How could I be precise about my ADHD partner’s disorder?
Firstly, I'm a Japanese and I'm sorry if my English skill isn't enough to explain my thoughts.
I really would love to understand him as much as I can, accept his everything and love the way he is.
And stay his side whole my life.
So I'd like to talk about what he is bad at and what he wants me to do about things he's bad at.
But would ADHD individuals mind if their partner start the conversation about their disorder?
Or would they be happy about that their partner is trying to understand, accept and love the way they are?
To start to talk about this with him, how should I start to talk to not hurt him?
By the way I really love his everything so far and respect that he strictly pursues what he loves(in my boyfriend’s case, it’s web designing), and even tho there are some bad affects because of his disorder (like he can’t concentrate, being late to complete his work)
Hi Oshaolin
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I translated your question using Google Translate and I think you are facing what many of us are. It is difficult to talk to the ADHD partner about the ADHD and to get him/her to understand how the ADHD impacts YOU. Melissa's book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage, is very good and might be a good place to start (either just for you or for both of you). (According to Amazon, it has been translated into Japanese as well.) A lot of ADHD partners seem to like listening to the audio book from what I have seen in forums like this one. You sound like you are still in a relatively calm place and that perhaps you both have the fortitude it takes to manage ADHD. Maybe you can get your partner to consider medication as a first step. It is very hard. Please know there are many of us here who understand what you are going through. I personally believe that the ADHD partner has to address the symptoms and behaviors affecting the relationship for it to improve.
If his symptoms are impacting you, I think it is fair that you address it with him, even though it's difficult. He may not be receptive at first.
Thanks for the comment
Submitted by 0shaolin7 on
Thank you for the comment and I'm sorry I thought I wrote this in English but somehow it turned into Japanese.
There are lots of ideas and tips for ADHD individuals and their parents but not for partners in Japan.
Thank you for recommending me the book!
Actually I've already bought it and I'm waiting for it delivered.
I'm not much effected by his disorder. I'm completely ready to try to understand and accept him all, give him my hand whenever he needs and help him to live comfortably.
He was medicated at the very beginning (2 years ago) but not anymore because it didn't suit him because of side effects.
And he doesn't seem he is suffering now, so I guess I need to talk to him and ask if he has some problems because of disorder.
I don't have any problem so far but maybe there are something else he wants me to understand and do something about.
So yeah I will try to talk to him trying to not hurt him.
Thank you so much anyway
All the best!
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
He is lucky to have such a supportive partner and I am so happy the ADHD doesn't seem to be impacting your relationship negatively. Wishing you all the best!
Hello....Oshaolin7
Submitted by c ur self on
Something to think about....From my experience many adhd minded people want to be accepted like they are....(Not really look at it as a disorder)....This usually causes some uncomfortable moments when they are in a relationship with a person who does not have adhd....IF you consider the top 8 or 10 common behaviors, (easy to find on the web) that are just part of daily life for a fast minded person, then consider how you manage a day, it becomes clear the difference's....
Just remember, what he calls normal, you may call chaos, what you call normal he may call boring....It's very easy to allow our feel good emotions to impact day to day reality...Especially in the beginning of our relationships....Enjoy your friendship, but, just be aware....
Best wishes
c
Thanks for the comment
Submitted by 0shaolin7 on
Thank you for the comment!
there are plenty of differences between me and my boyfriend but we also have plenty tings in common so I don't really care the differences :)
And I believe there's no such "normal".
He just shows me the world I never knew so it's just fun to stay with him.
We've only been together for half year but hope I could know about him more and more.
Anyway thank you for your comment, I appreciate you :)