New to this. Strongly suspect that my husband has ADD or an LD. Strongly suspect this, based on his behaviour and the behaviour of his relatives.
I feel so scared. Feel so sorry for DH. I know he is suffering. I love him dearly, he is the love of my life. He is so loving. But many broken promises leave me feeling betrayed. So so scared that if we were to have children, I would have to watch them struggle with the same condition..it would just tear me apart.) Also scared that I may never have any children, if I end my marriage. Ashamed. Guilty.
I am the sole provider, the primary maid, the mother, the teacher, the HR counselor, the cook, the butler, the enabler. Our marriage has just begun. His helplessness worsened over the course of our courtship, and hit me in the face after we married. My therapist suggested divorce, but how can I? DH has no control over this. Nevertheless, I am considering it. Have even gotten some legal advice.
If you could go back in time, would you still marry your ADD spouse? What do I do now? Do I leave?
No, I would NOT marry my H again if I had known.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
If I were you, I'd give my H an ultimatum. He must get intensive treatment, be on meds, or the marriage will end.
Why can't he work? What does he do all day?
Don't treat him like he's some helpless invalid
Can I ask why you would not
Submitted by babypanda27 on
Can I ask why you would not marry him again? Is it that you're tired of carrying the entire marriage? Has he caused financial ruin? Is it because of negative effects on your children? Just wondering.
As for ultimatums, I'm considering separating from him instead (he's blown off my ultimatums before). Although I'm not very strong, so we'll see where that gets me...
Our kids are great
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My H's saving grace was that he earned a lot of money. That sounds heartless, but without that, I would have been gone a LONG time ago. He's now retired and has an excellent pension and savings. I own a successful business. So, financially, we're strong even though he can be awful with money.....impulsive.
H's temper is the worst. And he's also an alcoholic....which he hid from me for about 6 years by drinking very late at night after I went to sleep. I had no idea why he'd wake up in such a horrible mood, or why he suddenly would wake me up yelling. He was very clever about hiding his drinking....keeping bottles in his briefcase and then disposing them on his way to work.
But the heartache of not having a true partner is so painful. I see other "real couples" who have healthy relationships, healthy partnerships and it just hurts deeply that I'll never have that. It's not fair.
Our kids were shielded by a lot of H's craziness because he worked so many hours, and had a long distance to travel. Plus, when he wasn't working, he was typically going to the gym, golfing, etc.
In many ways, I raised our kids alone. Our kids do not like their dad for what they did witness and because they've seen how he's treated me. They have begged me to divorce him, and I would, if it wouldn't financially devastate us....lawyers, dividing a business, losing my health benefits that I get from his retirement.
My older son has some ADHD, but nothing horrible. Both of my kids are incredible. Top students, great futures a head of them. No tempers, no problems. Very likeable people.
When I read your post and saw that your H isn't even earning a living, I couldn't help but post. Not to sound greedy, but it will get extremely old very quick if you have to be the sole provider while also raising kids.
He needs treatment if you're going to stay.
Actually...I found some of
Submitted by babypanda27 on
Actually...I found some of your past posts and I'm getting a picture of some of the issues you have with your DH. I understand. I'm very sorry about the turmoil and pain you've been going through.