I can't think of one more thing I can do on my end to support my DH.
- He's been out of work for three years. His skills are outdated. He goes to interviews but never gets anything.
- He ran for political office and lost. He has zero experience in city matters. He won't volunteer for anything because he thinks he already has a ton of experience
He's pretty much giving up at this point. Out of 22 years he's been employed for maybe 10-12. He can't keep a job, and pretty much anything he touches he fails at. He went back to school - one school defaulted on him in the middle of a degree, and then he flunked most of his other classes. He's half-heartedly tried to start his own businesses, but can never stay focused enough to do what needs to be done.
He has delusions of grandeur constantly that I think are probably a direct result of the failure he is at this point in his life. He's a good dad and helps out around the house, but anything beyond that is just not happening.
This morning he was down about the political results. I look at him and feel badly that at 45 he is literally where he was 20 years ago - not one bit of progress. It's hard to know what to say or do anymore because anything I suggest will fall on deaf ears, so why even bother? For example, his latest aspiration is to go and get training as a project manager. Great - so how will you accomplish this? He has no clue, not one bit of motivation or thought on how to see it through.
My first inclination is always to do the legwork for him. Always. I started pulling up information on getting the PMP and then suddenly had a realization that this is pointless. Just like every other idea that I've researched for him, with nothing to show for it. I've spent countless hours researching, pulling up plans, mapping out next steps, trying to support and cheerlead, with nothing to show for it.
So at this point I'm going to try something new. Instead of doing all that, I'm going to let him be the one to drive. I can't waste any more time on this.
Any other ideas on how I can support him? The situation is honestly quite sad. There's really nothing positive here, other than he does a good job on the laundry and dishes (which are super helpful).
has he tried a coach
Submitted by Sade88 on
I attend a monthly support group for people with spouses who have ADD. One person says his wife has life coach. The coach helps her with ways to stay organized and on task with her job. A coach may be able to help him get on task and stay on task with finding a way to make money be it a job or starting a business. Outside assistance from someone who a) is a professional and b) he may be more willing to accept help from since the person should be seen as objective and nonjudgemental may help. It likes when I tell my teenager something and he don't listen. But if he hears it from someone else, he listens. Also, your husband may feel like he has to be more accountable to the coach (especially since he has to pay for it).
No, I would have to pay for
Submitted by redhead1017 on
No, I would have to pay for it.
It's a good suggestion, and one I've actually brought to him before. He is ashamed? embarrassed? too prideful to get help? Not sure, but his reaction was pretty negative.
sorry to hear
Submitted by Sade88 on
Sorry to hear he had a negative reaction to your past suggestion. When was the last time you made the suggestion and how did you bring up the subject? I have been asking my DH to go see a counselor for almost 2 years. Most times I asked, it was not in a positive way. The last time I asked, I was calm and asked nicely. He is finally seeing a counselor. :)
I encouraged my husband to
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I encouraged my husband to hire a coach. He was resistant. He did see a therapist for awhile. Although that person indicates on his web page that one of his areas of interest is ADHD, it did not appear that much coaching went on in my husband's case. I don't know how much of that lack was due to the therapist and how much to my husband. I do know that my husband was uninterested in being accountable to anyone for his behavior. You can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
" I do know that my husband
Submitted by redhead1017 on
" I do know that my husband was uninterested in being accountable to anyone for his behavior. "
This is it pretty much I think. He doesn't think the problem lies with him, at least that's the front he likes to put on. It's always someone else's fault. His entire career has been like that. I think underneath he's got to see that the problem is him, but it's too hard to face.