Submitted by PoisonIvy on 12/18/2018.
My younger daughter is arriving this evening from out of state. Here is something that makes me feel very happy and grateful: My sister is hosting her overnight so that I don't have to make the three-hour round trip to and from the airport in the dark. Here is what makes me sad about the situation: My ex-husband not only spends less time with our daughters than I do but also spends less time with them than do my sister (their aunt), my brothers (their uncles), and my sister's ex-husband. In what universe is this kind of parent-child relationship okay? I know, that was a rhetorical question. It's not okay.
It’s so sad
Submitted by Brindle on
You’re right; it’s not okay. I feel sad for your daughter. What a needless loss. Does she express sadness to you over his absence?
I shake my head at the in-denial/living-for-their-own-whims adhd spouses that we talk about here. I feel so sad for their kids that they hurt. I don’t love that they hurt us, but we are adults.
My own kids have said to me over the years that Dad doesn’t spend time with them or Dad doesn’t even say he loves them. I’ve told him. Nothing changes.
If these spouses of ours ever face themselves, oh, the regret...
I struggle most with this, too
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I guess it's the motherly instinct, but I am most angry/upset when my daughter is hurt. Last night she cried in my arms and said she wishes she could smash all of his electronics so maybe Dad would pay attention to her. I couldn't help it... I cried right along with her. Telling him what she said would change nothing because we have both tried before to reach him and get him to understand.
She is 11, but I look ahead, PI, to when she is making her own way in the world like yours, and I can foresee a similar future. I think even though I will be able to overcome my own pain at some point, this part will always hurt and I will also always feel guilty about it myself. I feel like she will hurt forever and I am powerless to stop it.
Thank you for the responses.
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Thank you for the responses.
Adding to my sadness and my gratitude: My former brother-in-law (my sister's ex-husband) was the one who picked up my daughter from the airport last night and drove her to my sister's house. (The airport and the house are in a city about 90 miles from where I live.) I was so grateful to not have to drive in the dark in the middle of the night. When my sister's ex greeted me this morning after I arrived to pick up my daughter, he said to me that he would have been willing to drive my daughter the 90 miles to my house.
I am so sorry too. I told my
Submitted by dvance on
I am so sorry too. I told my 19 year old that his dad and I are separating when our lease is up in May and he told me he cannot believe I lasted this long. I regret my two boys seeing this pathetic excuse for a relationship go on this long. It hit me like a ton of bricks when he said that. It is so painful when your family isn't the way you wanted it--forget us, all of us wanted a happy, steady family for our kids. I am so sorry I made such a lousy choice for the father of my kids.