Greetings;
Ive posted on this board a few times and I have read a lot of the posts therein and they have really helped me to get a better understanding of the issues ADHD causes in relationships...
I have a quick question, I think it deals more with me rather then my ADHD spouse.
I am a very introverted person, and a very analytical person; I also work in a high stress atmosphere, I plan out my days to the hour and I really dont like any unexpected surprises. (my spouse is the complete opposite of me.)
My issue is this. She always is talking. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep. I dont have any issue with people talking to me, but the majority of the things she talks about is totally random topics that dont really matter. I have no problem talking about random stuff, but there are limits. Example being, a five minute conversation on the house next to ours being sold, fine but when that turns in to a hour long talk about the current real estate market, followed by looking at houses for an hour on the computer, and showing me each one is a little bit much. Were not even looking to buy a house!
I want to be interested in the things she is interested in, its just, total overkill and it makes me shutdown and not want to talk at all; it also drains me mentally. Ive noticed it does affect our intimacy as well as by the end of the night I just want to go to sleep and hear quite.
I dont know how to fix that.
That sounds like nervous
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
That sounds like nervous chatter. It sounds like she works out her anxiety by non-stop talking. My H does that too.
Talkativeness
Submitted by triedandtrue on
bdrew6 - Hyperactivity in ADHD females is often expressed as extreme talkativeness instead of the physical restlessness found in ADHD males of the impulsive/hyperactive type. Such ADHD women can also be hyper-emotional and inattentive. Stimulant meds, sometimes with an anti-depressant added, can help reduce the "chatty kathy" behavior. You might want to contact her doctor about adding meds or getting the dose adjusted.
This is not to say that ADHD males can't be talkative, too.
Good luck.
This is not to say that ADHD
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
This is not to say that ADHD males can't be talkative, too.
...Oh, yes ..they can...
Stress is a factor...
What You Talk About!!! lol
Submitted by kellyj on
J
Agreed. It wasn't until VERY
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Agreed. It wasn't until VERY recently that we've realized that H's mom is ADHD....very Chatty Cathy
Hello, bdrew6
Submitted by c ur self on
I dont know how to fix that....
Man here:)....I suggest you try to not fix it..:), that is possibly causing some of your unrest about it.....You have a lot going for you in that you are aware...There is a good chance she talks her thoughts even when no one is around...It's self reminders, it's organization of thoughts....And in many cases it may be happening out or boredom....
A fast mind will produce way more detailed thoughts than it's able to filter, or organize in silent memory. So, they end up getting put out there verbally due to this limited recall ability. In essence this is their way of knowing what is something to keep and something to chunk.....(their method of organization) filtering after they here it....
This is a major cause of conflict many times, because as a partner we can be quick to respond to every word...In comparison, it's like she could look into your mind as you are filtering your thoughts...How do you think she would respond to the things that you;re casting off as unprofitable, and definitely not something to verbalize?? LOL...See how that works??
Where you do this internally during the thought process....Just let her know she needs to recognize you are cut from a different cloth and she needs to understand your need for quiet times to organize and process your thoughts....
It's about acceptance of each others realities.....Don't pressure yourself to feel you need to accommodate her rambling with your attentiveness....There is way to do this nicely :)
And since all this talk is effecting your intimacy; maybe when she is lost in one of these monologs...Maybe if you just walked over to her when she is on a role and kissed her....And said.." Hey do you want to go get naked"?? Maybe that would help...LOL...
Mine would just step back and say Sex is all you think about!....And I would just calmly say mostly:)....Hey, and even if it doesn't work, maybe she would stop talking for a while....
Blessings and Good luck...
C
medication
Submitted by triedandtrue on
bdrew6 - It is not the thought fragments flooding the ADHD mind that prevent mental organization and filtering. It is lack of dopamine. Sufficient dopamine allows thought fragments to coalesce into complete thoughts and ideas. It allows people with ADHD to reduce self-talk and talkativeness and instead to internally organize their thoughts. To deprive ADHDers of this potential is to punish them for having a disability.
Your wife could try increased or tweaked medication for a few months, at least. Worth a try. And you need peace and quiet.
What Rx helps with the
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
What Rx helps with the dopamine issue?
My H talks non-stop because it's how he organizes and comes up with his thoughts. Instead of quietly thinking (like a normal person!) he subjects me to his brain's meandering so...and demands that I listen and not interrupt. Ugh! And, because he's "organizing" his thoughts, he talks VERY slowly. It's agonizing. If I complete his thought, he gets angry and says, "let me talk". Ugh! (I want to hide!)
organization
Submitted by triedandtrue on
Stimulant meds (methylphenidate, Adderall, etc.) boost dopamine or keep it from flowing away too quickly in the ADHD brain. Sometimes adding a mood stabilizer / anti-depressant provides calm and can further help the ADHDer feel better and gain self-control. The meds also help counter the repetitive and emotional speech that sometimes go with extreme talkativeness.
Once medication lays the foundation, some CBT might yet be necessary to help the patient come up with supportive tips and methods to organize thoughts. But behavioral therapy or coaching might not be needed. The meds let the mind do its job.