game addiction and adhd

Submitted by longwalk on 01/12/2013.

Conflicts Around Household Tasks

Hi

I am an ADHD spouse and am working through the ADHD book.

Need to vent and bring up a topic, and wonder if anyone else might be dealing with a similar issue.

My ADHD spouse has been deeply involved in a war-based role playing game on the Iphone and Ipad for the past six months.
He has had game addiction issues in the past, at a desktop computer, and stopped cold turkey a few years ago.

Now he is on the phone or Ipad inside the game world 24/7: first thing in the morning, last thing at night, in the car, during dinner, on the weekends, during the evenings when he is home. He played it when we were visiting relatives over the holidays.

We have a 7 year old child.

This is having a negative impact on our being able to do things as a family, and on household tasks and routines. It affects meal preparation, chores, bill paying, time management and communication. l I am always saying it is time to go to X (grocery store, school, work, etc; always mentioning the time and that it is time for X. I have asked politely for him to stop.

Today I found him half dressed, playing the game, and it was time to take our son to sports practice. Our son is late (again). THis was a day when I thought I could take a break from the practice, since I am usually the one to handle this.

Mornings, when it is time to get our son ready for school, spouse stays in bed playing the game

I have asked politely for my spouse to control it. I have tried to let him know that it is having a negative impact.This results in disrespectful conversations. He is disrespectful to me and tells me I am being mean, nasty, etc.

He gets angry and then verbally abusive at me if I try to bring it up. Yet this behavior is causing so much damage. He is not fully present anymore. I have woken in the middle of the night to find him playing the game. It buzzes and he picks it up.

I am in so much pain and feel so helpless. There are many other things going on. But I do wonder if this is an issue for others on this list, given the prevalence of smartphones and tablets.

This behavior would not be allowed if it came from our seven year old son, and yet his father is doing it, and treating me with contempt when I mention that it is inappropriate.

Thanks for listening

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Comments

Sometimes actions speak louder...

Submitted by clf2012 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 14:39

Do you pay the phone bill or are you the only spouse that provides income? If so is there anyway you could have his phone service turned off (or at least the internet part) without affecting yours? There are many spouses in the forums that earn all the money, pay all the bills, and have husbands with internet/tv/gaming addictions. In those cases it's easy for the spouses to have the services turned off as a last resort and can do so because they are the ones that pay the bill with their money. If this is not the situation for you, there may be other actions you can take to give him a wake-up call. I've noticed with my ADHD partner that actions always speak louder than words and they must when/if he is refusing to discuss the topic. And yes, he will probably throw a GIANT tantrum, but then the tantrum subsides and then he should be willing to take a look at just what is going on. What made him quit cold-turkey before?