I am the ADHD spouse, depression, some PTSD, manipulation and lying issues. I've been kicked out of our house with my son (who's similar to me) and am living in an even more stressful situation right now (my own mother). I feel stressed and dealing with high anxiety about not being with her again. She is simply this, the most amazing, beautiful, and down to earth woman I've ever known. and I've broken my wife's' trust and heart, not an affair physically, but yes one that was emotional. No, I wasn't getting attached emotionally, but affairs don't have to be physical right? I was talking to another woman while my wife was in Texas for 2 weeks, I fully admit it was nice to vent to this woman, was nice to talk to someone, was nice to just relax and not focus on life I guess..There were some similarities that started the talking, she's older, my wife is 36, she's got a kid in college, I've got a kid in college, she had breast cancer, my wife's mom died of it, etc...so my "bright shiny object" distracted me from what I was doing. so over 3000 texts later back and forth, my wife calls me out on it, and it all came unglued. (this is the second time I've done it to her). I've never been so devastated in my entire life. She's the only woman in my 44 years that has called me out on my issues. It's been very difficult recognizing I have a problem. I am on medication for depression and ADHD, but stopped because I'm a man and I thought I could be this...I'm desperate, I want her back so bad, I'm not sleeping, my mind isn't focusing. How can i regain her trust??? Have I done too much damage?? Has anyone told their ADHD spouse to leave and it's worked out? I'm so scared I've done too much that she'll never find me in her heart again! I've got an appointment today to talk to my therapist, but I don't know if that's going to be enough..I've done more reading and research since she's told me to leave, I lay awake all night praying and wanting to fix this...where do I turn, I don't want to be that man again, the liar, the manipulator..how do I cope with my issues and win her heart back???
Broken Moose
New Life
Submitted by Standing on
Hi, I am sorry for your suffering.
I am a regular listener to a Christian radio counseling program, called New Life Live.
My suggestion is to call them and explain your troubles. They have regular sessions of something they call Every Man's Battle, which addresses issues of sexual integrity. Sounds like it's quite effective! There's also a book by that name.
There are counselors on hand always and all I can say is that I highly recommend this ministry. By the way, the founder also has add.
Get your focus off your wife, on to yourself.
Submitted by c ur self on
If you truly loved her and wanted the best for her, you would not wish someone like yourself on her...
Take as long as it takes to get a job if you don't have one, get you your own place to live, get you some adderall or what ever you need to focus and function. Just go be a responsible man....Never make an excuse for ADHD issues....Then you want have to post your desperation and neediness!...Your wife will see you are a responsible faithful husband and run to you....
well I can't accept wishing
Submitted by Bluemoose on
well I can't accept wishing that on her, I truly love her deeply more than ever and have come to terms with my condition. I do have a job, I am on medication, but have refused to admit fully my condition, even with my therapist. Time to put up or shut up. The anxiety of not being at the house is almost overwhelming, I've been having trouble letting her have her space and breath. I want to fix this now, marriage counseling, therapy, etc....I know it's a "I'm doing it now" mentality that I have and as time goes by that's when I have to focus my attention on staying the course, I can do this right now, change my behaviors, cope with my conditions, focus on me, which I am doing. My problems also stem from retirement from the Army, and that's where I began unraveling at the seams. I'm not feeling desperate anymore, but I DO NOT want to throw this marriage away, she is way to important and my marriage means too much to me to do that. I've thrown other relationships and marriages away because it was easy to move on. But this woman is like no other and I finally feel good inside to finally fight for something that is worth it. It is worth getting better and making our marriage a success..thanks for the advice, harsh as it may have seemed to me. I've re-read it a ton of times and agree...me first, change, cope, honor, and then she will see the change in me
Blue Moose...
Submitted by c ur self on
Sorry to be harsh...but, I want the best for you...regardless if I know you are not...After reading your first post, I did what I would have wanted you to do for me...Speak a little truth to me, regardless if it shocked me or not...
This last post sounds like a different person:)...Man, I wish you well, just be patient, your just like the rest us, we can only control ourselves...And that is a full time job for us all...I will pray for you moose...
changed man, yes
Submitted by Bluemoose on
I have changed, for the better I feel. I picked up a book this weekend called succeeding with adult ADHD and began reading it. Also I picked up a journal to write down everything in. I started with my daily devotions, and then broke down into 10 bad behavioral categories that I know I've demonstrated. I've written down what changes I have to make and even have changes that I see in myself now. I am meeting with our church minister tonight after seeing the kids, and the wife and I are sitting down to talk tomorrow night. when she says she's been fighting for this marriage for the past 2 years and I have not, it hurt. But the hurt really hit when she said she feels nothing in her heart for me anymore...I'm not giving up....never will...thanks for the advice and complete honesty
Moose