Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 07/14/2016.
I find that every trip that sounds like it's going to be a lot of fun, ends up being the worst time ever! We've gone to Vancouver from Seattle on the train 3 times now. Each time we were there for only 1 night. And each time the trip home was H fuming about something! The amount of walking we had to do when we should have gotten a cab, me not knowing where to go (because "I" was supposed to have had it all figured out). Every time he goes motorcycle racing for a weekend and wants (begs!) me to come along because it's "so much nicer when I'm there" he ends up yelling at me because I am not helping him or I'm not doing things right. Simply just going out for a night turns into him road raging on other cars because "nobody" knows how to drive.
Now he wants to go to L.A. for a weekend. Tells me how much fun it will be. Yeah you wanna bet? He won't make any plans or reservations because he's waiting for ME to do it. He wants ME to figure out what to do when we're there because as he says "I LIKE to do that". No I don't! It's because HE won't do it! Then it will come down to "Well I guess we aren't going to go because you don't seem interested in making any reservations." Just like I've heard for months now about how we should go camping. Sure, but YOU make the plans. I want to go on a trip and not have to worry about anything. Not get yelled at because I don't know where we're going. Not freak out because I told him to turn right instead of left and now it's my fault we're lost.
I have the chance to go to travel abroad for free where I work and he comes along for $100 a day. Sounds great right? Wrong! He would be super uptight and it wouldn't be fun at all! I"d probably be in tears within 24 hours!
We hate traveling with my H.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
We hate traveling with my H. "We" are our kids and me.
H gets uptight, blames me for any hiccup, even though I've a good planner, sometimes there is a hiccup. He has ruined so many vacations that I try not to travel with him. I've taken several trips without him. I'm planning a trip to Rome...and no, I don't want him going. He'll probably fuss about not going, but I couldn't risk it. He's a whiny baby who has to sleep in and return back to the hotel early.
Oh if we did take one of the
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Oh if we did take one of the tours our company offers, you can be SURE that H wouldn't want to do stuff with the group. Even if I explained to him before we left that we are expected to do all the sightseeing with the rest of the group and we can't stay at the hotel while they sightsee and we can't just do whatever we want. And of course he'll agree to it at that time, but when we're there, he'd want to sleep in and be grumpy that he can't and then that grumpiness will follow us on the tour and it will make me extremely uncomfortable. He'll complain that the places we have to go to (art museums, cathedrals, castles) are boring and he'd rather be having a beer in a pub.
Yes! My first glimpse of how
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Yes! My first glimpse of how lousy H is to travel with happened on our honeymoon. He wanted to sleep until noon. We were on our first cruise and there were excursions and things to do, but H just wanted to sleep in. He did enjoy that trip, but after that I've had to make him promise to get up by a certain time for trips that involved sightseeing....or he can't come. We went to Washington DC about a year ago. I made him promise to be out the hotel door by 9am every morning. He was somewhat cooperative.
Knowing what I know now, I realize that in H's family, Depression runs deep. They're all late sleepers, except one....and I believe that THAT is often a symptom of depression. Staying up late, sleeping in late.
We're traveling next weekend for a 4 day get-away with one of our adult children and friend. Beach and Casino...so somewhat relaxing w/o sightseeing. H can be difficult at beaches, even tho he swears that he loves the sun and heat. I bought an EZ-Up and comfy beach chairs so he can either relax, or nap in the sun or under cover. Ugh! It's like traveling with a small child or baby....all the focus on his comfort and his attitude.
Some in H's family are good
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Some in H's family are good travelers. However, I was shocked when H's parents came to visit (they rarely visit), and H's dad was very difficult. We visited up the coast, which he only became interested once he found out that there was ONE thing that interested him. Then a couple of days later, we visited another sight seeing place, and H's dad wouldn't get out of the car. He preferred to sit and listen to some sports game on the radio! So he stayed in the car the whole day!
I didn't know much about anxiety back then. Now I realize that he's very anxious when outside of his "small little world" of his zip code.
NVM
Submitted by Mrssanada (not verified) on
BDP
I am lucky enough to work for
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I am lucky enough to work for a company where, after you've been here for a year, you can take one of the tours our company offers for free! You do have to pay your own airfare, but everything else is free. But airfare would be at least $1000 a person so it's not cheap.
Well last night was a perfect
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Well last night was a perfect example of him ruining a nice time. He texted me from work at 3PM saying he had to deliver a part to a client and was wondering if I'd be up for a motorcycle trip and then whatever. I said sure. Gets home at 5:30 and asks what I want to do and I tell him we should go to this one place I knew about after we drop the part off. He tells me "Oh I'm not dropping the part off after all. He's only there until 6 and I didn't want to rush it. I sent you a message about it". Well no you didn't. Anyways he's still up for going to this one place. This place is only about 30 minutes away but we needed directions on how to get there. I told him to tell me the directions and I'll write it down, because I didn't want to get blamed for telling him the wrong directions. He tapes the directions onto the front of the bike and we take off. Well we weren't finding the right road to turn onto, but he didn't seem to care as he was just enjoying riding on the backroads. We stopped for gas and he told me to go inside and ask for directions. I knew before I went in that I wouldn't tell him the right way anyways. Sure enough, I come out and I said "We just hop on that main road there and go that way." He goes "Which way? East or West?" I didn't know and I just said "The guy pointed that way". Well this is when he started getting upset about everything. He doesn't think that that's the right road but it is. Then our helmets have headsets so we can talk to each other, but I had moved the microphone when I asked for directions and forgot to put it back in place. Well I can hear him but all he can hear is static on his end and tells me to put the microphone back in place. Well I can't find it while we're on the bike. It's only 5 minutes until we get to the place, but since he can't hear me, I just point for him to turn there. Well that upsets him because he goes past the turn before I alert him to it then has to turn at the next light and is all agitated. Then we get there and I get off and he's all huffy asking "Where is your microphone"? It happened to be on the outside of the helmet and then gets upset because the foam piece over the microphone is missing and probably flew off. Then he just stands there waiting for me to take the lead because I'm supposed to know where to go. We go in and sit at the bar and he doesn't speak to me. Waiter comes up for our bar order and I can tell H is agitated. Orders food for us without asking what I even wanted. Then starts calming down and all of this was over him being upset at hearing static for 5 minutes in his ear! I ask him if he wants to play pool and he says no, when any other time he'd be up for it. I finally say "Well you look like you just want to go." He goes "No, I'm just tired". I say "Well we should have just stayed home then". He goes "Oh no. The ride was nice...up until I had to hear all that static." Give it a rest about the static! Really? That's going to make this a trip ruiner for you?
This happens every time he doesn't know where he's going. He thinks it's going to be a fun time and then he gets lost and gets mad at me because I am not helping to right the situation. It happens so fast too--him going from being carefree to 10 seconds later being pissed off that we're lost.
Mapper.....I Got Edgy Just Reading This
Submitted by kellyj on
I ride too...so I can picture this perfectly. What stress!! How NOT fun was that???
I ride with friends in small groups and even big groups (as much as 50 bikes )...and sometimes with my favorite riding partner just the two of us. This guy is a racer as well and I always ride behind him since he goes WAY faster than I'm comfortable with.
In every case....this is what we do. Everyone decides the next destination....and everyone has their own map on your tank bag....and then you go. That's it. Everyone is responsible to figure out where their going...by themselves.
And since my friend is so much better at riding fast than I am....he will always get up ahead of me by quite a ways unless it's just on straighter stretches of rode. On the real winding twisty sections...he leaves me behind so no one is waiting...or being held up by anyone and everyone gets to ride at their own comfort level. With my friend.....he'll pull over every now and then and let me catch up. I can picture him now...sitting at some intersection or outside of town just sitt'in and grin'in there lounging on the back of his bike with his feet up relaxing in plain site so you'd never miss him. We check in to make sure we're all Okay....and then we're off again. Any time there is a turn off or intersection that needs to taken....he'll be there waiting just to make sure no one takes a wrong or different turn. And once you get to next town or Tavern (bar)....everyone is there or gets there one by one and we all stop for that drink or food you were talking about. T and T runs as you described it (Tavern to Tavern lol )
But no matter what....everyone has there own map on the Tank bag and even if everyone takes alternative routes to get there....everyone gets there and we all have a good time. With 50 people...or 2....it makes no difference. No problems...no hassles.....no big deals. And no head sets either.
In fact...with my riding buddy who I've spent a great deal of time with doing this....we went 4,000 miles doing this very thing...and never once had a problem or got separated doing it just like that. No cell phones either. Everyone is in charge of themselves...and no one is responsible for directions for anyone but yourself. All you need to know is one thing only. Your destination. How you get there....is up to you.
With my one friend....we'll both stop and look at (our maps) together.....point at a destination....and go. We know the drill...and it's just that easy. If those who are faster want to go faster....no one is stopping them. And for those who don't or want to go a different route....it makes no difference. Everyone gets what they want...and everyone has a good time.
I'd be apt to lie and tell him your headset is broken (even if it isn't) and see what a happens. lol I wouldn't find what you did....any fun at all!!! lol And from the sound of it...it was exactly what I've done a hundred times and never had the problems it sounded like you ran into? You might as well just ride on the back of his bike and not have a bike at all if that's the case. jeeeese!
I'm with you there. That sounds way tooo complicated?
J
Oh I don't ride my own bike,
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Oh I don't ride my own bike, I'm a passenger on his. I can't even imagine trying to learn to ride with him teaching me. I'd be in tears in 30 seconds from all the things I'd do wrong. I'd be super self-conscious riding with him if I was on my own bike. He'd be telling me how wrong I'm riding. Plus, I have zero desire to try and learn anyways. I get enough guff just being a passenger on the back of his bike. If he misses a turn he complains that I should have told him to turn because I should have the directions in my head as well even though he's got them written down right on his tank bag. Every damn time we start out doing something fun it turns to shit because he gets angry about something so trivial.
That Changes Things a Little Mapper
Submitted by kellyj on
I got in context to you wearing a headset that you had your own bike from seeing this so often with partners riding together. And just so you know....there are a lot of ladies out there who ride and I ridden with in these groups. Sorry about that confusion.
What doesn't change is you being responsible for what he should be responsible for and then getting irritated when it doesn't turn out right? I'm still with you there....it's not your responsibility. Your just along for the ride as I summed up anyway in my thinking you "should" just be riding on the back. That makes more sense....but what he did does not. Still basing everything I said and maintaining the same premise...it's not your responsibility when the driver doesn't know where he's going?
I just ran into a similar situation when my wife and her brother and I went on vacation to a spot I'd been to years before but forgot exactly which exit I'd taken. What actually happened was I assumed my wife would have brought all the reservation info with us that I saw sitting on the table before we left. In it...was a map of the area and how to get there. I assumed she would have brought it along and I didn't ask her too.
When we got close to where we were going....I asked her for the info but the map wasn't there? Okay...no biggie...I can find it anyway with a little trial and error which we did end up doing and I just took a longer more scenic route but I wasn't lost by any means.
My wife was irritated but she held her mud mostly until I had to do a couple of turn around to get on the exact road into our destination since it had been over 20 years since I'd been there and had no map or directions at all? And we were all getting tired and wanted to get there including me. I was just as irritated as everyone else was...but mainly at myself for not asking ahead of time and assuming.
But the biggest problem wasn't even that as far as I see this. The biggest problem is everyone assuming someone else will do something...and then nobody does it and then there you are?
If everyone is managing there own affairs and thinking ahead of time of everyone else...if one person slips up occasionally.....then the chances of 1 out of 2....1 out 3.....1 out of 4......that someone else will have remembered what the one person forgot? If your working as a team everyone has everyone else's back as the rule not the exception....then assists get counted on the stats along with errors and scores at the end of the day. It takes a team to win as they say and this is very true.
The problem as I see it isn't making mistakes...but not thinking in those terms. No I in Team as they say. But if your the only person on the team of more than you.....I get where that comes from.
The scenario works in the way I described it...because everyone is looking out for each other and everyone is responsible....it's why it works and is so easy. Also why no matter what goes wrong....you've got :"back up" as they say.
I may have made the mistake of assuming and not asking....but I normally would do that for myself and didn't this time. I assumed wrong in this case and that was my fault and I didn't get angry at them for my mistake and apologized right then and there for my error. That's the difference here...in what I'm seeing?
J
A Memeory of An Exampe of What I'm Saying... Mapper
Submitted by kellyj on
I'm just continuing the same train of thought with you since you can picture this possibly in terms of traveling on a motorcycle with other people (not your case I know...just the example to support this that I just remembered).
I carry with me a complete tool set and tire flat repair on my bike at all times. I even include extras for just in case for what ever reason.
A large contingency of bikes were all heading to a meet in California coming from all different directions. I was traveling in a group of three making our way there. We were just inside the California boarder and we see a bike along side of the rode with the rider standing there. We stopped and discovered he was heading out way to join us. We didn't know this guy...but he was stranded with a flat and he forgot his tire repair kit. It seemed...he had loaned it to someone else and forgot to replace it. I pulled out my spares and handed it to him and we helped him fix his flat. I told him..."pass it forward" and forget about repaying me the same as he did. Take what you need since I don't need it right now...and if I need it before hand....I'm sure someone else will be there to help.
This is what you do and you have faith that someone else will be there when you need it with no expectation of anything in return. It will come back to you someday....but it's the faith and belief that it will...which will allow uou to take the chance. This is how we roll and it's the unspoken rule of riding bikes long distance and assuming the best instead of the worst in every case. Allowing someone to help you with the assumption that they will.....but thinking ahead of time and taking this kind of attitude is why I buy more than I need and carry it along with me not matter what. It goes without saying...and I do it for that reason. I don't need to spend the extra money or expense in having more than I need....I do it just in case and this was the exact case in point.
Taking responsibility not just for yourself...but for someone else ahead of time for someone you've never met before....is why it works.
As it was....now there were 4 of us traveling together...and we just made a new friend along the way. That's how we roll and how that works. You always have the other persons back and do it without question by giving up something first....before you get the same thing in return.
J
So H tells me last night "I'm
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
So H tells me last night "I'm sorry I was so grumpy on our ride. I think it's because I just didn't get enough time at home after work". Let me remind you that HE is the one who brought up the whole idea of going on this ride! He came home and asked where we should go and, for a change, I had a place in mind and he was all for it. He had about an hour at home before we left. Then after we had been at the bar for 30 minutes or so he goes "Well I guess this takes care of Sunday" in a snide sort of manner. So you are basically saying you are upset that this is how you HAD to spend your Sunday night?! I didn't MAKE you come here. I didn't get antsy because we weren't leaving the house. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to stay home?
Just like he can't POSSIBLY be expected to do anything worthwhile when he gets home from work. He is wiped from dealing with customers all day.Yet I come home from work and vacuum, mow the yard, clean the bathroom, scrub the kitchen floor....and this is all before he even gets home from work 2 hours later. Why is it I can do all these things but you can't be expected to do anything but sit in front of the tv or the computer and drink all night?
Well...
Submitted by sensativa on
It's not that he's not comfortable traveling with. It's the lack of planning and sudden loss of attentiveness that makes me dread traveling with him.
I do most of the planning, and when I try to suggest things he either answers "I don't know" or gets confused easily and gives up on traveling altogether. Or he makes me do all the planning before the trip and I have to come up with the things we should do while we're there.
I mean, he wants to go camping, but he's not involved in the plans. And I really, REALLY don't want it to make it just MY trip, if you know what I mean?
I know EXACTLY what you mean!
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I know EXACTLY what you mean! My H wants to do stuff do and will bring up all these fun things we COULD do, but he'll just keep bringing them up and wait for me to plan them, and if I don't, then it never happens. He'll say "Well I brought it up enough but you didn't seem interested". It's not that I wasn't interested, it's that I'm SO tired of having to plan every aspect of every trip only for you get upset that I picked a bad hotel or I should have planned the route better. We went to Vancouver and it was up to me to book a hotel, figure out some places to eat and get to the hotel. Well the whole time on the train, he didn't ask one thing about where we were staying or how to get there. He was just happy to be going somewhere. We step off the train and he immediately grills me on where we need to go and then I tell him we can just walk there and probably get there by going down this one street. He agrees to it at first but then starts getting agitated because we should have taken a cab and then I get a little confused on what corner it was on and he starts getting angry. Why didn't YOU look at the map to see where it was? Why are you depending on me to have it all figured out and then flipping out when we are a block off?
I had such dreams of
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
I had such dreams of traveling the world with my husband. Visions of drinking wine while lazily floating in a pool with an infinity edge in Santorini, watching the sunset. Dancing with him in the streets of Barcelona during a festival - the gypsy music beating in our hearts. Having a pint in the pub in London with my friends there and cheering on the great times. Having a romantic picknick with with him at the park in Belgium where my friend takes his lunch, next to a canal and 400 year old church. Walking the Great Wall of China, camping on the Mongolian Steppes, eating weird stuff in Tokyo and then hitting a karaoke bar with a bunch of new friends - celebrating life. Walking in Paris in the rain. Hitting SCA (a reenactment group we are in) events all over the world. Sit on a beach in Hawaii - just basking in love for one another.... Retire early so that we could just enjoy life.
Pipedreams.
We cut our honeymoon short because he was homesick. We wanted to hit all the great Sci-Fi/Alien/Space places in the South West and then hit Vegas for a conference I was going to speak at. It was all a bust. I cried as we drove by the Petrified Forest because he didnt want to stop. And then my schedule was uttlery screwed (I have bad sleeping problems) because there was no stopping - we went straight through and man it sucked. I vowed to never travel again with him after all the fighting and hurt feelings, and I have stuck to that other than SCA events.
I still plan on traveling, but by myself and with friends. I have no problem seeing the world with out him, but it makes me sad. I dont want to not enjoy my experiences.
That's exactly what it is..
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
That's exactly what it is...wanting to enjoy experiences and not be walking on eggshells wondering if walking an extra 2 blocks is going to make him go berserk or getting up 2 hours early to go do something rather than sleeping in is going to mess up his entire day! I find myself never really doing what I want but making sure he is constantly content at what we are doing. I never initiate going places or doing anything because he always balks at it, then bitches that I never initiate doing anything! With him constantly complaining that he is so exhausted from work and always has to hang out with me instead of playing his guitar or video game or have his down time then why WOULD I initiate doing anything?!
That sounds a little like my
Submitted by waldewin on