I just don't know what to do.

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Comments

You do NOT want to raise your

Submitted by ProfessorScattered on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 07:58

You do NOT want to raise your kids with an untreated ADHD father. My own father almost certainly had it, and in my 50s I still have nightmares about him. Those sudden explosions of temper may not seem like much to him, but to a small child they're terrifying. So you need to draw a clear line. Tell him the marriage is on hold until his ADHD is under control. If he can do that and go to marriage counseling, you'll consider staying married. Otherwise, divorce. This sounds harsh, but things will not get any better on their own. He needs to be working on this. I have ADHD myself. I know how difficult it is. But that does not give me any excuse to be a selfish or abusive partner. Good luck.

Thanks for that, it's the

Submitted by leighann524 on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 09:28

Thanks for that, it's the kind of thing I need to hear. I've gotten a little scared to approach him with any problems because no matter how I put it, I don't like 'attacking' people it's not constructive, he tends to explode. He's never been physically abusive but I have talked to him about being unnecessarily harsh with our two year old. He says he doesn't see it as a problem. He says our two year old isn't stupid and asks how else he's supposed to get through to him. I can't seem to get him to see that he's just two and he needs time to learn. I feel like I'm always stepping in and trying to stop him from being just plain mean to our son. I also didn't know until recently that ADHD is highly hereditary. Im so concerned for my sons now and hope I can help them if they do end up having this disorder. I'm stil miffed that no one felt it was important to tell me he had it.

I'm in the same boat

Submitted by marcgravia on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:55

Except when I mention counseling, it's so that the therapist can fix ME. There's of course nothing wrong with him, and he denies any role of ADD in our relationship problems even though the issues fit so many of the stories here to the letter. I don't know what to do if he refuses to work on himself. I have done therapy, self-help, you name it, to work on me. Why is it that he thinks he's so perfect and can't try a little bit of effort. When I ask for support or anything, he just says that he does it, and there's no issue. I seriously don't know how long I can handle this. I think the only thing that keeps me holding on some days is the love of my son. I miss feeling loved and supported. I too feel broken and have just come to the sad realization that maybe there's nothing I can do, and I just have to live in an unhappy marriage. My heart goes out to you.

It sounds like we are married

Submitted by leighann524 on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 13:10

It sounds like we are married to the same person. I know how you feel. You can only do so much it seems and after that, what else can happen? If he continues to dismiss ADHD as a contributing factor to our problems, I will eventually leave. I just can't imagine continuing on like this forever, especially with the impact it will have on my two boys. I strongly believe that children need both parents to thrive as well as possible, but the damage he could do to them emotionally and mentally makes having a single parent seem a much better option. It's very difficult to think about leaving because my kids adore him, even with the explosions of anger. And at the end of the day, it's always hard to think about leaving someone you still love.

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