Submitted by jenivanton on 06/04/2019.
I'm new to this whole thing and my husband is not being treated. I dont think he thinks it's a problem but after my counselor suggested he might have ADD which he had as a kid and he hates meds, but when researching ADD and marriage I'm like a lightbulb went off. The whole hyperfocus dating where I felt like a queen and now am soooooo lonely and so hopeless and just frickin overwhelmed. i have no idea where to start and I'm so over it. I know there's a person I loved somewhere in there but I'm tired and feel almost done. In addition to the ADD we also are dealing with a blended family. I don't know how to suggest to him that this is a big issue. I also may suspect that he might have slight (if possible) RSD.
I'm sorry that you need to be
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm sorry that you need to be here but glad that you found the website. I don't have advice; fortunately, my ex-husband was eager to take medications for his ADHD; unfortunately, he didn't want to deal with it in other ways (making behavioral changes, trying to communicate better). So ours is not a success story.
Thanks Ivy
Submitted by jenivanton on
Thank you. It's so hard. I feel hopeless like ours will never change. I'm sorry for your hard journey
Hi Jeni
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Welcome. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how you feel (minus the added layer of a blended family). My husband is in denial and like yours, anti-medication. He can't seem to see how his behavior impacts those around him so also like yours, he doesn't believe there is a problem. I wish I could offer some advice, but after 20 years together, 10 of which I have been aware of the ADHD, I have not been able to improve the situation very much. What I have been able to do is stop blaming myself. I have also stopped taking his behaviors personally by learning more about ADHD. This has helped, however, in my situation I have also come to a point where I have accepted that we will never have the relationship we started with. That (hyperfocus) person didn't really exist. And even 20 years later with a lot of work on myself under my belt, it is a bitter pill to swallow. And unless a light bulb suddenly goes off for him, I will never have a partner who carries anywhere close to 50% of the load in this partnership.
But there are success stories on here and if you are just discovering the impact ADHD is having on your marriage, maybe you can be one of them! I have shown this article from Melissa to my husband a couple of times over the years. He seems to see "us" in it, but still is not moved to change. But maybe it would help you... even to read it for yourself and paraphrase some things in conversation with him:
https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/men-adhd-who-arent-convinced-it-matters
All the best to you.
thanks Melody
Submitted by jenivanton on
Thank you. I appreciate the article and hope it helps. Best wishes to you in your journey
I'm so sorry that you are
Submitted by Ceemo22 (not verified) on
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I've read the book and peeked around this site for a few years now, and still don't know where to start. I actually cried for quite a bit last night because I miss the man I fell in love with. He was the kindest, most attentive soul I had ever met and I think I'm holding onto hope that he's still in there somewhere. I feel as if the love of my life has died and I miss him horribly. I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely, just know that there are many others out there who are feeling the same <3
Looking for help on how to approach husband
Submitted by sdelpin69 on
I am in the same situation for over 20yrs. Now, that I have learned and research about ADHD, I can tell my husband has a huge problem and he will not admit it.
I am in need of guidance on how to approach him to convince him for professional counseling and maybe treatment meds if needed. He is too manly and will not accept he has a problem but he is rapidly declining and I cannot handle any more tasks and responsibilities and I dont want to end marriage. I am crying for help. This is so frustrating and overwhelm and I am afraid this will interact with my health.