I'm dating a guy who is 24 and has Adhd. Its been 3 months now. Things are good, but sometimes things can get soooooo confusing and annoying. I am very frustrated because he works so much and lives 30 minuets away from me and we hardly have time to see each other... but even though we don't see each other a lot, when we do its great. we only see each other once every two weeks cause he has so many responsibilities. He tells me how much he wishes he could spend more time with me... And we almost broke up cause of it, but he couldn't cause he said he wanted to keep being with me and didn't want to regret it if we broke it off.
I feel like if i'm not around him, i'm not on his mind sometimes...only when im in front of his face...even tho he doesn't like texting and calling he does try to occasionally remember to call and text..he has met my parents and he was so excited to meet them, which was different for me because usually guys are not ready to meet a girls parents formally like he did.
He is very sweet and affectionate when were together, hes easy to talk to and he listens VERY VERY well. When I tell him what he does wrong he apologizes and tries to change, I see how hard he tries.
Its not easy cause he doesn't open up to me too much so I dont know how much he likes me. He just told me that when he met my parents he liked me even more. He talks about the future sometimes like talking about having kids briefly or us having dinner parties in our own home, or...him saying, when we just met that he sees himself still being with me in four years. but sometimes I'm unsure.
I have heard some really bad things about dating guys with adhd..and I was just wondering, since its only been three months, Does anyone have any advice and examples, on what you generally go through in a relationship when dating a guy with adhd, what I have to look out for in our relationship in the future.
Also, Is it typical in a adhd guy for him to not break it off with a girl? He said usually all the girls broke it off with him....should i be worried? I really need help.
Forewarned
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
Hello. Ah if only the courting period lasted forever. I would suggest you look around the site. People with ADHD can be wonderful but it is a brain condition that will not go away. Stress makes it worse. It's hereditary.
The most important thing to keep in mind is to not have traditional relationship expectations. Unmet expectations is the root of all unhappiness. If you can go with the flow, emphasize personal strengths rather than traditional roles, and know that fairness is a myth then success is possible.
As for who dumps whom, I doubt there is statistical significance. I would speculate that those with impulse control issues would be more apt to break things off while inattentive types may not notice there is a problem until its too late. Best wishes to you and your boyfriend.
ADHD & relationship
Submitted by WhyWhyWhy on
Honestly, if I knew then what I know now I would have run away. I love my husband a great deal and he is really pretty great in many ways. He tries so hard to overcome his issues. I truly have no clue what a healthy relationship is but it seems like it should be a lot less work. My first husband was an alcoholic so that was no better. Be prepared to be the adult in the relationship. Mine is now 40. I am our primary financial support since he can't hold a job for long. Over the years I have had to deal with his kids problems since he won't go to the school and meet with the principals and teachers although he has actually done it the last couple times. He can do some things really well and every thing else I have to take care of. We have been together 7 years and I have finally found a way to manage our money without him spending it all. We fight often about many things. What he wants he often gets fixated on. That means to keep the peace I often have to do things I don't want to do which ranges from going somewhere to sex, if I don't give in there is no peace.
On the plus side he can be very sweet and loving. There is something in him that will never let him cheat on me so while we go through cycles of hyper focus and lack of interest he won't cheat so he eventually comes back to hyper focus on me. He can be very playful and fun. He has a very good heart and wants to help everyone, even when there is every indication they will cause some kind of damage to us he want to give them the shirt off our back. This often means I have to clean up the mess afterward.
So I guess my advice is to not expect a normal relationship. Give your relationship a long time to brew because you want to get past the hyper focus part and see what your relationship really is going to be.
I feel like if i'm not around
Submitted by irrelephant on
I feel like if i'm not around him, i'm not on his mind sometimes...only when im in front of his face.
That's probably the truth of it.. I think men in general tend to be very single minded, then if you add ADHD into it it is multiplied tenfold. If you stay in the relationship you will need to learn to not take that personally. If every time he forgets to call, gets distracted, etc, you take it to mean something about how he feels about you, you'll be constantly hurt.
Like the others have said, if you continue in the relationship, just do it with your eyes wide open and knowing what you're getting into. ADHD doesn't make someone incapable of having a good relationship, but it can really screw some things up if not dealt with properly (on both sides).
advice I can give you from my world.
Submitted by not2b4gotten on
Hey, if this is confusing you now, just wait until he starts having a rough time from something. Like stress, which usually comes up eventually. Then he may start doing things that totally confuse you. You'll have to be able to deal with it if you love him enough ? Things have really hit hard right now. I don't even know exactly why except that he really is under a lot of stress; which I constantly try to talk to him about, but he doesn't respond well to. A lot of terrible things are happening in his life and all at once. But he is going way out of bounds as far as I am concerned. I trusted him totally at first because he swore he would never cheat on me...I noticed you said that...Be careful.... I was eventually cheated on. I get that he did it from his ADHD. But is this what you want to put up with all of your life ? It's embarrassing. Not to mention could start a whole bunch of trouble elsewhere in his life ( and yours ). Your young yet.. And my guy is the sweetest guy you'd ever want to know, No violence. Doesn't overspend like some do. He has great qualities!! But all in all, the ADHD totally sucks !!! Your heading for a very hard life and your heart is going to break if you can't handle it. I can only hope you and he can work on the right things early to stop it from getting any worse. It does not go away. It's permanent. My truth is....I do love my guy. But the ADHD discovery only happened a short time ago. Before that, he was hiding most of it pretty well. The only things I noticed a lot were the forgetfulness, leaving doors and draws open, sloppiness. Nothing to make a big deal about. But when the cheating started, it devastated me. Especially because our sex lives was pretty much gone. Maybe that gave him a false sense of getting away with stuff ? I don't know. Good luck. Keep reading. ADHD brings a lot of stuff out of a person that even they don't understand. Then make your decision. Not sure I can tell you much more, other than to read, read, and read more. And try very hard to get him to open up and talk with you about his feelings and yours to him. It's important, if your going to work things out together and you feel it is all worth it like I do. If I knew then what I know now ? Who knows what I may have decided ? Good luck to you both. I believe your both going to need it.