Honey, are you listening? by Richard Fowler is a good source of ideas written by a man with ADD and his nonADD wife. they acknowledge many of the obstacles marriages encounter and some ideas about how both partners can approach the issues. One issue it pointed out for me is my tendency to believe that my nonADD ways are the best way and why can't he understand this? but when I look really closely about why I do things the way I do them, they are really just a preference. There wouldn't be any real consequence to do what I do differently on most issues. I wonder why I have such a prideful attitude that my way is best?
There's some really good points made about the stress the ADD person has internally and the stress he experiences because of the actions of others. The point was made that any stress causes overwhelm and increased likelihood of more ADD behavior.
Agreed!
Submitted by marny on
I totally agree.......I have the same thoughts that you do. My husband and I preach to our children all the time (we have 5 combined) that each one of them has a different personality and just because one might not do something the exact same way as another doesn't make it right or wrong. I might be able to get from point A to point B in a straight shot but my husband needs to visit more letters in the alphabet before he gets there. I do have a control issue that comes out when I am trying to keep us on track or just manage multiple priorities but if I begin to show it towards my husband or or he is a factor in the progress then you can bet that this train will get completely off the tracks in a matter of seconds. We have to accept that the ADHD person just has a different process to go through. I am going to order this book to help reinforce this within myself.
ADD and non-ADD Ways
Submitted by Sueann on
Of course, sometimes non-ADD ways are better. Surely, it is better to work than to expect your partner to support you. Surely, it's better to drive the speed limit. Surely, it's better to share household responsibilities equally, instead of expecting the other spouse to do all the work while you play Freecell on the computer.
Sometimes I feel like this is all a big con, to get their partner to take care of them. He did these things before he married me, so why can't he now?