My husband and I been married for 12 years. The 8 years have been very rough and not very good. We fight constantly and he blames me for his problems. He's had ADHD since he was very young. He recently went to a doctor and got medication and doesn't seem to be helping. When he loses something he goes straight to me and starts blaming me for misplacing something he put down 30 seconds early. I get tired of it. He's become very angry and has placed a lot his angry to me. I've always been a very happy person and easy going. Being around him makes me feel a lot angry and upset. I've never cried so many times in my life over hurtful things he's said to me and about my family. When we were first together we got along great and always did things together. He's in web development and he constantly on the computer talking to his buddies 24/7 instead of handing out with his family. He always on his phone and I have to bug him to just talk to him for a few mins. I can't deal with this anymore. We don't sleep together anymore since we constantly fight. He lies a lot, procrastinates about things and seems angry. I just wish we could sit down and talk but that doesn't seem to happen anymore. Any advise would help.
Dealing with a ADHD spouse
Submitted by ann3242664 on 07/11/2014.
I can relate to having a
Submitted by AGaen on
I can relate to having a husband who is overly angry over routine life events. Also to your anger and crying. I have been married for over 14 years and have known my husband for over 17 yrs. I am struggling too. Today's offense has to do with him using up all the sliced pickles AGAIN and not writing on the board that we needed more. And of course a pickle was exactly what I was looking forward to on the sandwich I just made!
I would suggest reading the books that Melissa Orlov has written. I am 1/2 way through the 2nd book. The first book was the best book I have ever read concerning how I feel and understanding better why my husband does the things he does. I have yet to let go of the resentment and intense anger at times, but I keep reading and keep trying calming strategies. The books may truly lead you in the direction you need to go.
Also, as far as sitting down to talk..... just do it. Make it happen. Take the initiative, schedule the time with your husband, and just start talking. If he does not respond to your concerns or give you some needed answers right there, give him a deadline. Try to be flexible (oh so hard. so very, very hard), and allow him a little extra time, but then hold him to his actions and words. Decide for yourself what you can and can not do and tell him. Email him the conversation if you think it is not sinking in. Take care of you. If he is going to change the way he handles things at home, he must do it himself, but you must also be clear about what you expect. I'm just learning all this myself. The disappointment and continued waiting is more intense than anything I have ever experienced. Good luck to you.