Hello, 

I am a wife and mother of 3 boys. My husband and son were diagnosed with ADHD in the last year or so. I've always assumed they had ADHD from their hyperactive tendencies but we've been able to manage through the last 10+ years up until a year ago. It has constantly been a rollercoaster ride of emotions with my husband and I want to be cognizant of my son (because he too has ADHD) when trying to handle situations at home. We've considered ending our relationship several times because of how unhappy we've become but continued to remind of ourselves how much more we'd be hurting everyone in the process than helping. We both want things to work but obviously it's harder said than done. He refuses marriage counseling, therapy, etc. He does not like to share his personal business nor is he interested in getting advice from strangers. Although, since our challenges at home, he's gone on the internet to find answers to help him understand our relationship through videos and articles and that has seemed to help us over some of these hurdles. I've devoted my life to our relationship, our family, bettering myself for my family in education and career but even that doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like I've mentally grown up and he's still stuck in the 'I want to have fun phase.' I believe in working hard to play hard but he sees it as, "come on give me a break for once so that I don't have to work as hard to move up in life." Our parenting styles are so different, our way of living is different--we've just really grown into two different people who find different things being more important. There's obviously much more to the story but I know that ADHD has played a significant role in creating this roadblock in our marriage. I am going to think of a million different ways to getting thru to him but I too have my own breaking point. I am always the one having to take the lead and it is just exhausting. The foundation of our relationship has been built on carrying our own weight and it should be a joint venture where we help each other. We are practically 90% compatible, but majorly lacking the remaining 10%, of which is being responsible. The inconsistency in responsibilities, lack of communication, inconsideration and 0-100 mph attitude is just overall frustrating. My next attempt is to reach out to others who are in similar situations to better understand ADHD and to better understand my husband and how I can play a role in trying to improve our relationship by working with his ADHD. Or who knows... Maybe this relationship is dead in the water? What I will say is I won't give up without fighting and if ADHD is a hurdle we need to overcome in this relationship, I'm all for it. It takes two to make this work but I'm hoping others can help me shed some light into what works for them in making a marriage work with a partner who has ADHD. I do not have ADHD but we really need to find a common ground for the sake of our selves, each other and our children.