Submitted by amonty1026 on 05/01/2012.
Married not even a year but we've been together over four years and I'm fed up with the disrespect and dismissive behavior! He will do things like self medicate and when I attempt to have a conversation with him he reverts to childish and disrespectful behavior. He was anxious waiting for his adhd to be prescribed so he took a friends pill. He said he was worried about us fighting so much and that I'd leave him before he got the pills. I was unhappy about it but was understanding (this isn't the first time) so I attempted to talk to him. He responded by berating me saying I never forgive anything and just like to fight. I stayed calm and kept trying to talk. We get home and swings my car door into a tree and doesn't apologize. I still didn't yell or berate. I told him that was really disrespectful. He responds with saying "if you were smarter you would know that was out of my control." After about 15 minutes of getting no where with him I called him a choice name and stomped off to bed. He said we would talk about it "tomorrow" but come sunday he ran off to an auction but not before claiming I was yelling at him. At this point I did yell and left the house. He was gone until 15 minutes before he had to leave for work. Then he texted me before he came home asking if he can come home. I told him no because I'm tired of the arguing and lying and disrespect. He again said sorry I effed up. Thing is he wants that to be it. He uses sorry like a fix all. If I attempt to mention my feelings he starts being a jerk. He stayed with a friend that night. Yesterday his clutch cable for his bike came and he once again blew me off to do what he wanted. I told him he needed to have a conversation to resolve the issue and he told me I could talk to him while he fixed his bike. I told him no and him for a third time he was making his wants a priority over my needs. It turned into a fight. I left the house again. Once he was finished with his bike he texted me to come home to talk. I told him to move out at least for awhile. If this was an isolated incident I wouldn't be considering divorce but its like this every single time. He says I over react even when he gets me kicked out of school. He does absolutely nothing to show me it was genuinely a mistake and he feels bad about it. He expects that no matter what he's done that I should just forgive him and that all he's got to do is say sorry. Not to mention I had to take over finances because he impulsively spends money then turns around and calls me controlling. Idk how to get through to him and I feel I'm falling out of love with him.
I don't think I am done I am done!!!
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
I don't think I am done I am done, see my forum(MY TURN TO LIVE NOW!!!),
I wish you luck!!
lovehurts.
Now the BIG question...
Submitted by masmam1 on
I'm considering (seriously) filing for a divorce. Since I moved out in February, I have calmed down a lot and I see things more clearly than I have in a long time.
My DH is extremely argumentative, dismissing, and disrespectful. Much like described above. And of course, I always get blamed no matter what the argument was about.
So now, my dilemma is whether to divorce or not. There's no doubt whatsoever that I love him. But, I don't have the desire to spend the rest of my life with him anymore...that life has been quite toxic the last couple of years, and I don't see anything changing for the better. Ever.
I'm quite scared and there's much to do like figuring out the finances (joint) and getting legal advice, etc. *sigh*
I haven't felt so lonely/alone before.
ma
You describe many of the
Submitted by dazedandconfused on
You describe many of the characteristics of an ADDer. My husband is impulsive with money as well although it's usually spent on small things...energy drinks, fast food, snacks, playing pool, etc. He doesn't keep track and before he knows it, he's blown $60 in three days. When I lower the boom and don't give him money to pay his overdue phone bill, he gets furious and says that I'm controlling. Although when his temper cools he says he doesn't understand why he can't help me more with the finances and he hates that I'm the major breadwinner.
My husband often puts himself first...usually it's pool which is his hyperfocus right now. I'm dreading the next few weeks because it's tournament time. Nonetheless, he can surprise me. My grandfather died recently and I took it really hard. Hubby has been great...going out of his way to call and check on me, being sweet, etc. I guess it is these flashes of humanity and love that keep me with him. He's frequently selfish and there are times I want to strangle him, want to scream, "Why can't it be about me for once?!?" But on the whole, he tries very hard with me, and I think that makes the difference.
Try going alone for a while. You'll either stand on your two feet and it won't matter that he's gone or you'll miss him like crazy. If that's the case, get him on meds and yourselves into counseling.
Best of luck.
We are currently in therapy
Submitted by amonty1026 on
Is US$60 a problem? My wife
Submitted by supratic on
Is US$60 a problem? My wife used to think I am in-capable of handling money. I earn, i spend. where is the problem? And when i snatched off the control, she started thinking I am having affair.
First she addicted me to Body massage. I realized women enjoy padicure, manicure, facial at our money and do not allow us to enjoy it. She was a beautician herself, even give facial to male clients
but never gave to me.. always too tired. Initially it was in trips to Goa/ leh/ bankok, puket/ guanzaou. When I started enjoying massage (I can afford) regularly in my home town, she started suspecting me.
I know you topic is different. Sorry.
Maybe the issue isn't
Submitted by amonty1026 on
Thx for the understanding
Submitted by supratic on
Thx for the understanding reply. I understand her feeling. I have discontinued body massage, feeling jealous when she goes for Facial and Padicure and manicure. Massage from male is not so good in this world. But any way, three are other problems, we were going to counseling, when she realized the counselor is supporting me and asking her to change, she backed out. She likes her lonely life. This summer when so come back from hostel.. will be her litmus test. Purchased that audio book, hope that helps. I wish she could read this forum.
Your welcome for the reply.
Submitted by amonty1026 on
"I told him to move out"
Submitted by jennalemon on
The thing is with ADDers, if you tell them to move out, they don't do it. How can they? Then the other thing is, you can't move out because they won't pay the bills or discuss or take care of things. Eventually your requests/demands that they move out become empty threats and you become an ineffectual nag. Anyone have any luck at this?
I don't have any good or
Submitted by amonty1026 on