Submitted by Shelleyn on 01/05/2020.
Based on my ADHD husband's actions over the past couple of weeks, I really can't help but wonder if after a few more years of research they won't end up putting adult ADHD on the autism spectrum. He went off his vyvanse before Xmas which has been a godsend because it makes him so angry all the time. But although his mood has been improved he acts just like a child with autism... can't tolerate any noises.... this morning he went downstairs to use his treadmill and I started the roomba in the kitchen.... I heard a bunch of yelling so I went to check if he was ok. And he was strutting around yelling I hate the roomba. I just wanted to get that out there. It's ok if you laugh. I did. I still am. Take care everyone!
We have to ignore them or we fall right into the trap!
Submitted by c ur self on
That childish BS by an adult (our spouses) must be ignored...They love for us to check on them (give them our attention) when they are doing their childish behaviors....I use to think I wasn't being compassionate enough...But after a few years I realized it was just attention seeking, and nothing I had to say about the drama and childish behaviors was going to be accepted....It just turned up her defensiveness....So it's self inflicted suffering for the spouse when we question someone who's heart and mind is such that they will always defend the things the say or do....No matter how dysfunctional it is.....
When we refuse to give them an audience for their loud immature outbursts, it may not stop it, but, it will at least force them to realize we can't be manipulated by their childish BS....When I started ignoring mine she didn't like it...LOL...She would come find me and say...Why didn't u check on me?
I"ve learned to just expect it, and ignore it.....It's sure has kept me from being drug into her chaotic life....Plus, you can't have arguments when you refuse to be part of one....It's about wisdom....Most aren't capable of seeing, or owning their behaviors....
c
I totally agree... I have
Submitted by Shelleyn on
I totally agree... I have also been working on setting boundaries as you suggested before (small ones to start) and it's really been helping me keep my sanity. Thank you for sharing all the great advice and helpful tips. I was also able to get away for a little trip to see my family over Christmas which gave me a much needed break and helped to replenish my sense of humour LOL.
Wanting an audience
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
"When we refuse to give them an audience for their loud immature outbursts,..."
Wow - thanks for starting this thread, Shelleyn, and for the reply c. You have no idea how many times I have said to myself, "Do I really have to give everything an audience?" It is exhausting. When bored, my husband will start singing randomly (and usually intentionally terribly) at the top of his lungs. It's usually something odd that he has seen on the internet. He will keep going and going and going until my daughter or I address him in some way. He does not care if we are reading or watching a show or doing homework or are on the telephone... he just does this stuff. Rather than sing, he might also dance around or start stacking up random objects in the kitchen to get a reaction. Ignoring it, which is what I have been trying to do for several years now, often prolongs the performance or causes him to get louder or to approach us and get right in our faces. It is just really strange. I mean, I get that he's likely unconsciously trying to boost his own dopamine, but it is really intrusive, childish and irritating!
This is interesting (and
Submitted by Shelleyn on
This is interesting (and insanely irritating LOL) because in the past I didn't make the connection that these types of behavior was related to ADHD. I had always tried to pay the amount of attention he needed to him and leave him alone when he wanted to do his own thing. Things really escalated this past July when my father passed away. All of my attention was needed to help my mom and family which live 8 hours away. With me being away I had to ask some questions and request that he do some things which made him very upset. At that point I couldn't deal with that and I just totally stopped and decided he was on his own. I couldn't worry about him right then. When I got home and all the craziness of the funeral etc was over he decided to do his own thing without me for the rest of the summer days off and I stayed home and did everything around the house on my days off. Stupidly feeling that that would be appreciated - getting the whole summer to do what you like and no chores sounds good to me. Anyway. It wasn't... exactly the opposite which resulted in an explosion him insisting we go to marriage counselling (which did not help at all because adhd was not addressed). Sorry....this is getting long LOL..... what I wanted to say was..... he decided to learn to play the tin flute in the evenings.... it's very loud and doesn't sound good when you're learning. He did this for a few months and I ignored it (with great difficulty LOL). He finally moved on to something else.
Looking back.........
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
My Ex-Husband wanted an audience, also. (Perhaps he did have ADHD after all, LOL--I don't think so.)
I remember cleaning the house for an event we were hosting. It took forever to clean the house. Not because we were slobs, but because Ex-H would call me into the room he was cleaning to complain about something, or point something out. (I was responsible for 99% of household chores, whether I was working full time or a stay at home Mom.) When I was working full time, I would take a day off during the week of the event, drop our son off at childcare, then return home and clean with no interruptions. It was easier that way.
That’s bullying melody....
Submitted by c ur self on
He is going to make sure he involves you ladies, no matter your feelings about his antics....It's highly intrusive and disrespectful.... But these are the times we have to be careful...The larger problem to guard against is Act-React in these type situations...It's highly difficult to not have a negative reaction when being bullied...But after his show is over, he is still a Father and Husband, who needs his wife and daughters love and respect ( Healthy relationships)....The answer probably lies with counseling if there is an answer...He needs someone to speak into his life...And of course he has to care enough to own his unwanted behaviors toward his family...Try not to laugh at him, because many mind types can't differentiate what is and isn't acceptable when sent mixed signals....
I hope your day is blessed Melody
c
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Submitted by dedelight4 on
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Vivance
Submitted by Yinyogi on
My husband just went off the Vivance as it seemes
to make his hyper focus even worse. Took one 6-12 section of grass seed for an hour last fall. Also he is pissed off most of the time. Hyper defensive any time I say anything. I have signed us up for the couples course. He does not know it yet. It starts 2/18 with Melissa Orlov. I know this will help
Yep.....vyvanse had the exact
Submitted by Shelleyn on
Yep.....vyvanse had the exact same effect at our house.