Anyone else here feel like friends/family have absolutely no clue what we deal with, or think we are being petty or exaggerating? I was just talking to a friend who's husband is an alcoholic. She is trying to get him to go to AA and to get help for depression. We were talking and it finally dawned on her what I have been going through. We both realized how similar our situations are. Until this conversation, I think she thought I was just bitching and moaning about a perfectly nice husband. I get the impression from family that they think I am really hard on my husband. He is an incredibly sweet person who does whatever I tell him to do. But they see it as me bossing him around. They don't see that if I don't tell him what he needs to do, that it won't ever get done.
I have learned over the years to keep his ineptness on the down low or I just come off looking like an evil witch. Feels like I am hiding the fact that my husband has a neurological disorder and that I am doing the best I can to survive within it.
My family and close friends
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My family and close friends have some idea of what I"m going through and are sympathetic. Most sympathetic are women who are divorced or whose husbands are dysfunctional in ways similar to my husband, even if not for the same reasons. My husband's family thinks he's a saint and I'm a witch.
No one understood, ended up isolated
Submitted by dedelight4 on
No one on either side of our families understood what I was dealing with, and I ended up totally isolated because of it. My husband's family loved him, because he wasn't the addicts his siblings were, and he would help his mother out. But, my family didn't like him and will not believe in ADHD. Some people on both sides of our families don't believe ADHD is real. I also started isolating myself from people in general.....friends, etc. because I just couldn't handle the extra time and energy it takes for friends, due to what I was living at home. Glad to say, that lately it's getting better though.
I also found out I am an ADHD MAGNET. The last three girlfriends I've had (I would later find out) were ADHD. A couple guys I dated before my husband (of course) turned out to also be ADHD. I couldn't STAND one more ADHD person in my life. I was actually glad in the long run that my husband and I couldn't have children of our own, because I don't know what it would have been like with ADHD children on top of a husband. They are NOT BAD PEOPLE....it was that I am an easy going person and TOO MUCH OF A LISTENER. And ADHD folks want to talk all the time, and I would NEVER get to talk to any of them. IT'S EXHAUSTING. And I couldn't and still don't trust myself enough to make friends again. (for now) It's going to take me a while before I trust myself to make healthier decisions about the people I'm around. Or, I get counseling and learn how to control conversations better, or tell people to stop talking.....(it's MY turn now) LOL.
I've wondered is it all right to ask someone (ahead of time)....."Are you ADHD?" So, that I could decide whether or not to become close friends. I sound like a horrible person to talk like this. I don't ever want to be MEAN to people, or folks I meet. I don't want to be a constant LISTENER anymore. Maybe that's more MY problem than it is anyone else's.
I can relate
Submitted by Beachlover68 on
Vivian, I know what you mean! From the outside, our family looks functional enough. We put on a good show. My husband is a successful business owner. I manage the kids/house and put on a happy face. But our home life is chaotic and full of conflict and frustration. It causes me so much hurt. I see a counselor and try to work on myself and change what I can about me. But it is beyond exhausting to live in an ADD world and not be able to really discuss things and connect on a meaningful level with my husband. If I do, it is perceived as a personal attack or me being neurotic. He actually told me today that I should talk to my doctor about medication because the clutter and mess in and around our home affects me so much. There are many people I know who would be much more vocal than I am about the amount of stuff that occupies every square inch of space where we live. There are days , like today, where I just can't take it and open my mouth.
Thank you all! To know I am
Submitted by Vivien on
Thank you all! To know I am not a horrible witch and nag...not really :-) and am among people who get what's like is truly a blessing.
Most family and friends can't truly understand....
Submitted by c ur self on
The first few years of my marriage I talked about what I was living in w/ some of our family and my own close friends..(before counseling)...It was the wrong thing to do...My daughter just cried...And said Dad we just want you to be happy...They truly hated that I was so miserable....My best friend and his wife just begged me to leave her...
In hind site I should have never been so weak as to discuss my pain with them, there was absolutely nothing they could do...I guess I was I hoping someone would just throw me a life line, because I felt as though I was drowning all the time....
My W is very loving to our children and friends...The are aware she can be irresponsible and they watch her under certain situations...But they love her :)...It's the spouse who catches the daily brunt of the effects and behaviors... That is one of the main reason's I like this forum...When I read many of your posts...I can have more than sympathy for you...I can have empathy...We can touch each other....
Blessings!