Our son, 15, can be quite difficult. He wanted to go over a friend's house and play videogames after school today BUT he has not caught up on school work and cleaned his room. He also stayed up late. My wife got into an argument with him about it this morning. (He claims he is going to support his friend's father, who will commit suicide if he does not go.) At one point, my wife says he hurt her by grabbing her wrist. I did not see what happened.
My wife usually leaves first and then I take our son and our daughter (9) to school on my way to work. Just as she was leaving, she says that she is going to call the police on our son because our son assaulted her.
I tried to get the kids to get ready to leave. Our son announced that he was not going to school because he did not want his mother to know where he would be. I called her up and told her she should not drop a bomb like that right before she leaves and I need to get them to school. If I left without him, I would not know where he went. So I could not leave--even to take our 9-year-old to school! After a long time of arguing with him on the phone, she finally decided she was too late for work and came back home. I was then able to take our daughter to school. She later called and said that she had gotten him to school.
The positive part of this is that I did get her to clean up the mess she created and she acknowleged that she needs to think before she says things like this. But it is still very, very frustrating. There have been many times where she gets one of the kids extremely upset and then leaves me to get them school. Yes, part of it is the kids' fault. But as an adult, she has to think about the consequences of her words and actions, including how those consequences fall on other people (such as me.)
I also pointed out that if you are going to call the police, it is probably not a good idea to announce it to the person you plan to call about.
Good morning BOP....Parenting....
Submitted by c ur self on
A few things jump out here....I suggest you take over as the morning communicator with your children...Your wife (based on your post) seems to be unable to control her outbursts and the damage they are doing to your children's pyschological and emotional growth and maturity....But you see it!.....So maybe she would relent to you in this area....It sounds like she definitely needs to....
It's hard enough to deal w/ a 15 year old, whom also sounds like he has some issues w/ authority, (most 15 yr old do) but, to get on his level and entertain his attempts to demand his rights and manipulate her into arguing with him (like she is doing) is very bad....Remember the 9 year old is watching....What are you two teaching him about Love and Obedience, by watching yall's interactions with his brother?
It sounds like you have some decisions to make....You have your hands full....
Blessings
C
I will agree
Submitted by vabeachgal on
I will agree with this comment. Once you begin an argument with a child, you lost. No child should hijack the getting to school routine.
I just reread some of your
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I just reread some of your older posts, bowlofpetunias. Your current life sounds very frustrating. Have you found a coach for your son? Has he or your wife been diagnosed? I'm not saying that a diagnosis is the "cure" but sometimes, having one can help.
My ex-husband and my older daughter both received ADD diagnoses when my daughter was in high school. Being older and smarter and having the same diagnosis did not give my ex empathy with or sympathy for our daughter. She worked on her brain issues much better than my ex did on his. I guess that being young has some advantages, as does having at least one parent (me) who can offer emotional support.
Good luck.