Please point me to the best resources to understand what we know right now about the science behind ADHD and the brain.
I still don't understand what is causing all these symptoms or effects. Is it just the issue of dopamine or is there more?
My husband has these issues:
Lack of organization and massive distraction (but only if he is not interested - if so, then hyperfocus)
Lost in thoughts to the point of not hearing me speak - also this is dangerous while driving
Very poor short term memory, and forgets conversations we had and agreements we made
Awful with household chores, cannot pick up after himself, a whirlwind of mess through the day
Definite rejection dysphoria, cannot handle even a scent of criticism even if he is clearly wrong
Trouble finishing projects - we have two houses that he built that are still unfinished
Impulsive decisions, including financially. No planning for the long term, lots of risk taking.
Is all of this caused by the same brain issue?
Thank you
This book and podcast helped to cope
Submitted by Off the roller ... on
So I'm reading a book that is helping me immensely and it's called Loving Someone With Attention Deficit Disorder by Susan Tschudi,MA. I'm about halfway through ans by god, it's really calmed me down as the non-Adhd spouse.
And my other recommendation is to listen to Mel robbins podcast but her episodes that are in the first few months of broadcast. Specifically her relationship one and the 3 things you must learn about other people. I've listened to it on repeat to help calm me down.
Alos Melissa recommended Boundary Boss and its so good it's stirred somw things up for me that I have to go back to therapy.
Sending hugs. I felt every word of your post and you aren't alone in this.
Yes, all the same brain issue
Submitted by adhd32 on
It is ADHD and you cannot change him. Assume whatever life you are living right now will continue for eternity unless HE addresses the condition AND is all in on doing the work needed to create habits that help him with these issues. Google the research, there is plenty available online. Unfortunately your spouse may not be able or willing to do any work to change and may feel he is fine just as he is. If this is the case, you will have to look ahead and figure out your own game plan for the future.
This is my life
Submitted by doghome on
I agree, I read and research what I can to try and understand more too. I never got why he wasnt involved with me planning our financial future, he just relies on me for the finances, he has a great job but couldnt manage money if he had to. Hes had the same job for 30 years and when I met him 20 plus years ago, he had no money in the bank and owed money everywhere and with his pay I didnt get it at all how he could do that. Short term memory? forget it, literally with him. But now that we know, I too am learning as much as him and its helping. I even see tv ads latley about adhd which I never used to see. I just came upon another site called "the upside of adhd" and am just getting into what this has to offer so I thought I would share it, to me, there has to be an UPSIDE not all negative upsideofadhd.org
Check out this Dr. Barkley's book
Submitted by N4ally2 on
I recommend you check out Dr. Barkley Barkley's book "When an Adult you love has ADHD". I think what you are looking for is similar to me, less about the scientific fact but more on connecting the dots between ADHD behavior and how you should interpret it. This helps you determine your course of action. This book is my "ADHD Bible" because Dr. Barkley's explains it in terms that I could understand easily. For example, people will tell you that people with ADHD will have higher chances of substance abuse, like alcohol, but Dr. Barkley explains that people with ADHD drink more because it is a form of self-medication and it also helps them be in the "now" versus having to think about the future. (edited out link)