I'm so tired. Tired of having the same arguments, tired of the loneliness, tired of always being the bad guy. Husband is diagnosed and usually takes medication. We've been together for 10 years, lived together for 7, married for 5. We have 6 kids, 3 his, 3 mine. My oldest is out of the house, my middle has Down syndrome, youngest is graduating this year. His oldest is out of the house (but has ADD), his middle has cut him off and lives with his mom full-time, his youngest is 16. Odds were stacked against us. I thought our love was strong enough to persevere. I should have known better. We should not have moved in together until our kids were older or even gone. We parent very differently and that alone has led to numerous fights and struggles. His kids were never disciplined, so when I expected them to do chores or help out around the house, I was being 'abusive'. I will never forget that - he accused me of abusing his children because I expected them to help (they were all over the age of 10). After that, I disengaged. I had no voice. I took care of the house, plans, bills, my boys, my job, all the while making sure I kept the peace, neglecting myself and resenting him. Not 2 years into our marriage, I found text messages between him and another woman, planning an intimate encounter while I was out of town. Sadly, I was not surprised. He insisted he called it off before anything happened. Says he couldn't go through with it. Not sure if I ever really believed him - my first marriage ended b/c of his infidelity. Destroyed me and had/have lots of trust issues. This did not help. But somehow we moved on. Fell back into our same routines, same arguments, same struggles. And here we are. My son with Down's will always be with me. My husband thinks he'll eventually fly the coop like the others.  I sometime wonder if my husband thinks he's faking his disability because he does not give him any leeway and has unachievable expectations for him. This morning, I walked in on my husband berating my son for not answering a question to his liking. This is not the first time, but something in me snapped. Mama bear came out and took over. I used a 'tone'. And my husband got very nasty. I have boundaries around that - I was taking my son out anyway, but we left. I received a text saying that he was shocked at the way I spoke to him and irritated because he felt I was being stubborn. We've been dancing around each other all day. But I think tonight I'm going to tell him that I'm done. I will always defend my son. Always. He will always be my responsibility. He will always need defending. I would rather spend my time and mental energy on finding ways to help my child than ensuring my husband's feeling don't get hurt and suffering the consequences and feeling like I don't matter. He is not abusive, but he is a bully. And I'm tired. I need to find myself again. I'm sad because I love him. It hurts to think about letting go. But I just don't think I can do this anymore.