I posted earlier today describing my husband (http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/i-hope-hell-agree-take-meds)
I gave him a printout of this page here, (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm) which enumerates some adult ADHD symptoms, and asked what he thought of it. He says, yeah, maybe he is a little ADD but most of that is just normal stuff everyone has. Anyway it was about a 20 minute conversation (not an argument) which mostly consisted of him using his usual defense saying he has too much to do and that "when things settle down" it will be better. I pointed out that I had never seen things settle down for him enough in 16 years, and asked him nicely when he expected that to happen. He changed the subject. Anyway to make a long story short, I got him to grudgingly agree that he would ask a professional about it but he still insists that whatever "touch" of ADD he has is not a problem.
Frankly, after reading many of the posts on this forum, I think someone must have a secret hidden camera in our house and is telling all those ADD stories about him! And it seems that every single thing that I dislike about our relationship is an ADD thing. ( THat seems like a dangerous over-generalization, but if it isn't true, I swear it is close.) I just want the crazy train to stop.
I think it is going to be a real uphill fight to get him to deal with this. I'm sad because I thought he'd be more open to it.
I feel your pain
Submitted by Tigerfly on
Man, how frustrating to be trying to find solutions and have him so obtuse and in denial. Like you though I'm reading these posts and in near tears at how similar my situation is. I'm going to check out that link and show it to my H and see what he says, but if it's anything like every other issue we're dealing with he'll be open to change... until he forgets.
I've been reading the blogs too, trying to work on myself and how I handle his symptoms. That has been really hard for me, I actually have ADD as well and am coming face to face with my own challenges and symptoms. I know I have a milder less self destructive version of it but it's still hard to remember what he may be going through and calm my frustration (could be pregnancy hormones though, cause I really thought I was more patient than this in general)
I wonder, would he accept that he's got a serious issue to work on, if someone other than you told him? family friend or something? My H is always coming home with these epiphanies saying NOW he understands this or that coz so n so told him their experience or whatever. Forget that it's word for word what I said the night before, but now coz Mr. XYZ said it, it must be true. until he forgets it that is... :-[ but I try to capitalize on those apologetic, contrite, agreeable moments.
Wishing u Success!
'Helina