H never wants to be the person to plan anything. He'll talk about how fun it would be if we did such and such. He'll tell me half a dozen times over a 1 month period how awesome that would be if we could take that trip. Yes it would be awesome. Seeing as how it's YOUR idea and we would be going to visit YOUR relatives, YOU can plan the whole thing. Nope. If I don't say "Oh I'll make the plane reservations, I'll find us a hotel, I'll look for cool things to do while we are there" he won't do a damn thing. The whole trip will just fall by the wayside until he decides taking a trip to California would be awesome. He'll tell me that a bunch but if I don't make a move to plan the entire thing, he will forget about it. I planned our entire wedding. I planned our entire honeymoon. I planned our entire motorcycle trip. He always tells me we'll sit down one night and figure the whole thing out. Well sitting down consists of sitting on the couch with the tv on and him on the laptop and not paying attention to anything I say and after 10 minutes it "Oh you just pick a time to go and where to stay and make reservations and I will make sure I can get those days off." You know when it should be the other way around where he gets the days off first and then we plan.
Husband wants to take a trip to Florida, but if I don't plan it, we don't go!
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 02/10/2015.
I can completely empathize
Submitted by Beachlover68 on
I can completely empathize with your post. But after 20 years of living with an ADD spouse, this is one area I have learned to give on. My husband always has the best of intentions. It's the follow through that is the issue. So, I try really hard to believe and understand his intentions and not judge only on his follow through. We do a scuba diving trip every summer which he is very involved in planning because diving is one of his passions. The beach is my passion, so it works out. Most other trips that we do are my idea and planned by me. He is always happy to go when we can fit it in time/$/schedule wise. But I have accepted that he is not usually going to take the initiative to do the planning. Luckily, traveling is one of our shared interests. So, when we do get away, regardless of who did most of the planning, his ADD behavior is not as big of a factor as it is in our day to day routine.
Beachlover68 you bring up some very interesting points....
Submitted by c ur self on
I am not a women nor do I pretend to be able to think like one...But, I read so many of these posts where a wife is planning her daily life in hopes she can dodge her husband..How healthy is that? You're basically saying here what I already know about my wife, and have pointed out more times than I probably should...If she wants to do something, If she truly desires it...She will do it. Same with people, if the kids are around, she will go with out rest to cook, visit, what ever, to make sure they know she cares, and loves them and their needs and desires are met....So when she lives like I don't exist much of the time, when she shows little to no motivation to share in life's responsibilities with me, (unless it serves her own interest, like traveling etc.) then I have my answer about my relationship. I like many posters here may not want to accept it, because it is quiet a painful reality for me...But, I have the answer just the same.
If we (me) would quit making excuses for our mates, and just realize we have a life, things can be different...I hope I never get to be such a coward (again), that I fear speaking truth and that I want to dodge my wife.
MY ADHD H only plans stuff for himself.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
The only think my ADHD H will plan is something totally for HIM....like a golf outing. And even those don't take much work or foresight.
Any vacation we've ever taken has required me to do ALL planning. Even when I ask him, he just says for me to do it. For a Disney world trip, I showed him plans, but he just tossed them aside saying he'd look at them later and never did. And once we were there, he complained!