I met someone two months ago we were on honeymoon status until she said something was bothering her about us she didn't know what it was . I immediately asked her calmly what was wrong and she told me she wasn't ready to talk yet . That she would tell me when she was ready . I asked her to please tell me as I knew it was going to torture me with anxiety . She continued to refuse . That's when the hulk came over.. I raised my voice and said it was going to be detrimental to me if she didn't tell me (that I wanted to know what it was so we could work it out..)after and only then she decides to tell me when the storm had turned into a cat 4)by than I'm taking roofs trees walls aparts and turning into rubles and debris
We are broken up . I didn't know how to control it... She is upset and very scared of me while I'm extremely remorseful and hurt..
She is now afraid I would do the same again . She felt betrayed and tells me she can't trust me again . I don't know what to tell her what to do
Hurricane
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Did you tell the woman you have been dating that you had ADHD? I know that my BF told me about his ADHD early on in our relationship. I didn't fully understand what that would mean until I read Melissa Orlov's book, The ADHD affect on Marriage. Reading the book helped me alot. My BF sometimes is anxious, like you describe. If I mention something to him but we don't discuss it soon after I mention it, he becomes anxious about it, and stews over it all day. One time, he left work early over something I said, because he became so focused on it, his day was ruined.
I was thrown by my BF's emotional outbursts at first, and sometimes I still am. I have learned to walk away from certain situations.
If she didn't want to talk with you about something, it is her right not to talk about it. It is wrong to try and force someone to do something they are not comfortable doing. It would make sense that if you haven't told her about ADHD, or if you mentioned it, but she doesn't understand how it would affect your relationship....that she may be reluctant to discuss her feelings.
Hurricane
Submitted by Fabcali2k10 on
Thanks for the input. Yes I told her I had adhd. I know now it was bad to push her to talk . I should waited till she was ready . I was so afraid of the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that was coming my way that I went on the defensive side . She got really upset . I wanted to talk to her later on that day She kept ignoring me and I started ranting away texting non-stop. I kept pushing her away thinking I was right...she is still pretty upset with me and tells me she can't be with me because she would not be able to trust me . I told her I would do everything in my power to control it To keep it from happening.. She doesn't think it's possible
How are ways to avoid these impulsiveness and control it . What are the methods used or how can it be used . I'm hurting really bad .. Especially for hurting the one I love. She is confused how I could love her and hurt her like that .
You're on the right track and
Submitted by SweetandSour on
You're on the right track and have made the important first steps - identifying what the problem behaviors were and identifying what the emotional response of another person was, as well as your own feelings which precipitated the behavior. And you want to get control over the behavior. All that is admirable and I want to acknowledge that you've done well with those initial steps and to encourage you to forge on to find the help you need. I don't have any answers myself for how to control the impulsiveness, but you can find help with that - keep reaching out. Read Melissa's blog posts about finding treatment and maybe make another post here asking for input from others with ADHD who have first-hand experience.
Here is what u tell her.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Tell her that I should have respected your right to deal with your own thoughts and emotions..And share them if and when you pleased...Instead of being and out of control ass hole who disrespected you in an attempt to force my will on you by bull dozing you w/ threatening behavior...Tell her she should not come back and submit herself to that kind of behavior again. Until I grow up and learn how to respect and appreciate others and realize I'm not the only one who matters...
Honestly, I get anxiety just
Submitted by Hopeful Heart on
Honestly, I get anxiety just reading your post and the way you responded to your girlfriend. I can only imagine how afraid she must have been. If she were my friend or my sister, I would advise her to stay away from you. It isn’t fair of you to try to pressure her to stay in that situation. Maybe you should consider not pursuing romantic relationships right now. Maybe you should get counseling to learn how to control your emotions and anxiety. You will be much happier and have much happier relationships after you’ve worked on yourself and your relationship skills.