Has anyone else had this experience with their ADHD spouse? Things are going well right now...for a while now. But I just cannot relax into it. I am only about 85% invested because the other shoe is sure to drop at some point so I have to save a little bit of myself so I won't be totally leveled when the bottom drops out again. Right now DH is helping around the house a ton, being a great dad, keeping in touch with me when he travels, really all around good man. But...in the past, as recently as a year ago, there have been three other women, a secret bank account, a car purchased without my knowledge, a credit card given to a friend...I could go on. So even as I lay in bed with his arm over me I am telling myself do NOT get comfortable--he could be doing something irresponsible right now, you just haven't found out yet. Or, yes, this feels nice and calm now, but he could have three other email accounts that you don't know about, so don't settle in too much. Is this that bad? I feel like I am protecting myself from the next disaster or lie. And there is sure to be one, there may be one going on already, I just don't know it.
thoughts?
dana
Melissa, HELP!
Submitted by jennalemone on
Has there been studies as to why us spouses put up with this chaos in our lives? It is very uncomfortable to be in situations where we cannot trust anything when in these partnerships. What is the payoff for us to continue? I am IN it but don't understand it myself. Dvance. It is so clear to us when we see someone else writing these excruciating circumstances. Yet we stay and try yet another year and another until at the end we are stuck. I wish I could say what it was. Fear? Conditioning? Upbringing? Lack of options?
Dvance, I have been where you are with the same rumbling in the stomach that I have come to accept is the way I will feel for the rest of my life. The rumblings and nausea of chaos and mistrust. It is not a good way to live our lives. Yet we don't move and we feel powerless to change.
I feel you Dana...
Submitted by c ur self on
We work so hard to condition ourselves to expect certain behaviors, so we can deal with our own emotions and maintain our own peace when the hammer drops...So I see what you mean...Personally, I would stay at the 85%. My wife has been very sweet and has made a great effort to be aware lately...But, what goes on in her mind isn't going no where!...So no illusions for me....Just thankful when we are able to have a peaceful day together...
C