Non-adhd partner here. Lately, everything seems to be "my fault." My mood swings, my irritability, my inability to trust that he'll get things done that he'll say he'll do. We are now stuck in this endless blame game. Yes, I know I'm exhausted. I work full-time and am working hard to get promoted. I also am taking 3 classes on the side. I'm applying to PhD programs. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. My dad has health issues too, and they're both dying. I am in therapy 3xs a week. What more do I need to be doing, in all seriousness? My time alone should be spent eating well, sleeping, and just decompressing in a hot tub.
Meanwhile. You don't work. Are not taking any classes. And are not getting any sort of training or certification in anything. Are not applying to graduate school. Your parents are not dying. You're a bonafied NEET ("Not in Education, Employment or Training"). So yeah, I'm annoyed. This cannot last for more than a year or I'm just done. Truly. A 40 year old man needs a life that is better than this. And if incapable, you should be fighting for the best possible mental healthcare you can obtain. Even if it's hospitalization, just to get your medication treatment sorted.
Feels like I am dying of burn-out and grief at this point.
Not the time
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
Speaking as someone who completed a Ph.D. with a (then undiagnosed) ADHD spouse who was not understanding and supportive, now is not the time to take on that burden. You also have a lot of other things going on.
So sorry Luna....
Submitted by c ur self on
It's obvious you are overwhelmed....And it's easy to see why....I will pray for you!....You know that the mind he lives in want allow him to show much empathy...And you know he will only keep making excuses for his lack of responsibility (work, support etc)...So do yourself a huge favor and don't look for it, and don't engage him...Use those moments of engaging him to soak in a hot tub, or treat yourself....I suggest you make you world as small as possible, you are over burdened, and have a big plate full....
Blessings
c
Sounds horrible
Submitted by Range_Rover_17 on
Sorry you are going through this, especially with both parents being unwell. Ignore your spouse for now. Maybe hold off on the PhD until things with your parents clear up? And look into the possibility of splitting up. That's what I'm considering now and my life isn't half as stressful as yours. I just don't see myself doing this (dealing with denial and poor communication and no intimacy) for another 15+ years.