I am in a running battle with my ADHD husband about the back porch. He wants to enclose it as an office. He knows NOTHING about building construction, but yet INSISTS he can do this. I have put my foot down and said ABSOLUTELY NOT because of the permits, the building codes and knowing FULL WELL what it's going to look like when he gets "done" with it.
There are already at least 2 dozen projects around the house that have yet to be completed, and they have been staring us in the face for years now. I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER UNDONE PROJECT....ESPECIALLY A GREAT BIG ONE.
1. The broken hot tub....that he broke while trying to get it winter ready, so that the cold weather wouldn't "break" the tubes, so HE broke it. He now won't go under it because of the dreaded "spiders".
2. The house is about one third painted, inside and out, so the house is in different colors.
3. The yard NEVER gets finished, so I am the one left doing it, while he is yelling at me to NOT do it. (I have a severe back problem) It ALWAYS looks a mess.
5. He's broken both sets of sliding doors in the house, and the doors are in the garage, so the closets and the washer and dryer are open to the world.
6. The garage is filled with his "tools" always dirty and a mess, unless my daughter and I clean them up.
7. The gutters NEVER get cleaned, and I can't do it. Causes a problem with runoff around the house.
8. Broke the kitchen sink while trying to install a water filter.
9. Installed a new dishwasher (against my wishes) and now it "floats" around the kitchen instead of being locked in it's place under the counter, when I begged him to call a plumber.
10. Built a "patio" outside with tiles, but are all crooked and now a mess. It cost about 3 times more than cement would have cost, and it has to totally be redone now.
This is just ten items right off the bat, but there are many more. HOW CAN I CONVINCE HIM THAT A PROFESSIONAL HAS TO DO THIS ENCLOSURE? He won't listen to me when I tell him I can't take one more undone project.
Could you hire a professional
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Could you hire a professional yourself? I've done that a few times. It's made easier because I'm living mostly alone now, but I have a sense that it still would bother my husband, if he could remember to think about the fact that he's being deposed as the fix-it person. I actually think it's good to have a family member who can fix things, and I appreciate it when my husband does so, but I also make clear that if something needs fixing, it must be done by a certain time or date and if it isn't, then I'm hiring outside help.
More and more projects...
Submitted by Resigned2B on
Dear Dedelight,
I'm sooooooo sorry to hear this! It is hard to read, as you know, because we are starting into year three of a two month kitchen remodel. He has had to take ALL the cupboard faces off in the past two weeks because the painter he hired had sprayed them incorrectly and they need to be sanded down and repainted and then re-hung! I BEGGED him to insist the painter/cabinet maker re-hang them. He said that he REALLY NEEDS to be able to say that he, himself, did them!
So I'm clear honey, you are willing to take THIS long at the expense of my own mental health, frustration, anxiety, tears, resentment, finish commitment dates that have come and LONG gone, and now it will be even many more months, JUST TO HAVE THE SATISFACTION of saying that YOU did it????? He said yes...
I told him he gave up that luxury after year ONE was over! But here I sit and wait and wait and wait! He won't even give me the names of the people that he has had doing the work for fear that I will post them on Houzz warning people NOT to EVER use them! He keeps telling me they are the best in this city of 2M! The first year he told me that, the company filed bankruptcy, putting our work back with the new, best in the city!
I think a hunger strike is in order...
Thank you for this
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Thank you for your posts. I am going to check out the cost of hiring a professional, but I know I will get lambasted for doing so. On top of this entire mess, my husband thinks he is actually going to SAVE money by doing it himself. NOT..........IT NEVER DOES.........IT ALWAYS ENDS UP COSTING US 2 to 10 TIMES THE COST, of whatever it is he is doing.
He build a sandbox for our granddaughter. (a wooden one) It ended up costing 500. YEAH. that's five HUNDRED dollars. When we could have bought a plastic one for 30 dollars. YIKES. I can't imagine what a back porch is going to cost.
Resigned2B.....sorry I haven't been in touch. Things have been crazy busy, but it's great to hear from you. I have often thought about your 2 year kitchen re-do. (sorry about that one too) I can totally sympathize. wow.