Submitted by Amazon35 on 12/31/2014.
Good afternoon,
As I've been trolling through this site, I'm having a hard time finding a non- ADHD partner saying that they are happy, fullfilled or not alone in their relationships with an ADHD partner, after treatment. I've been with my partner for almost 5 yrs and just finally understood or partially understand what's going on this week!!. I don't think he even has any idea how long and how much ADHD has run his life. I'm looking for some hope that we can get through this as a happy satisfied couple and to be honest I'm not really seeing it here. Please someone give me some hope!! Or do I need a reality check???
Happy?
Submitted by c ur self on
You want happy? Get a puppy;)...Just kidding...
Here's my suggestion:... Do your part, focus on what God has called you to be in the relationship, and seek to be that...He will have to do the same, fast mind or not...ADD is no excuse for poor behavior....But, it will ruin your relationship, if it's used as an excuse for poor behavior by either of you....
When love is the overwhelming theme in the relationship...It can stand a lot....
Blessings!
there is no happy
Submitted by dvance on
Yeah, there is no happy. There might be calm, there might be content, there might be satisfied, but there is no happy. I am 20 years in and I wish to god someone had taken me by the shoulders and tried to explain what it would be like. Now, understand that all 20 years have not been pure misery, that's not what I am saying, but by and large it's been tense or me cleaning up messes (literal messes of half done projects OR figurative messes, mostly financial). We are not partners, we are not on the same side, we do not have each other's back, we are not a team, pick a cliche. There is the ADHD DH thinking all is well and there is me sometimes content but a lot of the time wondering just what I got myself into and how soon I can get myself out. If you have read my other posts, you know that my DH is the most charming person you would ever meet--handsome, funny, good conversationalist, just not an adult partner. In 20 years there have been four different counselors and three types of meds. They help to some degree but I just cannot shake the feeling that ADHD just is not conducive to being a life partner to another adult. Even medicated. Even if the person is trying really hard. The way an ADHD brain works is just not very "partner-ish". I see how friend's marriages are and I am continually shocked by how "off" mine is. What's hardest for me, what really stands in the way of happy, is the inconsistency. For several weeks DH will be pretty good-doing what he says he will do, helpful, "present", and then for no reason I can discern, it goes away. He would argue this point, but to me it seems like his needs always come first. Yes, he works hard and he is a good dad, but by and large he does what makes him feel good in any given moment. When he is doing stuff for us, it's more to satisfy himself--I'm not explaining it right-it's more like he is aware of what a good partner ought to do so he will do it so he can say he is a good partner in an argument. And he has told me on many occasions that 1) he is a grown up and he can do whatever he pleases and 2) he has to take care of himself first and if that hurts my feelings then too bad. While you could argue that both of these things are in fact true they are not terribly conducive to a happy relationship.
So back to your original question--is it possible to find happiness? Not in my house. This website would sure lead you to believe it's not possible at all. I have been called bitter but what if it's just realistic? What if it's finally accepting what actual IS instead of what I wish there was. I have four more years and then I can leave. Sooner if I get a better paying job that can provide more financial support. That's what keeps me going--the idea that this is not all there is for me, that I could actually find a partner who is an adult. I will never ever ever get married again, but I would like a real partner.
2 things happened last night
Submitted by Amazon35 on
There is no happy
Submitted by ElleHope on
I am totally on the same wave length as you and really experience the same.
They're not here
Submitted by sunlight on
The happy people aren't here, except for the occasional drop-in (like me). I found the site while learning about ADHD. I'm non-ADHD female, married to male ADHD. There is a negative tone to the forums, and it isn't a place I would recommend to someone with ADHD. There are probably over 6 million people with ADHD in the US and probably a similar proportion of the population elsewhere. Say 1/2 those are in relationships. 3 million people don't post here. So this forum may not be representative of the population at large.
The reality of dealing with Chaos..
Submitted by c ur self on
Chaos...complete disorder and confusion.
The reason the "happy people" aren't here is because of all the negative emotions that flood their lives on a daily bases...It may not be "Happy" but it real....So this isn't such a bad place to start looking for answers...If nothing else you may get healing by this reality..."Oh my Gosh is this what I sound like? :)
To Sunlight...
Submitted by Vivien on
Sunlight, you probably have a great point that this place is visited most often by the most miserable. Can you point me in the direction of books or other sites that explain a bit about the possibility of happiness in an ADD marriage? I am desperate to find proof that all is not lost. I would love to learn more about what I can do as the Non-ADD spouse to increase our chances of success.
Great Point
Submitted by bobbybigdrum on
Pity Party for ADHD wives...contin.
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Hi, bobbybigdrum, I think it's a little harsh to call this forum a pity party for the wives of ADHD men. There are many of us who have stayed in our marriages 10-20-30 plus years, trying everything we could THINK of to get along with our ADHD husbands. The roughest part for many of us was that the ADHD was not diagnosed until many years later, so we had NO CLUE what we were dealing with.
Most of us women here are pretty easy going women, but we have been exhausted mentally, physically and mentally and even spiritually from the challenges of an ADHD partner who is not getting treatment and who will not in any way, even TRY to compromise in ANY given situation. We have ALL done the patient, nice, be careful what we say, walk on eggshells, try to be encouraging, read books, go to counseling, until we are WORN OUT. And when we get NO LOVE OR SUPPORT from our ADHD husbands, not even getting a single compliment, or a single "Hey how's your day?"........ how the HECK are we supposed to maintain any sense of balance in our lives. You can't do a marriage BY YOURSELF. it's impossible. We didn't marry to be in an exclusive relationship by ourselves, but that's what they all turned out to be.
The sex dries up, the ADHD spouses BLAME all their behaviors on US, and you think we are having pity parties? Please don't think that. You said you don't know what it's like NOT to have ADHD. I understand that. Please, understand that you REALLY don't know what it's like to NOT be loved by your partner who says they love you, then ignore you from the day you say "I DO". My husband JUST NOW started acting different and started taking responsibility for his ADHD, after 31 years of basically ignoring me. I couldn't go on any longer, I was loved starved TO DEATH, regardless of how much love or attention or affection I gave him. And it WASN'T that way BEFORE we got married. Only when I told him I was done and had to leave, because I didn't like what the untreated ADHD did to ME. The lack of attention and love and support changed me into a person I didn't even recognize any more. Are we supposed to live this way forever, just to appease the ego of someone who won't get treatment?
sorry for the rant...in addition
Submitted by dedelight4 on
BobbyBigDrum. I apologize for the rant. I know you are ADHD. I'm still learning to not "react" when ADHD shows up. This has been THE ONLY forum and place I can voice my words and opinions. I don't say them to my husband. He has NEVER understood when I tried to talk to him about saying things that are "hurtful". I have NEVER yelled at him for what he hasn't been able to understand. But, it did affect me terribly. It is important that folks WITH ADHD get to post here, and I welcome it when you do.
We need the back and forth dialogue between ADHD folks and non's. It's a way to get to better understand this disorder. Thank you for posting,....really.
I could have chosen my words
Submitted by bobbybigdrum on
A long road
Submitted by Amazon35 on
Bobbybigdrum - I appreciate your response! It's funny because I finally finished the book and I was trying the learning conversation last night with hubby and it fuckin worked!!!! In the mist of the conversation he said almost exactly what you said at the bottom of your last response "Confusion with flashes of brilliance, on an inconsistent basis". I initially thought he was full of shit, but as he continued to monolog me I thought maybe it is true. And then boom here is your statement. So Bobby thanks. I am hoping that we have the diligence to work through this and find a way to be happy.
Thanks again Bobbybigdrum
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Thanks again for this new post. It sheds more insight on ADHD marriages. I'm sorry your wife is blaming you for your condition. That can't be easy at ALL, and must hurt. I'm so glad you are posting here, because we DO need to hear from folks struggling with this condition, and how it affects them, and how WE can help and/or do things in better ways to no "react" or be hurtful back. THANKS SO MUCH.
Definitely not a Pity Party
Submitted by KrazyKrysi on
I am a 35 year old woman married to a 40 year old ADHD man who is in partial ADHD denial. We have been married for 7 years, together for almost 10. All I really have to say is that this forum is NOT a pity party. It is probably the only thing that's given me any sense of peace. To know that I am not walking down this road alone; that there are thousands of women out there like me, going through the same things that I am going through. I love my husband, but I am not in love with him any more. I don't want to leave him, because I still get that spark from him, when I know he is not in a bad mood. If not for the women in this forum, I don't know what I would have done. Please know that you are on the outside looking in at a world that you can not understand. We are not man-bashing. We are expressing ourselves to a group of people who are in similar situations. Sometimes, we just need empathy, which is something that very few of us are getting from our ADHD spouses. If you take anything away from this forum, take this away...try to empathize with the person who is picking up your slack. This isn't about you, it's about her and how she is doing what everything she can to cope with your disease and the burden you have placed on her. Because make no mistake about it, living with an ADHD partner, especially one who isn't trying to help himself, is a burden.
Some of us are here
Submitted by Bou (not verified) on
Regarding the remark made in a post some months ago in this thread that happy people are not here on the site.
I'm here, and I don't classify myself as an unhappy partner. I'm here to learn, not here to vent, although just give me the combo of a really bad day at home and being at a complete loss what to do, and stand back : ) Other than that, to learn.
I'm the one without ADHD. Sometimes the accumulation of descriptions of pain on this site bring down my mood, and help me to wonder how bad its going to get... but this is a help site. I think it's a misread to expect a site designed and announced to be a place for people to bring their burdens to be anything else than that.
I've been somewhat taken aback that the areas designed for people to tell stories of hope, joy and success are not being used for that, but once again, overall this is a site that invites people to bring their struggles to, and they're doing that in those site areas as well.
And maybe partners of people with ADHD have been conditioned by their situation to shut certain kinds of expression down. Just maybe. It's a possibility.
I'd say there's material for me getting conditioned to do a taper down and avoidance of expression in my situation. The following is description, not beefing: My partner rarely verbalizes appreciation of my success at anything, thanks less than other people in my life do, rarely expresses appreciation for what I do. He very rarely says he likes anything that I do, rarely says that he likes how I look. He doesn't volunteer many observations at all, except about what he's directly engaged with at the time. Forget apologies, or expressions of feeling, in words, except when he is frustrated or pissed, and, due to his struggles that I don't have to struggle, his frustration is constant. He does frequently verbalize irritation and frustration. Yet he has quite an emotional landscape, and I often can pick up that when his attention is not fully plugged into whatever it is plugged into, he does notice shifts in things around him. It's just that he verbalizes so very little about it if it doesn't directly have to do with him. It's just that a lot of his thoughts, feelings and noticings are unvoiced. I nearly only hear the anger and frustration voiced.
I have to see the other stuff in his actions. Ha, and sometimes, it is like an elephant pregnancy, it takes him days, weeks later to do something that I know for certain is a reaction to something that I did for him. Sometimes it's a very, very long wait before he says anything about his own take on a quandary he's in. Add to that, that pretty frequently he thinks he's told me something but didn't.
Now the sum of all that is a pretty big absence of feedback on anything positive that I say or do, and a pretty big absence of communication of his thoughts and feelings ...except that frustration and irritation, he vents that often. Look, I know (I'm living with it) that there are struggles that he has that I don't and anybody having to go through them would have plenty in the day that was frustrating, plenty.
But that wall of only stress and negativity talk could sure condition me to stop saying and doing positive things. If all I get for work for us or for him is that grey wall of his irritated or frustrated talk, that's no encouragement. Some days what I do that is well intentioned does feel like flinging goodwill into a complete vacuum, shooting it into outer space and bye by, did it do any good for him at ALL? Yes, it would be EASY to get conditioned not to try the positive or say the positive, myself. His non frustration, non anger thoughts and feelings sometimes only peek out around the edges. I can guarantee that he's got a lot more in there than being pissed and self-centered, though. I can guarantee that
Maybe, just maybe, in the face of daily things going chaotic and crabbiness by the ADHD person, the partner of someone with ADHD is being conditioned to ratchet down her or his own expressions of just about anything, as part of a campaign to find something, anything, to increase the peace or quiet in the house. Or if expressions of joy, contentment, need, or one's own trouble get no response...blanking, a non ADHD spouse on another site called it, and one's ADHD partner goes right back to his/her own concerns, why would the person blanked, want to keep trying to express joy or need?
You can subsstitute the terms ADHD for non ADHD; and non-ADHD for ADHD in the sentences here, and the same conditioning would be happening. I'm a partner of someone with ADHD, so I can talk about impact on me, of some of his silences, lack of commentary on anything but what concerns him. But it seems to me that on the ADHD side of things, there also very likely due to past life, has been conditioning, or could have been conditioning, to not express anything that would set off a surprise blowback.
And then there's the potential conditioning of getting accused of meaning ill because one's partner presumes or fears that one means ill. As far as I can tell, this presumption of intention of harm gets applied to both people with adhd and people without it.
The OP who started this thread put the question to people like me, who don't have ADHD, and so I'm answering that question: Living around someone with ADHD who very often vents irritation, I sure don't want to get roared at for doing something that isn't what he wants. No I'd begin to avoid the roaring...
So the temptation is strong to back up, into disconnection or neutral expression in the face of the grey wall of interpersonal silence and irritation. And as for strong expression of positives, I know that mine often acts like a scared deer when I express anything intense positive or negative. or has acted. The intensity itself seems to be what he is interpreting. This may not be what's going on in him, but it seems to be for him that strong expression of mine, including positive ones he translates to " something must be wrong with her" and translates that to "what did I do wrong, or what is she doing to me." This means that if I'm sad or happy, and express it at the level of feeling that I have at the moment, he has had a strong tendency to jump to the false conclusion that it's about him or that I'm doing something to him. He and I are at work on this area. As there's more room for me to express, it seems to me that he's also beginning to try out expressing himself more fully without fearing that I or the house will blow up : )
But again, who wants to set off fireworks. I don't like to upset other people, especially ones I love. So yes indeed, I at first dialed back to near zero my exuberance. I mourned the loss of my playfulness to trying to keep the peace. I was the scared deer in the headlights at first, after hyperfocus at the beginning of the relation began to wane, and the tide of messes, lost items, venting of irritations, etc began to rise. I didn't want to disturb my partner, even though his upsets were unfathomable to me. How could me being happy make him think I was after him? How could asking him a factual question set him off like that? Yes, I was the one who shut down, of the two of us, at first in our relation. I tried so very hard to be a Good Girl, helping him with everything that I could see that he said he needed help with, or might need. I tried to pick up all the slack. Even as I didn't have a clue what ADHD was, really. He's my first trip around the ADHD block. I once joked that before this relationship, if you asked me, I'd say ADHD was a kind of a plug bought at Home Depot that you could shift from one kind of current to another. I tried to keep the peace. I tried to clean up.
But shutting down my joy and needs is no way to live. I've decided to work on not walking on eggshells for fear of setting my partner off, which yes, I did a lot of at first, and he does sometimes hairtrigger, and presume ill when its not there. I'm working on not keeping my feelings inside and unsaid, on telling him what I love about him when I do have that moment of love or appreciation, and working on my own way forward.
This is why I'm not countable among the unhappy spouses with ADHD. Have no fear, I know that there are hard times, and that there's no avoiding some of them. I'm not in a cocoon of all good. Yes, yes, yes! my partner has lovely qualities and I love and admire him, but I'll never say that it's all OK at home daily. He and I have a bear of a set of interpersonal challenges to deal with and it would be a lie if either of us said ADHD on the relation is easy. We are going to have to work hard!, and not just one of us, both of us, if we're going to beat the statistical odds regarding relationships when ADHD is in the mix of the couple.
I refuse to quit expressing my joys, hopes, worries and sorrows. This means that I am going to have to be expressive me, as well as considerate of him. I refuse to quit believing that I'm desired. Sometimes, if I want something in interaction with him, I have to do waht I've never done in any other relation in my life, nor had the courage to do, which is to choose a good time and show him or tell him exactly what I want from him, for ex, when we're going out, after I'm dressed, etc, and I think I look pretty good, I go show him what I look like and say "how do I look? I think I look pretty good." : ) Not when he's hyperfocused, of course. If you knew me, you would laugh and laugh to hear that I do that "look at me, I'm attractive" But it helps sometimes, giving him a clear idea of what emotionally I want from him, and it is not a Federal Case, a Promise for Eternity, a position from which he'll have to take a machete to an emotional jungle to get out of, it's just a bleeping moment of good, and he can relax and just do the moment with me.
I have a long way to go here, and I don't know how I'll hold out, dealing with the extra that ADHD puts not only on him, but on me, but d***ed if I'm going to stop my effort into doing anything that I can imagine will do good to us both. I did that in spades in my past life, shutting myself down, going silent, fearfully not doing what seemed to set off anger, and it didn't work, it didn't work
I'm no better than anyone here, because I don't want to edit myself out of being alive, and I decided to tell my partner, not this site, when I'm at the wall over something ADHD generated that I'm having trouble with, and tell my partner, not this site, my joys in him.
I dont know how it will all come out in the long haul, i just know from past life which won't be spelled out but it was really bad in some years, that I cant shut myself down and if I want love with this man and I DO, i have to take my troubles about us to him, first and see what we can do. No it is NOT easy to do that with someone who has ADHD who doesnt see me well half of the time (and tends to presume that he does) and because I dont have ADHD i dont see him well half the time, either (and tend to presume that I do).
Its not easy. It's just my way forward; I know that I kill my soul if I run away or shut myself down. Everyone has to find her or his way in her or his particular relation, Its not one size fits all.
What I do hope is that people, ADHD or non ADHD, who are not living in the middle of extremely hard times dont sit in judgment of those who have lived 5, 20, more years with only hearing negative feeling from their partner, and spending most of their daily relational time cleaning up messes, putting right what went awry that day, worrying about where the rent is coming from, trying desperately to put something right, and who have by that been conditioned, one way or another, not to say much positive themselves. That could be EITHER side you know. It's not just people with ADHD who get treated like they're not worthy of being who they are. It's not just people without ADHD who are expected to do more than they can carry.
I say about people who are really struggling daily, whether they live with the condition in their own body or in the messes, lashing out, inattention, executive function problems, denials, avoidances or addictions of their spouse, give them a break if they dont feel like posting about joy,
And please give everyone a break by recognizing that they're not bringing their whole life offline but only their troubles, to a site designed as a help site. Dwelling in joy and love, whenever I can, is my only way forward, but heck, I'm not in the middle of a tragedy at the moment.
Reaction to Passion/Enthusiasm Not Necessarily ADHD
Submitted by NewLifeNewHope on
I'm a woman with ADD (primarily Inattentive) and tend to be passionate about things I feel strongly about (good or bad), and it does come across in discussions or debates with my husband. He interprets it as anger or attacks on him, which it rarely, if ever, is. Even if we're on different sides of a debate, if it isn't directly related to us or our relationship, I might very strongly express my position, but I don't feel anger towards him, unless he attacks me personally. Somehow, he always interprets it that way, though, no matter how many times I've tried to explain to him that I am just a passionate person and this is how I express myself. That is something I shouldn't have to change; it's part of who I am! My former husband was always trying to get me to "calm down", and we never debated controversial subjects (eg. politics). My enthusiasm was almost always positive, but he couldn't deal with it. And no, it's not a symptom of hyperactivity. I've always wished I had the hyperactive form of ADD if I have to have it. I'm generally quiet and more of an introvert than an extrovert, and tend to have fairly low energy, on the whole. It's only when I have some knowledge and interest in a topic of conversation that my passion comes to the fore.
One thing to consider: my ex-husband has Asperger's Syndrome and I'm fairly certain my current (soon-to-be ex :() husband is on the Autism spectrum, along with having an anxiety disorder. He's never been diagnosed because he doesn't want a label. As long as I'm the only one with a diagnosis, he can blame all our problems on me. In any case, I read recently that autism is quite frequently comorbid with ADHD, so I wonder if there might be more going on with your husband than just ADHD? If there is, it might be helpful to know.
Impeccable
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
This, here, at this moment, is me, exactly. Thank you, from me, in 2016, to whoever you are in 2015. Brilliant. The happy non ADHD folk are off living their damn lives, not worrying about lost souls like ours.
I agree with sunlight. My
Submitted by jachom on
I agree with sunlight. My relationship over 20 years - rought for 3 in the middle and after diagnosed and medicated he has approx one paranoid delusional behaviour that last for a few days - hopefully - we are made for each other.
It's been over a yr
Submitted by Amazon35 on
since I posted to this forum. Nothing much has really changed. Actually my husband was on meds for 3 months or so and I fell back in love with him. Then he stopped them for 3 or 4 months and everything went back to original. He just started taking meds again about 3 wks ago. This time a different med. I'm not sure if it's the right one though. But in order to cope I have shut down pretty much completely. I can't engage with his emotions. There are teenagers that are in the house every weekend (my step-kids) and they see his emotional reactions, and they see that they aren't warranted. I have to be the even keel one. The "rational" one for them. For his son that lives with us. In order for me to be that person I can't completely be there 100% for my husband like I should be as a wife. I've almost dettached completely. The screwed up part of it is that he hasn't noticed. When the kids visit they make fun of my husband and they wonder why he's so "crazy". I try to explain but they aren't old enough to get it. I hate that he can't form a relationship with them because of his "crazy". He doesn't notice that when he over reacts to something or goes off that everyone vanishes. I feel bad for him. All I know is that at this point I'm still here because of the kids. And they'll be grown soon so I can get out. 's
I have joined this site
Submitted by Societyzchild on
I have joined this site looking for support that is not in my everyday life.
I started dating my boyfriend about a year and a half ago. He let me know right off the rip that he has been diagnosed with adhd since a very young age. When we started getting serious in our relationship and he was getting ready to move in he went over all of it with me. Explained to me how it affects his daily life and how it has been a n issue with other relationships.
ive read a lot of people on here being angry and frustrated with the behaviors of their spouses, and it made me really sit here and appreciate the open communication we have had. I won't lie and say I've never be n frustrated or confused about when I think he is t paying attention to me. In the beginning it was very hard for me. However I learned to communicate that to him. He has his hobbies that yes distract a majority of the day, but really all I have to do is make a plan. If I want a date night we have a date night. No video games for a little to spend some concentrated time with me, and it's no big deal.
I guess what it boils down to for me, I fell in love with this man and ADHD or not I feel it's worth it as long as the communication doesn't stop
i starts
Good Luck to the both of you!
Submitted by Mihi Crede on
I commend your BF for being up front with you regarding ADHD. I'm hoping that my two kids when they get older and into relationships that they will be able to be just as open as your BF has been. I myself was not afforded the luxury of being diagnosed at an early age and after 20 years of marriage and practically destroying it, I'm in total recovery mode not only from a personal perspective but also for my wife and family. But you have given a brief glimpse to your situation that resonates with me.
First off the video games...do you know why ADHD'ers love to play them? It is a double reward system. First from a competitive standpoint, the games are fun and if you're good at them you're rewarded by some of the dopamine that we really look for. Second, when playing video games; we are focused to the point that all of the flat input from sounds, voices, lights get completely shut out and are able to bring the noise down to one source. Again this is very rewarding. But this is also a major reason that we could play for hours on end if we could. I had to completely give video games up cold turkey and find another source which can be really tough to do; UNLESS and it's a big unless...if you play video games with him and enjoy them just as much as he does and qualifies as together time. You also stated he has hobbies and is more than likely a hyper-focus to do the same as the video games. I had hobbies that have come and gone due to the 'Shiny Penny' effect and hopefully he recognizes that either he needs to bring you into the hobbies or dials them back so that it does not affect your together time or his job. I've had to eliminate mine down to two where I cook that benefits the family and I have another that I qualify the time spent only when my wife is away.
Last but not least, I have no idea how old the two of you are. Maturity in being able to step back and see the big picture is hard to do when you're younger. Having the maturity to see that some of these hobbies and the video games are a distraction from not only symptoms of ADHD but also are very distracting for the marriage unless the spouse is equally involved. I'm also hoping your BF has been able to hold and thrive in at what ever he does for a living; that is a major piece of the puzzle for many. Anyways, just some thoughts from somebody who has been through it and trying to fight my way back into my wife's heart.
Good luck to you both.
your children also have ADHD?
Submitted by Societyzchild on
your children also have ADHD? I think having someone that has lived it and experienced it you have a lot to offer to them and that things can be different. my daughter actually was just recently diagnosed herself and I can tell you that having my Bf there to understand her and help me understand what it really tails will be beneficial for the whole family.
My bf is 34 and I am 30 , and I do think the maturity is there to be s le to handle this differenTly then I have ups have had he not been diagnosed as a child. My ex husband actually had add to where he would focus on one thing only, which inevitably broke our marriage.
i am not much of a gamer but I definitely can say I understand fully why those with ADHD love video games. I don't mind honestly, I can't play them Bc I get too frustrated with ft them, but I love to watch him play and ask him questions about them. I'll give the man huge credit to doing other things as we are currently watching greys a anatomy lol. He is very compromising and even sets family time as his priority.
I will have my moments when of course I may not understand it fully but I love him so much that it is worth it
Happiness and Hopelessness
Submitted by HopelessinLA on
I've never been in an ADHD/NON-ADHD relationship before. If I'm being perfectly honest, I love my ADHD partner, and there are amazing things about this relationship, but there are definitely things that make it so difficult I too sometimes wonder if it's worth it.
The good times are wonderful, but those good times have taken a lot of work with an ADHD therapist to help both of us identify what's going to work for us. The hardest thing is the longevity. It's not a race it's a marathon. As long as he and i stick with the systems and approach each other with empathy, we seem to do better than OK. It feels like a loving, fulfilling relationship. More so than some of my non adhd relationships. On the flip side, when we 'fall off the wagon' it's not a blip or small hurdle to get over, it feels like nuclear war.
SO yes, some of the best times of my life and genuine happiness. & yes, some of the hardest most painful times too. Sorry, i know this post probably didn't help at all! Always a rollercoaster, and i know it can be exhausting.