I started dating a guy 6 months ago. It was amazing and he treated me like a queen (even though i liked it, i thought it was a bit too much and unusual for the beginning of the relationship). He told me he was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and was medicated for 20 years. He also told me he stopped taking meds in the last 3 years. I didn' take this condition seriously and i didn't know anything about it until now... Well he is a very successful guy, very motivated, ambitious, amazing focus in detail, affectionate, charming, etc. i started noticing his off behavior from the beginning but i was so obsessed with the chemistry we had and with his hyperfocus that i ignored all the red flegs. He would tell me he loves me than disappear the next day than come back and tell me he can't live without me etc...i was constantly nagging him and basically correcting him without a slightest clue it may be his condition. Well i would probably tolerate this behavior a bit longer if my mother' friend who is a psychologist told me all about ADHD. I started reading more and more and i def realized i am not up for it. I know myself very well and i know i would never tolerate emotionally unstable person in my life (unless it was not by my choice). I had to let him go even though there are emotions involved. There are women who are willing to tolerate all the negatives. Is it because of love, beliefs, low self esteem, masochism, too many failed relationships in the past, who knows... The bottom line is that u have to be rational about what a relationship with this person can give u in the future. Are u willing to have kids with this person? Are you the type of a person who would be satisified even with the little bread crumbs of attention and constant instability? And so on... My guy has no idea why i left. I just told him he needs someone who is extremely patient and will not be so demanding like me. Leading him on and living in illusion would be the worst for both. My advise for non adhd's who just started dating an adhd, don't ignore the red flegs, be very realistic of who you are and what u need in a relationship. Follow your reason and not your heart when it comes to these things because emotions eventually subside and u r left with a reality.
I didn't take it seriously
Submitted by Valklyre on 01/24/2013.
You seemed to have caught
Submitted by copingSAH on
You seemed to have caught "on" early on in the relationship that things would not work out for you. It's good this guy did not come hounding you to get back.... the worse thing in a breakup is when one person doesn't get the message and becomes aggressive. So much depends on how much one is willing to compromise for love and companionship but not at the expense of becoming swallowed up in something you don't want in your life plan.
I have to say that having kids when one or both adults are in some way disordered, requires a very serious look at the medical history of both individuals and their families. For me, there is depression and disorders on one side, and ADD/ADHD on the other side. Together we have a child who is autistic, nonverbal, low functioning (but a happy kid because we love him to bits). And before I connected all the dots, I just thought it was a fluke of nature, or the vaccines. I wish I had been less naive about the repercussions that could happen to innocent children we brought into this world.