Hi,
It appears that most blogs etc including many books around ADHD rarely include the more complex situations where both partners suffer from ADHD or the non ADHD party another condition such as PTSD or Complex PTSD.
I find that the non-ADHD party in these cases often go to town with the negatives such as them having to do parenting in the relationship, denial etc. and use these negatives, unintentionally, to the detriment of the relationship. It becomes increasingly difficult to manage for the ADHD party who is like a sitting duck, stated to be in denial. Often in family situations, feedback from others, such as children or close friends, discredit these actions from the non ADHD party. This then fuels the fire of the ADHD party's perception of the non-ADHD party desperate need to be in control resulting in lack of respect between the partners. Often unintentional selective reading by either party of ADHD books and publications argues their case.
When this escalates, it then becomes increasingly difficult to sustain a relationship. Of course therapists will either have to do couple counseling and understand the complexities which often can only be managed on individual level. It makes for a long and hard journey no matter what. Perhaps there are other souls who have similar situations. Thanks in advance for any response at all.
I agree...
Submitted by c ur self on
It's taken many years for me to realize just how damaging the verbal assaults have been on her....The pointing out, the questioning, things a non add person, could handle and answer with no problem....When two people are drastically different about how they feel and manage life....There has to be boundaries, respected boundaries right from the start, or both parties will end up being abused....The non add person by the inattention, intrusiveness and seemly unconcern of the adder...And the adder by the angry reaction's from their spouse....
What is actually going on in many cases (ours) is my organized, responsible, and self accountable way of viewing and living life is something she could never do, nor would she ever desire...So enter's those poison things called "Expectations" which could never be met....
The only way I've found to avoid the conflict of these huge difference's is "Acceptance" and respected boundaries....If you don't set boundaries that both parties respect, only bad things happen in the relationship....
c