i listened to the author for an hour on YouTube and also read the book. I felt to totally inspired and felt hope for the first time in a long time. It was quickly squashed when my non - ADHD spouse told me she didn't want to listen to YouTube interview I found or read the book with me. I tried really hard to ask for some time with her to do this because she has been so stone walled with me and when she said yes I was so happy. But of course when I got home from work I was so worked up over feeling like I was going to say the wrong thing or mess it up and of course it happened. I was too pushy about when we were going to start our night. My meds are basically out of my system by the time I get home from work. (Which btw I don't understand how being on meds is helping my marriage when they're out of my by the time I'm home)
i freeze when I upset her. I flood and I can't pull myself out of it very quickly. She says she doesn't need to be involved that she's been asking and begging for a change in behavior from me for almost 6 years and she hasn't seen it. She has little hope and she told me feels like she comprised when we met because of everything she had come out of before. How can I try to mend a relationship that is so broken? I just want her to listen to the interview online and. Read the book and us both start recognizing patterns and making changes together. I just don't know if I can do this one sided. How Can I show her that I am capable and that I am making changes and choices.
When we fight. I flood and freeze. She doesn't. She can express her anger and frustration perfectly every time. I'm so afraid of losing her. I can't do this.
Be the Change You Want
Submitted by SunshineSC on
Hello from a non-ADHD spouse. I have been trying unsuccessfully to get my husband to get treatment for diagnosed ADHD for ten years. He did start medication and stopped after 3 days because he said it was too much. He hasn't went back to the Dr.
My advise to you is to continue with making yourself better. Continue to follow through on everything you said you would do. For most of us non-adhd spouses, we have heard it all before with little to no results and its so hard to have faith in it actually happening. Just continue to work on YOU and she will see the changes and hopefully come around.
I personally think of leaving my relationship of over ten years because my husband will not get treatment and I feel so alone and abandoned. After a whole lot of counseling, I have decided that I cannot change him, I cannot force him, I only control myself and I am focusing on living my life as I want it to be instead of waiting for him to do XYZ. Your wife may be at this same crossroads. Just do what you can to better yourself and see what happens!
Best wishes!