Is this common? My ADHD partner will forget what I tell him, even if its in writing (via text). I'll mention something, and right after I say it, he'll ask me a question that indicates he did not register what I said at all. I'm frequently repeating myself, reiterating the time of when things start, when they end. What my schedule is. Where I'll be at what time, when I have to work.
It feels lonely. Like I'm not being heard or listened to. That he must have 10 other things on his mind while I'm talking to him, even without distractions like his phone in hand. My uncle has dementia and I often feel like his symptoms mimic my experience around my uncle. Feeling like his mind isn't fully there. And if it is, short-term memory is out the window.
I even get nervous when he drives. He'll be talking to me about something, and forget to make a turn or miss the exit. It feels so chaotic and of course my anxiety doesn't help. I feel like I have to constantly regulate my nerves around him, or I just make things worse. But seriously sometimes I just feel like nothing ever gets done right, or well, or efficiently if I'm not taking control. He can't even cook for me. He just lays in bed and doesn't get up until hours later.
I feel so godamn alone.
Are meds supposed to help with this?
He went off a stimulant that was causing too many negative side effects. But now I'm seeing just how severe his symptoms are.
My father was like this
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
For example, I told him for months and months that my car stalled frequently. One time, my sister's friend used my car to take my grandmother to the hospital. Afterwards, my father told me that the friend said my car stalls and asked me if I had ever noticed that.
Our 12-year old is also pretty bad in that way.
My wife has a lot of memory issues, but not as bad as either of them.
It's common Luna...
Submitted by c ur self on
There are several things that happen's with different mind types, that create frustrating situations....And there are things I found out that needs to happen when add/adhd is present in one or both parties....Breaking the train of thought of a deep thinker is vital.......Making sure you have the full attention of (I need for you to listen to this, eye to eye contact) the person before starting a question or comment......Never start talking from another room....Never think for them, or assume they can converse like yourself.....
Even when we do the right things, some mind types struggle with the ability to communicate. Two way conversations with many people will always be a challenge....Your comment about dementia type behaviors is also one I've noticed in our struggles with conversation/verbal communication....
Anxiety just escalates in us when we refuse to recognize this handicap, and work toward understanding and expecting it....Many people's reality just want allow attentiveness and communication skills on the level as others....It's not intentional....
I'm a type A, love to talk details, love to share verbally...I had to come to the realization that for us to have our best relationship opportunity, I had to learn to not engage her verbally, many times, even though I would like to.... There are other reason why I don't share with her like I would like besides the limited ability for verbal exchange....My wife was 46, had two Son's and had never been married when we married....She was somewhat set in her ways (strong opinions)....I was a 51 year old widower, (30 yrs. married) with two grown daughters who was set in mine :).....So when I would share with her like I would with my first wife, she somehow seemed to think I was asking her permission...LOL...Which I loved getting her thoughts...But if we didn't agree, her attitude would suffer...(wanted to control)....So it's just another reason to not attempt to over share verbally for us.....
Peace? or Talk? I'll take the peace every time.....
c
I'm guessing that your
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm guessing that your husband isn't forgetting things; rather, he isn't hearing you. Not in the sense of there being something wrong with his ears but in the sense of there being too many other things going on in his brain while you're talking or communicating in other ways.
I know how frustrating this is. My ex-spouse has ADHD (along with other anxiety and depression and possibly other disorders). Sometimes he wasn't hearing me, sometimes he forgot things, and sometimes he heard and remembered and didn't want to do stuff or acknowledge the truth of what I had said.
I get it
Submitted by mshoemake on
Luna... this is my world. I can write it, text it, say it, repeat it, email it... all the things. It is completely forgotten within minutes and I don't even know what to do. He says he doesn't process information as fast as I do but I feel like he isn't processing information at all. I tell him how lonely and hurt I feel when he forgets 3/4 of what I have said. How do you connect intimately with a spouse when they can't remember most of your conversations?
Luna, I know this very well. It is lonely.
Submitted by dedelight4 on
My very ADHD husband, does this almost every day. He does not hear me most of the time, and I can rarely have a conversation with him, like I would have with anyone else. (Especially a back and forth, interactive, information give and take type talk). Our "talks", go like this......"he talks, and talks and talks, and I listen. If I want.to speak, he often cuts me off, or instantly disengages from it (which I watch him do physically) and starts doing or looking at something else", and is not paying attention to what I'm saying. He then gets impatient, will cut me off, and then act as if what HE has to do NEXT (even if it's nothing) is vitally more.important than what I have to say, and does this impatiently. I learned to stop conversing with him for the most part, because he really doesn't like it.
Strange thing though, if it's a friend he hasn't seen in a while,.or another person, he'll talk to THEM as if he's the happiest, most polite person on earth, with lots of "back and forth" interaction. It's been VERY hurtful to me as his spouse, and it feels dismissive and that he could care less what I feel or think or anything about me. It IS VERY LONELY, to know I live with a person who pays almost no attention to me, until it's something he needs, or needs to talk about and have a sounding board for.
As a woman, I have felt very unloved, with a lack of physical touch, hugs, kisses, and just plain physical "touch". We ARE roommates, not a married couple.
This has been difficult for my self esteem and self worth, since having a spouse affirm their love for you/us is VITAL for the health and security of a relationship/marriage. This doesn't exist. I've had to do this part alone.