Submitted by Kathryn on 02/17/2008.
Hi All,
In the past six months I have found out that I seem to be living with ADHD all around me. At least now there's some type of answer for what's going on in my life. My five year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and his doc. seems confident that my husband has ADHD as well.
Since finding this site last week I've been absorbing as much as I can about this problem and how it impacts peoples lives and what they can do about it. I originally started looking to gain insight in regard to my son and have found that I'm finding all kinds of reasons why my husband has been what I simply considered a disrespectful, selfish individual through most of our marraige. So, that's the very rough background here but what I'm curious about is this "hyperfocuing" people keep talking about. What exactly does it mean and how common is it with ADHDers? I always knew that people with ADHD could have trouble focusing and could be very hyper and disconnected but I never knew that hyperfocusing was a symptom or a characteristic. One of the reasons I'm wondering about this is because my husband and son (although many similar traits at times) have one primary differnece in their behaviors. My son is very hyperfocused to the point that we were originally looking at Asperger's Syndrome (in the Autism spectrum) and he has ultimately been diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) - could this just be the hyperfocusing you're all talking about? He has many rituals and routines and repeats things constantly. He also has very focused interests and doesn't partcipate in as many "normal" five year old activities.
On the flip side, my husband can't seem to focus on anything that doesn't interst him personally at a given moment and his primary characteristic seems to be frustration and anger. He's big on yelling and loosing his control. One of our marraige counselors called me his "Prozac" since it had become my job to monitor his emotions. So, does ADHD look very different in everyone or are there very many common traits and behaviors. Why is anger so common for people with ADHD and does anger mangement help? Any advice and/or info. anyone could offer would be helpful - especially in regard to better understanding hyperfocusing. Thanks!
ADHD vs. OCD
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
I am not a doctor, so I don't do diagnoses. I would trust that your doctor has the diagnoses right, though, since it looks as if many options were considered.
Hyperfocusing is when someone gets totally involved in things...for a while....then moves on to something else. Very common in ADHD relationships is hyperfocusing during courtship and then stopping after you've gotten married. Another I've heard is having someone hyperfocus on hobbies or computers to the degree that they exclude the others around them - creating rifts in families. Your doctor can tell you more, and you should certainly ask until you are satisfied your questions have been answered.
As for your husband's anger. It can be a really, really frustrating thing to be dealing with the world through the lens of ADD every day. The world isn't set up to accomodate people with ADD very well - at least not in some ways. Jobs often require the ability to tend to little details and sit still - so does school. Bills need to be paid on time. Spouses expect that you can do the chores you've been asked to do without forgetting. All of it adds up to frustration. The best way I've seen to lessen this frustration is to actually not only acknowledge the ADD, but also adjust your life to recognize its importance in who you are as a person. Some move into more interesting jobs (those with lots of pressure - like driving ambulances or working in emergency rooms) or jobs with more or fewer deadlines (depending upon the person). Some decide to travel more. Some take medications. Some exercise every day religiously....whatever the solution for you that lessens the frustration is the direction that proves helpful. Less productive approaches include self-medicating with drinking or drugs.
If you haven't read them yet, Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction are both excellent resources.
Melissa Orlov
Hi Kathryn My 4-year old
Submitted by Linda (not verified) on