i seem to give off some kind of energy that makes people want to unload their problems on me. When I was growing up, my mother inappropriately shared problems with me. She complained nonstop about how much she hated her parents. After I got married, my MIL did the something very similar. Except my MIL complained a lot about how much she disliked being a mother and a grandmother. Really inappropriate stuff!! People that I barely know will confide in me and tell me shocking stories about themselves. One time I Got a massage and the lady giving me the massage spent the entire 60 minutes telling me how much she disliked her clients. Again, so inappropriate! By the time the massage was over, i could barely move my neck because I was so stressed from taking in all of her negative energy. Big waste of money for the massage!!
I’m just curious if any of the other non ADHD spouses give off this same kind of energy. I would really like to learn how to change this dynamic.
Yes, but I'm having a hard
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Yes, but I'm having a hard time putting it into words. I'll try to organize my thoughts sufficiently to post more later.
Hopeful, happens a lot
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Yes, this happens to me too. Always has. For me, I think maybe it's because while growing up, I wasn't allowed to talk, and mainly listened. I took that into adulthood, but then didnt know how to use my voice well. Had to learn how to speak my mind but do it well. Still learning.LOL. People seem to be so desperate for someone to listen to them, especially the past couple decades, its unnerving. What have we become as a society? I sometimes wonder?
I dont know how to unchange this though. Will watch for others responses. Interesting question though.
I don't think we give off the
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I don't think we give off the wrong type of energy. Instead, I think, empathy (which is good) is mistaken by certain people as "I want to hear your every feeling, and really, I don't mind if you insult me in the process." If it's my children, I don't mind; others, I do.
PoisonIvy, great point
Submitted by dedelight4 on
This is a great point PI, and I agree. This isn't a negative energy. People can go too far in their willingness to "share" with someone who offers a listening ear. It can even cross some boundries.
Empathy
Submitted by Hopeful Heart on
Thank you both for your input. When people are over sharing in a manner that’s alienating to me and makes me feel unwanted, I keep asking myself, “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to send me a message? Are you desperate for drama? Or are you just that dumb?”
I think you’re both right. People are just so desperate for someone to hear them that when they sense empathy they can’t help but unload their problems.
I agree Hopeful Heart....
Submitted by c ur self on
( People are just so desperate for someone to hear them that when they sense empathy they can’t help but unload their problems.)
Hurting people just unload...Especially on a person who seems calm and caring...(A hearer)....There is so much pain in this world, so many relationships where communications isn't possible on any healthy level....Lot's of selfishness (I don't have time for you)....I've meet guys in the gym that are troubled...I'm a believer and try to be an encourager....One guy, I befriended just live's a unhealthy life style, one in his forties, wife left him and cut off communication, very painful...One guy's wife has been anorexia for years...He has dealt w/ hearing her purge after eating for years...He is caught up in mothering, and his heart is sick....There is so much hopelessness in this world....
So I might just smile and speak, and end up standing their for 45 minutes listening, and encouraging and praying for these men...People will pay 100.00 or more an hour just to be heard....
This site has been a comfort for so many of us...It's a outlet that we can at least be heard, and experience a little empathy by those in the same situation, and understand...
c
C, well said
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I agree too. People ARE desperate for someone, anyone to just listen to them. It's sometimes even easier ro talk to a stranger, than someone you know.....is an old saying.
And, here, we can even rant sometimes just to be heard, when we cant be heard at home. But, here, its a little different. We are cognisant of others feelings for the most part. And, we arent trying to be vicious or hurt anyone on purpose. Its a safe place to come and share, and get feedback with it. Which is awesome. We learn so much from each other.
But, its true that our society has been breaking down, and there are so many emotionally hurting and desperate folks today, who dont know where ro turn. We all need to do better, and without God, this is an even more difficult thing. And it shows just how much we need Him. (Sorry, not trying to preach)
Me too
Submitted by adhd32 on
I have this happen to me all the time. Why? I'll never know. I have the "I'm not mad it's just my face" kind of face. My demeanor is not super friendly and approachable but I do acknowledge people when I am out and about. I nod or smile or say hi. If asked, my answers to questions are not necessarily the answer someone wants to hear. I feel as though some people are afraid of me because I tell the truth or make them face reality.
So with all that, I am often surprised when people, sometimes complete strangers, share very personal information with me. These are people I encounter while waiting in line, on the subway, at the Dr's office, at the supermarket, while traveling. Maybe they feel safe talking with someone they will probably never see again. Maybe they feel I won't judge them because I don't know them.