i am the non-ADHD fiance for 7 years to a man with ADHD as well as sex addiction (SA). He was only diagnosed in the last 2 months. I knew very early on that he was exceedingly messy. But since he was away about 75% of the time and had his own home I could cope. I would happily clean up after my week with him and live normally until the chaos of another week with him. I found out shortly after this the cheating and it took me 2 years to realize he also has a sex addiction (craigslist, prostitutes are his thing).
The good
- he does agree he has ADD and SA
- he is very thoughtful and kind for the most part
- he can be relied upon in emergency situations
- I myself have a chronic illness and he has no issue with it
The bad
- he has taken some steps (2 appts with a sex addiction counsellor, 1 group SA meeting) but obviously not nearly enough, reading some books (Patrick Carnes)
- inability for us to communicate in a way to resolve problems - eg. I told him it seemed he didn't have much motivation and he took it to mean he was always wrong and was sick of the complaints. He then demanded solutions and I responded that I did have some ideas but it's not possible to share them if I 'can't get to that point in the conversation'
- very risky investments cost him $100,000 that I know of
- projects that should take 2 days not done in well over a month is typical
- in a chronic state of mess and chaos in the house
- chronic disappointment - eg I'[ll do this today and it NEVER gets done
- unrealistic ideas such as inviting guests for a weekend without telling me so I can prepare and not even having a place for them to sleep
- hard to get in any time with him as he is always so busy on goodness knows what
- just can't seem to priortize on what is important eg . will work on fixing old useless cell phones that should be tossed while he is jobless and should be looking for work
Does this all sound typical ? I feel like a nag for even writing it out but it has been so stressful I finally moved out of our home into an apartment just so I could feel good in my home due to not having a mess everywhere and him in a constant state of emergency.
Yes. Typical
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
Except not the sex addiction. That would cross my boundary of what I am willing to accept. That could compromise both of your health and it would compromise my personal sense of well being.
The rest, yes. The inviting people over without warning... ALL THE TIME! Although he is better.
And I have a separate apartment as well because I was exhausted by his unreliability and constant choose and to save on a commute.
I wish you the best of luck. Find the strength to love yourself and ask yourself if this is really what you want.