I don't think H really has any true friends. He's got buddies he races with but they never call him up wanting to do anything. I don't really have any friends since I moved out here 5 years ago because 1) I'm shy and 2) H goes into a snarky mode anytime I make plans to do anything with anyone so I never call anyone up and I almost always turn anyone down when they do ask me to go out with them. I think he is tired of seeing pictures on Facebook of all these people having fun in big groups and here we are at home doing the same old thing-nothing. Yet I love how he says "I" need to find us some friends. He just doesn't want to do anything does he??! He says he can't find anyone because they all treat him like crap and use him. I'm friends with some people at work so he tells me to ask them to come up some weekend and we'll bbq. No way...are you out of your mind?! I don't want anyone I work with to come up and be subjugated to you! He's known for just letting f-bombs fly and he'll probably drink too much and be overly loud because he thinks he's being funny and friendly, but it's so embarrassing.
Husband tells me "I" need to find us some friends!
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 09/04/2014.
Detaching with love
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
"goes into a snarky mode anytime I make plans to do anything with anyone so I never call anyone up and I almost always turn anyone down when they do ask me to go out with them."
Mapper,
I read this particular part of your post, and see a bit of my history in it. As with LOTS of things I am discovering lately, I didn't see it for what it was. I personally, DO NOT believe for a SECOND that my spouse ever did anything to PURPOSELY CONTROL me - That said, I was very controlled by his moods. Always trying to change what I did to "keep the peace" or even MAKE the peace.
My spouse "appears" to be threatened by my FaceBook activity. He makes comments about "go ahead and run to FaceBook and tell your friends about that." Again, it is his suspicion that gets me very weary. My FaceBook is about me, and my family and my friends and what we do and how my nieces and nephews are growing, and their families, and my college woes (LOL! Hard to relearn how to learn at 54 years of age.) I do not, never have never will, trashed my spouse on FaceBook.
My spouse also assumes all we do when I get together with my friends is trash him. I do have one friend, who is dealing with similar marriage situation with her spouse, and her and I share our frustrations - and we ALSO attend Al-Anon together - to look at our own actions, and how to make choices about our behavior, and how to detach with love and not be co-dependent on our spouses' poor behaviors.
"He says he can't find anyone because they all treat him like crap and use him. " I know this so very well. My spouse has fallen victim to many a shyster who sees his good nature and takes advantage of him. It happens over and over. Now he is trying to get all of us, who have loved him unconditionally for years, to PAY RETRIBUTION for the others. So unfair. So not going to work. And my spouse DOES NOT see it. I am hoping that all that do love him will be able to stand against the storm of his behaviors until he works through them. I don't know. I fear he will ruin the good relationships he has. Only time will tell.
over and over
Submitted by dedelight4 on
"My spouse has fallen victim to many a shyster who sees his good nature and takes advantage of him. It happens over and over."
Yes, same here too. So, because he gets "taken" by others, my husband is angrier and MORE suspicious of me and our family because he is angry at OTHER PEOPLE. He won't ADMIT what truly happened, he just gets angry and blames US for "his" not taking my advice, and falling victim to con men. It happened again recently, and it's cost us a ton of money.