I apologize if this isn't the correct forum to post this in. I'm having an emotional breakdown at the moment and am reaching out for any help I can get.
My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We met while I was in the military and shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with ADD. I believe (through my own recent research) that I have the overfocused type.
Our marriage is coming to an end. She has told me that she's no longer attracted to me anymore and she's finding her own place to live to get some space. Officially we're taking a break so she can spend sometime on herself. However, when I ask her she says she has no intention of trying to make things work. She's not sure how she'll feel later on, but I have a feeling she's just saying that to make me feel better. (if there is such a thing)
I have been at my wits end. It's taking every bit of energy to write this right now. In fact, I'm so unable to focus my though on writing this that I'm afraid I won't be able to get my full meaning across.
I found out about the ADHD Effect book and bought and downloaded the audio book. It was gut wrenching to hear the almost completely accurate depiction of what's going on in our relationship. At first I had some hope. Thinking that if she would just listen to this with me she'd see that we're not alone and that we can make a much better attempt at making us work.
She listened to the first and third chapters with me and was amazed at how accurate everything was. When it was over I asked her if she wanted to finish the book with me and work things out. she said that this in no way changes how she feels and that shes still going to move on.
I really don't know what to do. She means everything to me and I want to do everything I can to make it work.
Please... ANY advice would be greatly appreciated.. I'm so alone and helpless right now.
I'm so very sorry
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
I'm really sorry that your wife left and that you don't believe she's inclined to work on the relationship. That is very very hard to deal with. Right now all you can really do is respect her decision and work on the things you can control. You can work on becoming, once again, the man she wants to be married to. If most of your issues are ADHD related, then work on managing the ADHD and mitigating its impacts. Do this for yourself. You will benefit even if she can't release her anger and disappointment. It is important that you want to be the new you.
Meds can help. Therapy and coaching are good. Exercise, sleep, and eating healthfully are essential. ADHD is a manageable condition with which you can thrive. I hope that you are willing to pursue the challenge. Best wishes.