For me, my DH's hyperfocus is the most maddening ADD behavior I live with. He gets consumed by things. I might as well be on another planet most of the time. He lives in his own world. It is really disheartening to feel invisible in your marriage. If I bring it up, ask for attention, it is usually perceived as some sort of personal attack or criticism. So, I'm doomed either way. So sad. The cruel truth is that he was hyperfocused on me for the first few years and I thought that was real...didn't realize it was just a stage of his ADD that would soon be replaced with something else once our marriage was cemented and he didn't have to focus on me so much anymore. 20 years and 2 kids later...I sometimes think I'm crazy to still be here fighting for this marriage. If it weren't for my two sons, I probably wouldn't be.
Beachlover68
Submitted by c ur self on
I think this is probably one of the most difficult attributes of ADD for most of us spouses. If I had to describe my wife in this area...I would say her inability to follow through and to stay on task causes her to look at most aspects in life; as a completely different life...In other words, Each major concern in her life, has a life of it's own...Children, Job, Friends, Hobbies, Husband...I could be ugly here and say in this order...And it seems this way at times...The feeling of abandonment even in their presents, is the most difficult for me on a daily bases....
And it's just a trap to try and point it out and wake up the the old devil denial...If she had the capability to see it, she would change it...I know she loves me...It's just who she is.
Yes...it's just who he is.
Submitted by Beachlover68 on
Yes...it's just who he is. So true. Does not make it easier to deal with. Actually, makes it harder because I know he is not purposely treating me like I live on another planet.
I think it is so unfair that the majority of coping with ADD life falls on the non-ADD partner. In my experience, I'm supposed to suck it up. He can't help that his brain works like if does. I just have to accept it. No accountability. If I try to make him accountable, then I am the bad guy...being difficult, being a b*#%?. But if I have an emotional reaction to his ADD behavior I am also all those things. Lose...lose...
Insanity merry go round.
Can you get him to agree to some "couples time"?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Can you ask him if you both can set aside some time each day - say 6 pm _ that can be "couples time."
I've tried. At this point,
Submitted by Beachlover68 on
I've tried. At this point, he just shows no interest in me. It's all forced interaction. The Internet is his security blanket.