. I have attention deficite problems myself and I think our societies functions, demands, and expectations create this kind of behavior in everyone to a degree.
Anyway, my issue is that my partner in my mind functions very well in some areas. She makes a decent living and she has a credible career, especially for being quite young. We have been together for a year and I've noticed that when it comes to engagements she has, especially with her job that involve scheduling, traveling, important landmarks in her life and in her job, she often ends up disclosing a lot of those important one on one conversation topics in public with friends, or with complete strangers. And I don't ever recall her communicating these things to me prior, when I really believe they should be shared with me at some point of reasonable time.
I then feel very left out and un important. I often wonder am I not engaging her right or asking the right questions or listening well enough. We've talked about it and she identifies with the issue as she forgets she thinks she has told me , something but perhaps that was in her head. I mentioned to her at one point that I think she has ADHD, and she wasn't upset but had some disbelief. I think she has ADHD because of the way she has great difficulty with cohesive conversations, organization, she is very easily distracted and I've noticed this and when we speak and she literally looks off and stares at puppies playing its like she is totally transfixed and I could be talking about my dreams aspirations or a very bad day. I've just dealt with it but there are other avenues of this behavioral issue that are hitting me too hard. She doesn't think she has it but I am pretty positive its affecting her career and our relationship.
I don't know what to do I've expressed my concern with her and she knows I feel this way. I feel so embarrassed and estranged to her when these things occur. I don't feel as if I'm an integral part of her life.
Can anyone relate?
Bird watching
Submitted by Nettie on
For me, it's birds at the feeder that catch my attention when DH is sharing his latest sci-fi thriller. Does your partner know ADHD has an inattentive "version" that may not fit the typical perceptions of ADHD?
Concerning the scheduling of events, if it was me forgetting to tell my partner about an upcoming event while sharing it with a friend, it would be because something in the conversation triggered my memory, NOT because I mean to disrespect my partner. People with ADHD often have trouble with "working memory." My husband and I (we both have ADHD) share a google calendar, and I send out event notices as soon as I schedule one (if the event affects him).
Yes, I can relate. In fact,
Submitted by newfdogswife on
Yes, I can relate. In fact, it wasn't until my husband had an emotional affair (at least that's what he said it was) with another woman, that I discovered this trait about him. He shared many things with her about him and us that he could never talk about with me. We have been married almost 29 years. The affair was with someone he had recently met. So yes, I can totally relate to sharing inner-most feelings with complete strangers, per se..... It was during this awful period that he was diagnosed with ADHD. In doing alot of research on this disorder, I think I remember reading somewhere that this can be one of the traits of some ADDers. I hate to even think what maybe has been said or discussed with the many people that have crossed his path in his lifetime!! If you are having a hard time dealing with this, my suggestion would be to communicate your concerns to your partner, NOW! Since our knowledge of my husband's ADHD, I can remember so many incidents in our relationship that should have been a red flag. We never realized what was going on and now we are left with a relationship that my be damaged beyond repair.
I can relate...
Submitted by YYZ on
"Emotional Affair" is a term I had never heard of until my ADHD diagnosis... This discovery is something that has devestated my wife, and rightly so. We had become so distant that I spoke to a female friend/co-worker about personal things that I should not have. I respected her and thought I could get some female perspective. She was/is married happily with kids. I know this was wrong now, but my oldest/trusted friend is a guy and I could not talk to a female family member because they would be biased. All wrong... I can honestly say I did not have any Real Affair, my wife has her doubts too, and I cannot prove otherwise. My poor communications sound as bad as my lies. Emails confirmed her worst I broke communications before a deadline set by our marriage therapist and have not talked to her since. What a mess I created andI take responsability for my actions. I am sorry for what you are going through... Communication is still difficult for me, especially in a strained moment, but I can get a few of my thoughts out these days. I will keep working on things and keep reading, so I don't forget.
Best Wishes...