I enter the room he is in.
Him: “What’s up? Aren’t you going to church?”
Me: “I have been feeling nervous and anxious the past few days. I think I will stay home.”
Him: Watches TV again.
Me: After waiting for a response that never came or that he heard me. “I wanted to talk on the patio but it’s really hot outside.”
Him: After a minute of silence, “It’s 92*
Him: He gets up a walks to another room.
Me: “I feel bad when you answer my questions with an angry one word, but nearly every day you spend hours over the fence of the neighbor lady, leaning in, smiling and laughing with her”
Him: "Where doe this jealousy come from? You're crazy!"
Me: "I'm not jealous. I'm upset and sad."
Him: Getting up and walking away. “I’m going to make something to eat.”
Me: After waiting a few minutes,”Do you have anything to say?”
Him: “I’m thinking”
Me: After a few minutes, “Are you still thinking?”
Him: After a few minutes in the kitchen, I’d been waiting for a response. “Everything I do is not good enough for you. I washed some windows and you said you wash the frames when you wash them.You tell me everything you do better.”
Me: “You took offense because yesterday I told you I wash the frames of the windows?” (I had also been washing windows) “How does that have anything to do with what we were talking about?”
Him: no answer. Silence.
Me: I wait.
Him: Walking away, “I’’m going to eat my oatmeal. Talk later”
That was over an hour ago. He has been in the garage smoking his cigars.
It’s that exactly
Submitted by Swedish coast on
Dear Jennalemone, I'm so sorry for you.
I read your post like a theatre scene.
He acts like everything begins and ends with your criticism, and you're an aggressor. He avoids you in every possible way and when cornered tries to counterattack (about the windows). He finally flees to the garage.
You seek him out because over time, his behavior has been affecting your health. You need for it to change. You need him to offer you something. Repeatedly, you ask him to reply. When he leaves, pain is ten times worse than in the beginning of the scene. Now you're not only sickened by his dysfunction, but also abandoned when crying for help.
I've been in this scene a thousand times. I never understood how he wanted to live with me, but wouldn't even try to offer some relief for my pain.
He had concluded long ago that no contribution of his was ever good enough for me. He knew I would always be disappointed. I however, tried to convince us both that I wasn't.
Now, going through divorce, I tend to think of my former character as lacking an important piece of knowledge. I always hoped for change, because my brain is capable of the change I expected. His isn't. That I didn't know.
What strikes me as the oddest thing is that he didn't ask for divorce fifteen years ago. He knew all along there was no way I would ever be happy with him. And therefore he was never happy either.
Instead here we are now, so much later.
I physically feel your pain of being let down this way. I don't know how we're supposed to manage it.
Thank you Swedish coast
Submitted by jennalemone on
Thank you Swedish coast. I'm sorry you have gone through this many times also. It does make you feel like you are crazy when you can't have a heart to heart and talk kindly and lovingly with the person you are married to. If he would just say, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I will be more thoughtful of you in the future." I KNOW that is what I would say if the tables were turned. Why would you just leave your spouse hanging like that?
After letting this settle in my mind, I am getting the idea that what he was saying (thinking) without saying outright to me is that "The neighbor lady accepts me the way I am".
I hope things are better for you in the future.
Accepting lady
Submitted by Swedish coast on
It's so sad. I wish he could do something more considerate than flirt to feel better about himself.
All my best to you!