These are my stories too. My husband must have ADHD. For 30, yes thirty, years, I have lived with a man who has lost job after job and can't explain why. We are currently suffering financially because his job situation just continues to get worse due to his lack of focus and organization. He can't carry out simple tasks because he gets distracted doing others. He never remembers anything I tell him and it makes me feel like he just doesn't care. In the beginning of our marraige, he was so focused on me but lost that focus and now we barely communicate. He can't hold a conversation for any length of time and a lot of the time falls asleep instead of listening. If he attempts to read anything, he falls asleep. Therefore, anything that relates to paperwork or paying bills, I am in charge of. I feel like the biggest nag but what I have become is his mother. I hate what I have become.....he is like having another child, a 58 year old child and I am just tired. Tired and depressed and kind of done. I am obviously angry at myself and at him. I asked him years ago to go see someone because something was just not right.....of course, he never followed through. I think I want to leave.....I have spent 30 years doing this.......I don't know that I am capable of doing the work to try and fix it.....I am too exhausted.
Frustrated....
Submitted by frustratedinNC on 02/19/2015.
What does your H say about the fact that he can't hold onto job?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
What is your H saying? Does he blame himself? Does he always blame the employer?
Does he go to work late? Does he goof off or not get things done?
Has he been evaluated for ADHD?
I put up with a LOT from my H, but I don't think I would put up with chronic job loss and money issues resulting from that. Frankly, I only put up with my H's nuttiness because it would financially devastate us to split up. He worked for 31 years with one company and has a super pension and fab benefits. If I left him, I would get half of his pension, but lose the bennies (fab healthcare), and I would have to give him half of my business...and that would ruin the business.
I don't think I would be able to put up with supporting a healthy adult-child who was only a burden, but maybe your H contributes to the household in ways that my H never would. My H would never do the shopping, cleaning, laundry or cooking, so if he wasn't bringing in money, he'd just be a burden. He'd just be a person who would spend w/o approval and bankrupt us. .
I
He can't say why he loses his
Submitted by frustratedinNC on
He can't say why he loses his jobs. He doesn't really goof off, he does get some things done but mostly gets distracted and doesn't get much done. He had his own business now but can't focus to keep books or do the paperwork. If all he had to do was so the work itself, he could do it although it would take him a while to complete one job. He hasn't been diagnosed yet but has an appt coming up.
He is a nice man but is a mess. He does help with household chores but that doesn't put money in the bank. I am the breadwinner and am just tired, tired of being his"mom".
So, he has his own business
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
So, he has his own business now? What kind of business?