My Ex partner has ADHD & RSD. We dated for over a year and a half and faced many of the challenges that ADHD can present in a relationship. I at first would be frustrated but over time and throughout our challenges would try and learn as much as I could. I've read a few books, joined a couple of forums, and really just tried to educate myself. I am someone who commits wholeheartedly and has learned how to be extremely patient and supportive. Recently my ex-partner attended an event that I had and it was an opportunity for her to meet a few of my friends and family. She had a stressful day but made it to my event and ended up leaving after 30 minutes. She didn't say anything to me - just literally disappeared. She was talking with someone and got emotional regarding her situation and shed a couple of tears. It wasn't anything that was noticed or anything to be ashamed of because everyone there emotionally is a compassionate good-hearted person. Once I noticed that she had left I called and text and her response was rather alarming. It was as if she felt like she was the victim of something. I later came to realize that it may have been her RSD. I've texted her supportive things multiple times, sent flowers, and have never heard anything from her. It's been three weeks! I recently ran into one of her friends and she said - I think she is done at your event she felt attacked and felt that I didn't defend her or apologize to her.
I wasn't aware of any feeling she may have had. I can only gather that her RSD may have kicked in but don't understand anything. I'm not upset that she left, I just wish we had a plan for the evening and talked about any social anxiety. The only thing that's hard for me to grasp is that I've consistently shown up in her life as someone who loves her and supports her. There are various items, pictures, gifts, little things in her place that are representative of the love I've given her. Does that not trigger a reminder that this person has my back. I'm also alarmed because she could very well tell her friends how she feels or perceive things and they are advising her on something that's not actually the truth.
We have been making so much progress but this has me at a complete loss. She isn't currently seeing a therapist but I know she planned to soon.
I suggest you let it go.
Submitted by c ur self on
Your thoughts, or probably right....You can't fix it, no one can....She is doing you a favor....Relationship's aren't that hard, not for minds that are capable of bonding, and doing the work...
c
Goodness me. Sending lots of
Submitted by lostcherry on
Goodness me. Sending lots of love to you. As a newbie, I've no advise. I knew my (assuming) ex had adhd and I did the reading to support the best I could. But I'm starting to learn so much more, I'm just sorry that it's shared misfortunes giving me this insight.
Hi goldenchild
Submitted by sickandtired on
Your ex reminds me of a coworker years ago who was walking into a large noisy restaurant for a staff dinner. She was fine until she came inside, and the sound of people talking and laughing among themselves seemed to trigger an RSD event, and she perceived it as if they were laughing at her. She thought she heard a familiar laugh, and assumed it was a former boss who had humiliated her in the past. Sadly, she connected all of this in her mind, ending up in tears, re-living other past painful rejection experiences. The folks themselves barely noticed her, except to see her rush out the door after only a couple minutes. Then later she told her friends about how horribly she was treated at that dinner. It was like she totally misread the room, and felt victimized by random strangers. So sad.
Thanks for sharing
Submitted by goldenchild321 on
OMG - Yes, That is exactly what happened in my situation. I reached out soo many times and finally had to just walk away. It was far from the case that anyone there would think to reject her and it hurt that she wouldn't be able to later realize that I've always been loving and supportive of her. However, I have so much grace for her because I could never imagine feeling how she does. I appreciate you sharing this story with me because although I'm a lot better. I was sooo lost in soo many ways when it first happened.