Anyone else with an ADHD spouse hate the holidays? It's all so difficult and awkward--I wish I could just leave from the day before Thanksgiving until the day after New Years. I have never bought DH a gift he actually used or liked and now AGAIN I have to think of something. Last year I bout him 4 shirts he ASKED for and never wore. I returned two of them after a while and he never noticed. Ditto a book I bought him about a show he watches. The book went in the bottom drawer of his night table and I finally returned that too. He never noticed. For Father's Day this year I got him a monthly subscription to a coffee bean delivery--2 different kinds of coffee beans each month. He ASKED for it. And as of yesterday there were--I am not lying-19 bags of coffee in the freezer. I asked him about it--turns out he doesn't like the coffee. So I canceled that too. What in the world is it with the gifts? He has this bizarre "I don't need anything, I don't deserve anything" whole persona but it is really out of hand and impossible to deal with.
Advice? thoughts? anyone else have an ADHD spouse who makes the holidays less than joyful??
Its funny - I ALWAYS look
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
Its funny - I ALWAYS look forward to the holidays, even though I know that he will never like/use anything I get him - even when he asks for it - just like your situation. He asked for specific jeans a few years back - and we bought them (not cheap) for his birthday. Never even took the tags off. I cannot even being to count how many small things I got him that ended up in the trash because they were never used/eaten/opened etc. Hell - the one time I ever gave him pictures of me (right at the beginning of our relationship) I came up the next week and they were on the floor, knocked over where I put them with shoe prings all over them. Never gave him another picture of me, and he never asked for one or noticed that he HAS none.
Now - if HE is in the picture, he likes it. He likes our wedding picture, and I made him a copy to have at his desk at his old job. But I am pretty sure that is the ONLY picture he has of me at all. He used to have one of us on his profile/cover page on facebook - but he took those down on my late husbands birthday (just in case I didnt get the message that he has no compassion or respect for me). It was literally the ONLY place he had a picture of me. None on his phone, none in his wallet, none at his job, and the only pictures of me are ones that we are both tagged in on FB - and it seems that a few of those he took off his tag long ago.
I have mostly gotten over it, and dont really try too much anymore. And even still - I cant help but get him little things I think he will like.... and I am ALWAYS wrong. He likes it for the moment, then its put aside. Books, Clothes, everything. I try not to take it too personal anymore. Sad right? I love giving - its one of the best things in my life, and while I know he doesnt care for anything I give to him (or anyone else it seems honestly) I still cant seem to get rid of the compulsion to give to him. I think its the nature of loving someone, wanting to bring them some joy with a small token or gift. Even though its a slap in the face every time, I keep thinking - maybe THIS time it will make him happy.
Wanna know something sad? We do a medieval reenactment hobby. a few years back I had long dark hair, past my butt. I cut him a lock of my hair and braided it and sent it to him as a gift. The "ultimate" token of love from a woman in ancient times. I found it later in the bottom of his armor bag getting all torn up and dirty and gross. It really hurt my feelings, and when I asked him about it - he said he was taking care of it. I probably should have learned then. And yet - still I find myself thinking of ways to show him love since I am not allowed to touch him in any way (unless he initiates it - so no hugs, no holding hands NOTHING).
dvance, holidays
Submitted by dedelight4 on
My husband got better with the holidays because of our granddaughter. She became his focal point, and it became enjoyable with that, but also sad, because he never enjoyed OUR girls or US the way he enjoys her. He also always told me "I don't need ANYTHING", but then would get an attitude and grouchy if he didn't get something he liked. But, he was SO HARD to buy for. He wasn't passionate about anything except computers, and he would buy HIMSELF that. He also would NEVER, EVER surprise me with something. He'd ask me what I wanted,and get THAT. (perfume and jewelry) but, he never would get me the jewelry, so I got perfume. It was sort of sad that he never FELT THE JOY of surprising someone with a gift you shop for, and are THINKING about the other person and how surprised they will be when you give them something "unexpected".
And, yes, I KNOW. it's NOT about the gifts. But, in 30 plus years, being surprised with something would have been AWESOME.
Hi dvance....
Submitted by c ur self on
It's love hate for me....Love the meaning of Christmas...Love the closeness the time w/ family and friends...Love the fresh smells of cedar and pine and all the good food (esp. the desserts:)...
Hate the commercialism; expectations seem to be at an all time high in my experience...,Of course we can put undue pressure on ourselves to conform to others expectations also....
If I had my way about it every other year or so we would visit the children w/ gifts and food the week prior...And then take off to the Rocky Mountains and do about 4 or 5 days of hiking, hand holding, good eating and a lot of fire side Love making...
I've just never had a wife who wasn't caught up in commercialism and all the expectations that come with it...It's sad to see people who have no Freedom of Spirit...Any time we allow worldly expectations, expectations placed by other humans, or religious rules ( religion and a personal relationship with the Christ have nothing in common) to dictate our actions out of fear, guilt, or misguided obligation, we are doomed to a life of misery!
Be Free!
C
I used to love the holidays......
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
this time of year used to be my favorite. My whole family is "into" the holidays.
then I got married 35 years ago.
The first few Christmases I did all the decorating all by myself, including putting up house lights. H never did anything or cared.
Of course, when we had kids, I continued to do the work, but soon it became just drudgery because H didn't participate or help out. Soon I began dreading the "take down" aspect after the holidays, because the entire burden fell to me...alone.
For the past couple of years, I've done little or nothing. Tiny trees with a few decorations. No home decor. No house lights. H really doesn't care or notice.
Oh, except ONE thing. He noticed that I stopped sending Christmas Cards. Again...all the burden was on me. He never did any of it. I finally quit. At first, he yelled at me. Then he seemed to have forgotten about them and never mentioned them again.
He never buys presents for me ahead of time. Usually he's angry at me so he says that's my punishment. He LOVES to receive gifts but often doesn't use them so I return them...and he doesn't notice.
Same exact thing for me
Submitted by adhd32 on
In the beginning my H claimed he didn't like Christmas because his family had fish for the Eve and he doesn't like it and no one thought of him until the last minute and he ended up with cold food! Boo hoo. Obviously this is not the real reason which remains that he is not the center of attention during the season. Like you I too did all and have resented it for 30+ years. I always felt the kids deserved good memories and did it for them and myself while H sulked and complained. The cards were also an issue and I slashed that chore years ago. I handed him the address book when he complained and told him go buy cards and stamps. Guess what? Surprise! He never bothered!! My expectations are not his so I do what I want and let him be miserable. I buy what I want and am happy instead of disappointed every year. The days of wishing and hoping are over I am in charge of myself.
I don't hate holidays. But I
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
PoisenIvy? Self Esteem How Do You Get That?
Submitted by kellyj on
I use to suffer a lot from self esteem issues and insecurity and I caught something that you said that I remember myself? You said you went and volunteered some of your time for a few hour and then spent the rest of the say alone? Can I ask? Did volunteering make you feel better about yourself ( more self confidence and better self esteem ) or did you just do that in order to prove your value to others? Meaning? Were you trying to get others to validate you or to prove your self worth by getting it that way....by giving? Nothing wrong with that but did that give you more self esteem..or did it just validate you? If you are looking to others to validate you.....that is just part of low self esteem which is just part of that feeling? But if you need to be validated ( by someone else ) in order to have self esteem...isn't that just needed to be held in "the esteem of others" and needing them to validate that for you.....their "esteem of you"or how they hold you in their eyes, and how they VALUE YOU? Not...how you value yourself?
The reason I said this is because I did the same thing and that didn't seem to help and I still suffered from the same problem as before and I just returned right back to where I was before after the fact? Volunteering my time "FOR OTHERS"......"giving".....to others......in that respect....doesn't give you anything? It only takes what you have...and giving it away to others which is a noble thing and it does make you feel good in the moment. But when that moment is gone.....do you feel.....more self esteem...or less...and even lonelier than before?
I your cup is empty or very little in it.....giving all that's left leaves in that respect...with nothing doesn't it? Filling your cup up...and giving to yourself..is the way to fill a cup that is empty and once it's full and over flowing....then you can give the excess to others in that...you have more than you need not less...as far as esteem goes...whether's is yours...or someone else's of you?
The only way to have self esteem is to Love yourself first...and then other people once you cup is full and overflowing but until then...volunteering what little you have left to others is giving away...what you can't really afford to give if that's the case? You have to give to yourself and others, in order to have a good balance there and you won't get that sitting alone at home unless you're doing things that fill you up and give to yourself? There is only one way person who can give you SELF esteem...and that's you....Your SELF. No one can give that to you no matter how much you give to them? That's unfortunately....not how it works I'm afraid?
Getting good at making Lemonade out of Lemons...is a good approach I think? And what is up with that name "Poison Ivy"? Is that how you see yourself? If it is....then that's half the problem right there?
Here's the first thing I thought of when I read your handle? Poison Ivy? I know another Poison Ivy out there who in my opinion...might be the Greatest Rock and Roll Female Guitar Player of all time!!! But that's just my opinion since I've seen her so many times and she never disappointed to put on a great performance. It's just ironic...that the first person I thought of with that name....would be the last person I would associate with low self esteem? Same name...different issue I guess but it's all in how you look at it I think?
Poisent Ivy...Greatest Female Rock Guitar Player of all time? ( if you like Rock a Billy that is. Might not be for everyone...but none the less lol ) https://youtu.be/f45-9eVReXI
J
I used to be Rosered here. I
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I used to be Rosered here. I changed my name to reflect my feelings about myself. I dislike myself. I'm not looking for sympathy on this; I know that my self-hate is my problem, no one else's. But it's a reality. And what follows from it is that I don't want to impose myself on other people when I can barely stand to be with myself.
So the thing with holidays is that they contribute to the cycle of self-loathing: It's a holiday and i will be alone. I could be with other people but I don't want to be because I will feel guilty for requiring them to put up with me. Being a person who feels this way is weird. Now I also don't like myself because I'm weird. Because I don't like myself, I will stay home alone. And on it goes. I don't see a way out of the cycle.
Rose.....
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Living with someone for so long......can erode our self esteem. THAT IS A FACT. While we do have "things" about us that can improve and even change...these would have happened anyway with or without a spouse. If I believed what my H has said/demonstrated about me......I would not think I am a "good" person. Too many years of that could take its toll. Seeing your value through one single set of eyes narrows our selves. Love widens our eyes to life and all it encompasses and it has its best to offer when we truly"love ourselves" first.....in order to give it away. My H's view of me(presently) is not accurate.....I will not define who I am by what he says/ shows. I was somebody before I met him.....I ALLOWED myself to be side tracked (not his fault). No matter the outcome of our relationship.....this "lady" has a lot to do and offer. Please give yourself this time to "meet" who you are....the air of negativity is so pervasive....almost osmosis....yikes! You were here a long time and many of us found so much value to your thoughts and words. We haven't even met and I sense a "woman" of amazing character. You fought for your marriage...hard. Please, fight for YOU :) I am 61.......My body is a "bit" less than it use to be......BUT, there is nothing wrong with my "spirit ". I have determined to go with my "mind ". Maybe the body won't be able, but it beats anyone TELLING me I can't do something.....oh my I sound like a petulant spoiled child !.......hmmm P.S. I LOVE your old tag name!!!!
I hear you PoisonIvy. My questions WHAT?
Submitted by jennalemone on
I am inclined to be like you are. Thoughtful and sensitive. At this point in life, being that way, in my circumstance, I am inclined to feel the same as you. Bereft, disilusioned and a bit lonely. I lived my life with purpose and WORKED to fill in my hours, days, years. WORK to make things work was what I did. WORK to make a living, to have a clean home with good food, to gather with friends. Now I am tired, kids are living their own lives, WORK is slowing down and my great disappointment is that I feel so alone and I feel like a fool for giving so much to someone who was oblivious on all that I did.....that he sort of hates me for ..... I don't know why he hates me...I think he makes things up in his mind to hold on to so that he is not to blame himself.
I know you feel alone too. Why is it that we NEED something? What is it that we NEED from others? These are good questions to ponder, especially now during the holiday season when we will be reading on social media all the beautiful things families are doing to clelebrate each other. At this age, I have to constantly make work of catching negative thoughts. I have to "let go" of some of the things I used to do, things I used to love to do, activities that I enjoyed that I can't or don't want to do now. I have to realize that my time was then. THIS is a new time. So, now that things don't enthuse me like they did at one time, how do I find things that DO make my heart swoon like it once did? I am working on finding things that make me smile and making work of putting myself in those situations where those things and those people ARE. It takes gumption that I don't always have anymore but I must make myself not only appear in those NEW places but actually work to find the things that ARE enjoyable to me.
This weekend I drove to my favorite city and felt the joy of just driving through, looking at things that reminded me of when I lived there in my adult youth. I remembered events and people who are not in my life anymore. I must do this without sadness but with gratitude.... When I see young people in love or enjoying activities, I must remember and FEEL how I did those things too...I GOT to be what they are now at one time. Why am I so angry?
But still, what do we do at this age when our bodies are holding us back but our hearts still want to be filled?
I no longer enjoy things I LOVED so much: sewing, dancing, ball games, fashion, singing, producing art, competing, flirting, learning in classes and many more things I once had a passion for. I CAN enjoy good food, good wine and beer, getting together with good friends for coffee, driving the car, the dog, playing in a bell choir, working at my graphic design business, granddaughters happiness.
But there is a neediness that I can't put my finger on with me. Is it spiritual? intimacy? fear of "not enough finances"? Or is it that my body does not feel well like when I was young...so that no matter where I am or who I am with, I would no be able to feel good? Maybe a little of all. It is an age where some of us must WORK at being OK, giving ourselves those things that we feel we NEED. Giving ourselves what we think we are missing to the best of our abilities. Some of us feel betrayed by the way we were brought up to serve and to not give to ourselves (as though that would be selfish) but I can tell you from experience, that a lifetime of GIVING without receiving for a lifetime, is not good. The feelings do not FEEL GOOD. We now have to give ourselves permission and encouragement to accept that being "of service" for a lifetime gives us now a ticket to BE of service to our bodies and our hearts. We don't have to care about what "other people" think about us or what we do. The harder part is WHAT? WHAT do we want that has us so angry and self pitying? We can no longer point to our spouse (although it does seem to have some bearing on this forum) but WHAT would make us be proud of ourselves? WHAT would make us feel content and enthused mentally, spiritually, physically, and in our hearts?
I had and do think that living on my own without H would give me some peace and purpose and new life.....but you are in the position and it seems that it is not a panacea for everyone. It seems that many on the forum have found freedom and new life and satisfaction by leaving a difficult situation. Rosered, can you envision yourself somewhere doing something that would make you smile with delight? Can you make that happen? What would that be.
I will ask all, what vision can you make for yourself that would curl up the sides of you smile with delight?
Enough of me and my pathetic
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Enough of me and my pathetic self-loathing issues. Here's another reason I don't like holidays on ex-h's side of the family. I really believe in love and fellowship and conversation and all that mushy stuff and holiday gatherings with my family are filled with these. In ex-h's family, holiday gatherings centered on bowing down to my ex-father-in-law and staying out of the way when, in the old days, he and my ex-mother-in-law would regularly argue. During meals, everyone would eat a lot and not talk (probably to avoid getting shot down by FIL).
Believe
Submitted by jennalemone on
I really believe in love and fellowship and conversation and all that mushy stuff and holiday gatherings
I do too.
Hating the current/upcoming holidays...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Because I work at a major retail store, NOT because of anything to do with my boyfriend who happens to have ADHD.
In fact, he makes the holidays better. Last year in December, he teared up, saying that he is so much happier because he has me.
I'm glad your boyfriend makes
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm glad your boyfriend makes your holidays better!
BINGO!! Retail at X-Mas!!!!
Submitted by kellyj on
I was about to come in to this topic and say.....it's not X-Mas I hated.....it's retail @ X-Mas. How can I say this any simpler. Life sucked between Thanksgiving and X-Mas and right up until New Years day for me, including New Years day until 5:00pm and I worked every Christmas eve for almost 35 years straight. I remember every New Years...and everyone who is rested and up for the evening....and I would get off at 5:00pm and go " Woo Hoo....lets party!!!" No I didn't. All I wanted to do was go home and get into bed and sleep after over a month of working 10 -12 hour shifts without a day off except for X-mas day ( the 1 day off I got in what? 37 days straight of that? People would invite me to go X-mas parties and gatherings and sometimes I would go...but it was NOT fun....when everyone else is off work ( some like in my family where the entire workplace took 2 weeks off ....longer than their own children at the time ...paid of course ) and I remember once just finding an empty bed room ( full of guests coats ) and just plopped down on top of them and passed out...right during the party. People use to come and pull me by my arm and say "c'mon...don't be such a party pooper..get into the spirit and enjoy the season" Yeah right? You work that many days and hours straight and then come talk to me about it? I'd like to see YOU...do that and still not be a "party pooper"....which is exactly what everyone would say. When you are spent....both emotionally and physically and completely exhausted....being "lively" and "cheery" is a difficult thing to muster?
And right to the point here...in everything everyone is saying in their own words but saying the same thing? Let me ask again...in question form to separate this all out again?
Is it Christmas or Holidays you hate? Or is it something else? I really don't hate Christmas and never did in fact...I really Loved it for the most part...until I started working retail hours. But it wasn't just the retail hours, the working non stop, and no days off that really killed me? In the line of work I did ( as a custom jewelry maker )....there is only ONE day a year....where everyone needs to have their job done all at the same time ( since marriages, anniversaries, birthdays or any other special day you can think of where gift giving is the expectation )....now take all those hours and no time off...and include...having to work at twice the speed you normally do....just to meet that one deadline....that everyone has all at the same time? Accountants, Postal workers...and custom design jewelry makers ( goldsmiths, platinumsmiths and silversmiths ie: bench jewelers as called specifically ) all know what I am talking about? You not only have to do the job you normally do like the rest of the year.....you have to work all those hours without a day off and burn the candle at both ends by increasing your production rate by double the normal time and it is do...or die....there is no...calling the customer and getting more time?
And that...nearly killed me every year and why I hated my life, hated Christmas.....resented other people who didn't have to live that life...and envied them at the same time which only put me a foul mood and I was pretty negative and like the "Grinch"....during the entire season? After a while.....I just told everyone not to count on me for anything....because I was effectively....off the grid, out of synch with everyone else ( it seemed ) and I would have Thankfully....given up the over time pay because no amount of money could compensate for the effect that had on me? No way!!! I would have gladly...given all that money back just to have a normal schedule and a normal life again....and just go back to doing my job like the rest of the year...and not have to go through that again? I took the phone off the hook....turned off my answering machine..and "checked out"...for 37 days straight...and was lucky to eat my TV dinner or fast food...before passing out sitting upright in my chair...and sometimes I actually did that instead of eating? It was horrible!!!! LOL And....I HATED MY LIFE....for the entire time while everyone else was full of "Holiday Cheer"! "C'mon...don't be such a party pooper!!! " errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! LOL
What I felt more like...... at the time? ( and especially when people are "pushing you" like that....... was getting a high powered hunting rifle..and climbing the tallest clock tower in the area...and start sniping people ...picking off potential "jewelry shoppers" one at a time!!! LOL And then turning the gun on myself when all was said and done. I aM being factitious here...but I am doing that to make and extremely relevant point!! Extremely relevant to this entire thread. And not only to this thread....but right to the very reason "I feel".....that people get into this kind of "funk".....but with the boiling frog effect ( unlike me at X-mas time) which was "clear cut"...specific..and had a specific time frame that you could always count on ( beginning and ending )....as the reasons why?
And it would take me until Valentines day literally ( my marker or "blaze" on the life trail ) to actually fully recover? The month of January was shot...as well as into February...just to get back to where I was...on Thanksgiving day? I remember one year ...( the year from Hell? )...it actually stated earlier and we ( in the shop where I worked )....started that schedule right after Halloween...working 6 days a week up until Thanksgiving...and then it was 7 days a week until Christmas with no days off until New Years eve? And being a "Party Pooper"...as said...had absolutely nothing to do with it which use to make me so angry when people could not understand that ( specifically my own family ) ...it's when "visions of hunting rifles" were dancing in my head 24hrs a day instead? ( factiosiously said again to emphasize the point? )
But I also wanted to point something out here....in the big picture which is not only similar...in my mind...it's exactly the same thing? Human beings under the same set of circumstances...will act and respond to this kind of overwhelmed without a break...in exactly the same way when you put this into context of your relationship...and even in terms of someone who has ADHD? But in respect to this contrived or artificially ( nightmare called "The Christmas or Holiday Season )...this is your life and there is no ending ( starting stopping point ) that you can count on or foresee in the future? Once you get to "burn out" the same as I did every year...it not only take you "longer" to recover from it than how you got there......it takes a toll on you emotionally...and that you never really recover from? Well...you can...but that's a different topic?
And if you want to pull this all together here and standing back here and seeing this looking at it from the outside...instead of on the 'inside of it".....you can easily imagine what that might have been like for me..and why I felt that way? But like Melissa has mentioned a few times here before....."people who come here...are usually in a state of "crisis"...and are at a place where you just can't "take it any longer"...which is precisely the point?
What is it...that you really Hate....after all? Is it the person you are with ( or with me and Christmas )...or is it the life you have to live non stop...without a break? It's easy for me to put that into perspective..and crack jokes about climbing a clock tower with a high powered hunting rifle...but.....in the same way of saying this...if you Hate your life and everything in it....that will include others...who are merely "innocent by standers"...so to speak? But now...those "innocent by standers"...who just got "shot"...by a Hateful angry person...who is taking their frustrations and anger out on them.....now....they just "took"....a piece of the "abuser" along with them...and their life now....is potentially ruined and now they are this "person" themselves...the one up on top of the clock tower....who's basically ...."kicking the dog" and taking it out on someone else...who is not their fault or has no part in why...that person is so angry?
And this is where this all comes together at once...in exactly the same way? And this is where I can honestly say ( for myself here in my own language..as If I was speaking to myself I the same way?
"Been there....done that. Get your shit together boy...and get with the program!!!" Not just at Christmas time....but in terms of my life before I got diagnosed with ADHD...and was still a victim to it which is WHY.....which is WHY........which is WHY..........if that's the case...and "Life circumstance" are getting you down ( not the person you are with...even if THEY are the person up in the clock tower with a hunting rifle and taking it out on you....it is your personal reasonability....to get...."YOUR" shit together ( boy / girl ) and do something about it? Only you can fix that if that's the problem...and you can't use the sniper in the clock tower ( figuratively speaking ) for being the one who did that to you...even if they just shot your leg off..or put you in a wheel chair for life?
And unlike me in the work I did...in the scenario I just gave.....no one else...put you here...or did that to you...and PUT YOU in this place exactly...and have more control and choice than I did ...because I had a boss who made me do it...and I would get fired if I didn't? I couldn't refuse...or I would get fired but.....I came to terms with this years ago...and made a choice there too? I decided that this was the job I Loved to do...and if that was the case.....I had to deal with what ever it was involved....or quit and do something else? I chose to stay...and then I chose to deal with it which I eventually put of those boundaries in place ( took the phone off the hook..and didn't commit to any parties or things of that nature ) and even if people called me a Party Pooper.....even that I dealt with and didn't let it effect me? But in respect to me.....I'm my own boss...and I don't need anyone else's permission. And in the same way...."screw 'em if they don't like it"....and calling me a Party Pooper but I don't have to take that out on everyone else...because my choice to work that job...was my choice after all? The same as when I chose to "marry" any of the ladies I did in the past...and that was my choice as well? No one had me chained and shackled to the wall in my own basement....I could have left....any time I felt like it? Like....right this very minute if I wanted to and I can;t use any excuse what so ever...in blaming anyone else for the choice that I made? That includes.....marrying someone who ends up treating me in a way...I don;t want to be treated whether it's a man...or a woman....but no one said that it would be easy? No one promised you a rose garden and if they did....then they lied!! LOL And in my case....I was too dumb to realize it until after the fact. Being proactive in respect to being a victim....is not being a victim....even if life circumstances get in the way of that sometimes? Shit happens....as they say? ( and hesitation and indecision...kills)
And when I did that...and I took those measures instead...the recovery time was cut in half...and I was able to recover in more like two weeks...instead of a month a half....by simply changing my attitude...and the relationship I had with that ( after the first 10 years of what I called Hell ) and Hated my life and everything in it during that time.....and then went back to being myself again....but saying...I learned to be myself anyway....not Hate my life and everyone in it...and still did the exact same thing each year...which only wore me out physically....but not mentally after that?
All I can say to any of this as the answer here? Get your shit together boy / girl...and do something about it. What I did....and what I had done on countless other occasions? The same thing as I learned to do in swimming (Like Jason Lezak in that impossible moment in the Olympics )....you dig down deep..and come up big time ( you reach down and flip that switch ) go go from negative...to positive....all at once......which gives you the ability to do this and continue on anyway with a completely different outlook and how you see things than you did before?
That's the answer right there? You've got to dig down ( an reach in there and find it ) since...it just doesn't happen all by itself? It's a manual over ride switch in that case...and you got to manually do it...or it will never get flipped? Going right back to the concept of what goes around comes around....until you decide the Buck stop here? That's a choice...and that switch is not automatic....you've got to get your shit together....and reach down and grab it?
"Digging down deep"...and ....."going through the wall "...was the thing my swimming coach taught me how to do so long long ago ( at age 6 as the starting place in that lesson ) ....along with changing your relationship with pain....and becoming intimate with it.....and then becoming one with your enemy? In this case.....you. You're your own worst enemy in that case.....but first you have to be able to see this and recognize that the frog just got boiled and your the frog.....not the person in the clock tower doing it to you?
So back to the question here? Is it the Holidays that you hate...or is it....something else instead? Only you know the answer to that one...and that is FOR SURE !!! LOL
J
PS What my T has always said and keeps saying to me in so many words. A victim...is a person, who refuses to take personal responsibility for themselves and their actions? And in my own words ( yes...these are my words not my T's ) When you're a victim...someone or something...is always doing something ....too you :)
Holidays
Submitted by tiredofbeinghis... on
Holidays have always been a challenge. My husband wasn't interested in decorating or celebrating. He hates being surprised and wants to pick out his own gift and be reimbursed. He would prefer that I buy myself something and he reimburse me too. I am spending this Christmas alone at our vacation home and it is the first time in more than 30 years that I am not totally stressed out over the holidays. I wasn't going to be able to see my kids or grandkids anyway so it would have been just the two of us. Last year, I cooked alone while he sat in the basement watching reruns on TV all day. He came up to get his dinner and took it back downstairs so I ate alone. This year I will eat alone again but it will be my choice, not his.