Submitted by sam on 08/05/2012.
My ADD husband and my relationship is non extent anymore. He wants the relationship when he wants, so its on and off all the time and i can't live like this anymore! We don't talk, don't really touch , hardly around and internment unless he wants it. What am i ment to do even when i have tried everything i can think of and tried some stuff from here?
Sometimes a separation....
Submitted by lynnie70 on
Sometimes a separation can be helpful just to let them know you cannot live in the situation as it stands. Plan in advance what the rules are.... no dating, etc. Be clear on what is too difficult for you to live with. Set a date to get back together or to reconsider. See a counselor on your own if he won't. Sometimes it helps to correspond mostly by email to cut down on the yelling and actually be able to express yourself. Ultimately, if they don't want to cooperate and work with you, there's not anything you can do for them. It will have to be doing what is best for you.
I will reinforce
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
Just to echo what was said here. When you separate, you MUST make RULES, and they must be followed to a "T" or the deal is over. That is one thing I failed to do, but assumed that since we were "working on our marriage", they were implied. Men have a totally different concept of what a separation means, and ADHD men, having their own additional set of issues, can be even worse.
Draw up guidelines, be sure they are agreed upon AS WELL AS UNDERSTOOD by both parties, and adhere to them. It will save alot of heartbreak and alot of wasted time. If you think he is off thinking about fixing the relationship and getting his head on straight, UNLESS YOU HAVE RULES, you may be very surprised by what he IS actually doing.
Best of luck to both of you.