Hi everyone this is my first post here and I am seriously soooo excited to be here. I've been reading a lot of people's posts and oh my can I relate! My hubby was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and now years later I think it still really affects him. We've been married for almost 2 years with a 10 month old and I am so about ready to throw in the towel. One of the main issues is money and his stupid, STUPID car.. 2013 ford mustang decked out, that was a base model and he has pouuuuuured money into over and over when I have to use gift cards from our baby shower to pay for diapers and baby food! :( the other night I told him how we are going to start paying off all of HIS debt, about $20,000 total and I said that requires you to sell your car, so we can pay off the car loan, to which he said "fuck no" (excuse the language) but really. We are living with his grandparents because we can't afford anywhere to live and as soon as he gets paid he spends it on his car before I even have a chance to pay bills. I just feel my son and I are Sooo unimportant compared to that car, he says it's his baby, but really isn't you're infant son your baby?!! Idk what to do.. He obviously values that car so much over us that I can't take it anymore.
His car seems more important than us...
Submitted by Jenred813 on 04/16/2015.
wow
Submitted by JustDealing on
Well I can feel your pain here. My situation is a little less extreme though. Let me explain a little. My husband(also diagnosed as a child and is now unmediated) hasn't worked for more than maybe 18 months in the 9 years we have been together. He does take care of our kids while I work but he doesn't bother to cook and his idea of "cleaning all day" is very difficult for me to not get ugly about. The house stays a mess and I feel like I am running from sun up til sun down and we stay broke. SO he recently got a car (when we got our tax refund which i encouraged.. yikes) and now he starts talking about getting a job so he can fix up his car... It's so awful to feel that he can get and keep a job for his car but not for his family. But.. I guess I'm just glad he is somewhat motivated. Now in your situation.. I think you are really going to have to sit down and spell it out for him. Try to not be angry even though he probably will be. And knowing how my husband is (stubborn) I'd say you may just plan on letting him keep his car. Even though it isn't fair. Just make him understand that going forward he needs to be responsible because he has a REAL baby now. Show him that he has poured money into the car and it is awesome (whether you think so or not) but now it's time to put money towards a home and all the things his son needs or else he is going to loose his family. Maybe even decide on a reasonable budget for his car. After all it is his paycheck and you want both of you to feel satisfied and taken care of. That's just what I would do. I really hope he is willing to work it out with you
Well, if you were to divorce him.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Do you live in a state or country where child support would be garnished from his wages?
I would keep track (detailed track) of the fact that as soon as he gets paid, he puts the money towards his car. You need those records.
If you live in an area where an attorney could use those records to demonstrate that you need child support garnished from his wages (before he has a chance to spend it), then do so.
In a divorce, since all you seem to have is a pricey car and a big debt, then he'd be faced with being ordered to sell it or to take on the debt himself. See, half that car is yours, and half the debt is yours. So, you can't split a car, right? So, he'd either have to "buy out" your share, which you could use to pay off your share of the debt, or he'd have to accept all debt.
I can tell you with almost complete accuracy that there's no way he'll get better. Someone who will spend on a car before making sure his baby has food and diapers is mentally ill....seriously mentally ill. SERIOUSLY mentally ill.
Get out. Find a great lawyer.
ouch
Submitted by kaycee_michelle on
You know I have been upset my ADHD hubs has spent (at least that I know of) over 5 grand on his sports car this year alone. Without asking/telling/consulting with me etc. HOWEVER MIRACULOUSLY which I can honestly only give credit to answered prayers as he is unmedicated also... he just sold it this week (to his mom~it was her fathers). On top of that he admitted how he put it before me/us and didn't ever ask my opinion/consult before spending etc. I was shocked, amazed that he has realized his unhealthy spending (time, resources, emotions etc) and resolved this for our benefit as a married couple.
I didn't have to nag him or anything I simply have been praying and supporting him every time it broke down I'd go save his a**, pat his leg and comfort him while he acted out in frustration. Said I was behind him 100% whether he kept it or not (he kept talking about getting rid if it and I knew he really wouldn't). It may not happen overnight for you but if you have even the tiniest amount of faith it is possible your marriage can be saved, I know its not easy we have plllleeennnttyyyy of other issues we are painfully working through but you need to decide for yourself if it is worth it or not.
Well thank you guys so much
Submitted by Jenred813 on
Well thank you guys so much for responding. I know I do really need to decide what is best for my son and I and I know divorce probably should happen but I do honestly have a sliver of hope that he will someday get rid of it... Hopefully. I guess for now I'll just keep keeping on and hope he comes to his senses and soon.
Well thank you guys so much
Submitted by Jenred813 on
Well thank you guys so much for responding. I know I do really need to decide what is best for my son and I and I know divorce probably should happen but I do honestly have a sliver of hope that he will someday get rid of it... Hopefully. I guess for now I'll just keep keeping on and hope he comes to his senses and soon.