So I've been reading a lot of these posts, many of which are Non-ADHD women with ADHD husbands. I am a Non-ADHD husband and am at my whit's end. I really don't even know where to begin or what to say here, other than the fact that I am confused, frustrated, tired, and just plain fed-up. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and I work from a home office. Overall, I am frustrated with my wife's significant lack of homemaking skills which include general cleaning & organizing, decorating, planning, etc. The appearance and cleanliness of our home does not seem to matter to her in any way whatsoever. Yes, there is that one spare bedroom room in our home with boxes stacked on boxes of her belongings that she's promised time and time again to go through to get rid of things, which as of this very day of me writing this post, more bags have been dumped in. Yes, her closet is a mess and you can barely open the door. have very poor communication, with seemingly no progress whatsoever. I am extremely scared for our future and need to better understand her ADHD. We've been together almost 7 years and married for 2 1/2 years and have a wonderful 19 month old daughter.....Aaaaaand, my wife is about
I'm a Confused, Frustrated & Fed-Up Non-ADHD Husband
Submitted by TITLESTPMR on 01/18/2015.
Welcome to the place where
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Welcome to the place where you don't want to be. I'm the non-ADHD wife of a man with ADHD and other disorders. The condition of our house is a source of great frustration to me. At this point, I'm living alone, but the inside of the house reflects the years my husband was here and accumulating stuff and almost never throwing things away. I don't even know whether I can deal with much of the stuff, the things that belong to my husband and two grown daughters. I'm not a great housekeeper myself, but I at least throw away actual garbage (my husband often doesn't; yuck!) and I'm not a hoarder, which I think my husband is. One thing that has helped me a bit is the website Unfuck Your Habitat. It has regular tips for dealing with a messy home. http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Right now...
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I wouldn't worry about the spare room. Sounds like it's just being used as a free storage unit....and she's likely busy with the baby and can't imagine dealing with a storage room right now. However, I would try to get the focus on the rest of the house.
As for domestic skills. Does she really not have any? or does she prefer not to use the ones that she has? or does she prefer not to learn any?
My MIL refused to learn how to cook, she had cleaning ladies even tho she was a SAHM, and she had a gazillion clothes. She was ADHD.
Does your wife do the laundry? Does she cook meals? Does she clean toilets? If not, who is doing those things?
If your wife KNOWS how to do these things, but is spending her time elsewhere, then what is she doing?
Also....she may feel that her job as a mom is a 24/7 job, while your job is a 40 hour week job. When you're home, can you take the baby for an afternoon so that she can get some uninterrupted time? when our kids were little, my H would take our little ones to the park or someplace just so that I would have a little "me time" n some uninterrupted cleaning time. For this to work, you'd have to take the baby for at least 4 hours....taking the baby for an hour or so wouldn't allow for any "me time" and not much clean time. I would make some kind of deal...."If I take the baby from noon til 5pm, during that time will you spend 4 hours cleaning and then AFTER cleaning, spend 1 hour getting a manicure or ??" (For that time frame, baby would likely be taking a nap so you'd have to pick a place that would allow a nap somewhere...even if the nap is in the car. )
You need to regularly do this.....even if on weekdays, taking the baby for just an hour so she can "clean up after the day's mess."
Then once you have the home in better order, then ask if yu can bring a box to her while she's watching TV and ask her to go thru it. One box every few days should get that task done over time. .
Same Boat...
Submitted by c ur self on
You can read some of my earlier posts if you click on my name...it might be helpful, or maybe even more confusing :)...I will give you one suggestion....You mentioned y'all have very poor communication...This is your main problem!...I spent years thinking we could get this thing ironed out, how hard can it be, we're adults for Pete's sake. lol... But with all my efforts, (our efforts, but she lived mostly in denial) it just seemed to continue to spiral more and more out of control...
So today; this guy who before I tried to co-exist w/ a severe add wife...felt I was more than capable of having rational adult conversations and clearly communicate with anyone, (why not, I was 50, and had no problems before, w/anyone who desired to communicate)...Is more than willing to tell anyone, I am very happy to bring in a good counselor as our mediator in communication...More than happy! So, I suggest you don't continue to struggle w/ the communication...Do you realize many adder's struggle to follow in a conversation? I didn't...Get some help friend, there is no shame in it at all!...It can only bring better lines of communication and increased accountability to your marriage...Which is a good thing for you both.