I just recently became aware of ADHD being the likely contributor to much hurt and pain in my life. I have joked for a long time about having ADD/ADHD not ever really taking it seriously or realizing how many aspects of one life it can effect. I have recently come to realize how much it encompasses. I have often fought with my wife over things in the house not getting done or forgetting to do things. I have honestly wanted to improve but the improvement is slow to come or neglect or forgotten about soon. I truly want to be a better husband and contributor to our life together and our children's lives (we have 5). The biggest hurdle though is I, without fully realizing it, get involved with other relationships that hurts ours. I will without realizing it get involved in a situation helping another woman and make poor decisions. I have never cheated on my wife, never had a sexual relationship of any manner outside of our ours. But I have given attention to other women, to the point of even ignoring my wife standing next to me. I truly love my wife and don't realize I'm engaging in these behaviors until she points it out and it has already done its damage. I have also lied about petty things in the past (smoking being a big one) probably due to insecurity. It has reached a point where I'm not sure it is recoverable. But I want to make a full on effort to save my life with the woman I love, keep our family together and improve my relationships with my children. I have no idea where to turn for help and have no insurance for extra money for counseling or therapy. Does anyone have suggestions for getting help? Thanks!
Help my marriage is falling apart.
Submitted by b-guy on 04/01/2014.
Do you have medical insurance
Submitted by MFrances on
Do you have medical insurance that you can ask your primary care doctor to prescribe meds? Not the best scenario but if you have no insurance or no money for a psychiatrist and/or a therapist maybe your primary can help. If you attend church, maybe the two of you can meet and talk with your pastor/minister.
Also, there are a ton of books and websites that can help, just be careful while researching online. Melissa's book would be great for you and your wife to read. There's a book called Your Life Can be Better by Douglas Puryear, he is a psychiatrist and has ADHD so it's easy to read and he gives great tips on how to cope with the disorder and case studies of other people, some that choose to use medication and some that do not. My husband (who has ADHD and does not like to read) loved this book and has followed some of the strategies. This book helped him a lot. He also has a website. Also, look into support groups in your area, they are often free or ask for a donation. C.H.A.D.D. (not sure what that stands for exactly but it's for children and adults with ADHD) is a great resource and you can look up your area to see if there is a CHADD chapter near you that has support group.
For your wife, there is a great book called Is it you, me or adult ADD. It's great, it helped me so much when my husband was in the process of getting diagnosed. Just for her to see what behaviors are caused by the ADHD and that she is not alone could be very helpful to her. Hopefully all these books would be available at the library, it can get costly to buy them all.
You've already taken the first steps by knowing what you need to work on, what behaviors are damaging, and that you want to change! That's huge in itself. Good luck, I hope you and your wife can work it out.